3 YEARS OF MARRIAGE and still hoping, I want to get another girl pregnant.

What's the purpose of opening an account and writing up this particular thread?

You're expecting validation? Trolls? Recipes and celebrity gossip?

Is this a joke thread?

Have you no human feelings for anyone around you, not least, your poor wife?

Are you aiming for an Asshole of the Year badge?

What, are you looking for volunteers?

No, I already have them my way

What does your wife think of your plan?

You sound spoilt!



Did the Doctor's state the reason why your wife can't have a child with you? Is it your sperm count?

Is it because you just have sex to have a baby, whilst she is longing for a bond/love/sensuality?

All these "other women" ready willing and able. How do you know they are able? How do you know they will like "your sex"..

Well, I have not directly discuss it with her; but I once tested her opinion and she said "...unless the person will go after giving birth".

I don't think telling her ahead of the action will be safer, unless am wrong. Hence seeking for analytical minded advice.

Actually I understand the rudeness on that highlighted statement, but I really want to express myself without pretence. (Am sorry though).

It was a long medical grammar, that her ovary only produces some yielded tiny eggs with abnormal growth. That she may only ovulate (as a matter of chance) 2 to 3 times in a year. And no one can predict her ovulation time because she hardly see her period.

They always get me tested and say OK.

I am not saying that my meeting with another woman is guaranteed, I only want to unleash myself and try. Talk of sex life or performance, I have never been disappointed with my self.

Well at least you don't sound like a troll now only not thinking clearly!

Ok, so seriously, do you love your wife? Have you asked her if you can have a baby with another woman? What if that other woman never lets you see the baby again and you have to fight through courts?

She may be pre- menopausal if she hardly has a period, are you aware of the emotions that go with that?

Have you thought of Foster Care to start with whilst I assume the funds for IVF programme you can't afford at this stage as to why you have ruled that out but couldn't you work towards saving funds can she work as well, this is your life together you are married, you know what will happen if you go the other way, you will be single.

I truly love my wife, I have been for her in all challenges.

The first phase of our battle was when (at the cause of finding solutions of the problems) my family objected to our marriage, after the due traditional bride prize rites. The said that we are not compatible to marry, traditionally. But I made them understand that that cultural belief has no effect on us, these days. Because we are Christian. And they later repented and everybody around me fell in love with her. of course she is a very good girl of 27.

The second phase of battle was constant bleeding earth time we make love, kinds of tick congealed dark blood would be falling off. That one even caused me to hate sex. But I was still in love with her, and we work hard until a doctor promised to handle that one, and did, but not totally. I love her and would never want to hurt her.

My mother had invited her where she spend a long time with her taking treatment, yet we still depend on miracle.

I don't know how she will feel if am to look her into the eyes and say such thing. She will feel really bad. And am feeling disappointed with myself.

I had to stop her work since March, so she could relax and have time to travel for the treatments invitations.

I reluctantly approached orphanage home to enquire for adoption last time, as my father suggested, but it was not easy; both in cost and procedure. They were looking at me as an impotent and was suggesting I took care of one stranded pregnant teenage girl.

But for me, I can only adopt and relax if I know that I have had a biological offspring, even if I never see it again.

Am very confused and worried, how much mistake am I making?

Wait a second - you're just assuming some woman you're not married to will be more than happy to have sex with you even if you don't leave your wife, and then have your kid, and you'll just ride off into the sunset and not see your child again (and probably not financially support him or her)?

These women you claim you've got lined up - I'm not talking about the women you're interested in. I mean the women (if any) who are interested in doing this. Don't assume; I mean women who you know for a fact want to do this.

Because chances are exceptionally good that no one wants this raw, ridiculous deal.

Why the hell would anyone want to do this for you? There is nothing in it for them - and no, sorry, but your child is not enough. Any woman who wants a child can have one with a husband or boyfriend. If she doesn't want the father in her life, she can be artificially inseminated - by a lab where the sperm are checked for the HIV virus and the donors are otherwise vetted.

This is about you wanting to have sex with someone other than your wife.

At least tell the truth about your motives.

It seems you are giving more concern about 'the other woman' who may want to do it. That is not a problem for me in this wide world of possibilities.

What would be the upside for the woman?

How are you going to sell this?

how much time have you spent with pregnant women?

Have you talked to a mental health counsellor about this?

If you can't think of or empathize with others' feelings, then you have no business becoming a parent, either via intercourse or adoption.

I thank everyone of you for your precious time and contributions, I sincerely appreciate.

Now from all your answers and contributions, you have logically made the following points:

1. My wife would be terribly hurt (and that off course can lead to uncertain action).
2. No woman out there may want to agree with me (and can deny me access to the child even if it happened my accident)
3. Still need to work hard and save money for IVF (though doctor said it's a lucky game).
4. Consider going for child fostering (we don't have such facility here)
5. And some of you also think am psychologically down (well...).

Now get it clearer, gentlemen and ladies
a. Adopted children doesn't fit well in most African communities, if one must adopt here, you need a whole lot of money to leave the environment/community and do everything to pretend you really give birth to them yourself, otherwise the child will have no value in the land.

b. In this country, polygamy is very legal. And we did not have a church wedding but traditional.

c. I don't intend to frustrate the other woman, we all here know that polygamy is a free choice.

d. In most African countries, and particularly here in Eastern Nigeria, children always look for their biological father, especially male children, because they have no value in other places no matter the luxury he may be offered. A popular Nigerian Super Eagle footballer Kanu Nwankwo is a typical example (google him), just few years ago he discovered that he was not living in his native home and still go, irrespective of his investment there.

So it sure would be a big mistake for any woman to run away with another mans child, unless it happens to be a girl that can marry.

What else can I say?
I appreciate all of you again for your contributions, what I still really need to understand is how to manage my wife's emotional reactions.

Or should I just sit back and leave everything to God for the sake of our love?

1. God would never accept you having a child and never seeing it again.
2. You should be wanting to understand how to understand your wife's current emotional battles, not reactions to your selfish needs.


I agree with Jespah you are just wanting more sex than you are getting because you feel you deserve it, being married. You have absolutely no understanding of emotions I doubt that you even feel them, for that I would suggest you seek professional help .