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Is profanity the norm?

 
 
Reply Thu 1 Oct, 2015 05:16 am
My recent BF, now 33 years old, seems to think that it is acceptable to use profanities in our social circles of straight friends, including ladies. He makes masturbation gestures instead of "Whoopee", for instance. He talks about cum-stains, wild gay sex, etc, etc. He even takes a leak by merely turning his back on the group of friends (men and women) to takes a piss. He has absolutely no shame in talking in front of ladies (albeit his close friends) about how men with foreskins should piss, how his ex-girlfriend gave him "blue balls" and how he can maintain his erection while on brandy. I am offended by this inappropriate behaviour but he thinks I'm overreacting when I mention the fact that it's rather unbecoming of a gentleman. Am I overreacting or should he learn the basics of etiquette? I was not raised to act in this way so I'm having trouble accepting it.
 
View best answer, chosen by Gold Liquid
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Thu 1 Oct, 2015 06:12 am
@Gold Liquid,
He's boorish and insensitive. Have you introduced him to your parents yet? That oughta be an eye-opener right there.
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tsarstepan
  Selected Answer
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Oct, 2015 06:27 am
@Gold Liquid,
I now about the concept of opposites attracting but why is he your best friend and/or boyfriend again?

He sounds like he has the emotional maturity of a 13 year old while you have the cultural sensitivities of an 85 year old coot who time travelled from 1915. You're being a tad too squeamish while's he's a reckless piece of classless trash.
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maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Oct, 2015 07:01 am
@Gold Liquid,
You have two choices.

If you like this man, and who he is as a person, then have a relationship with him. If you don't like who is is, then don't have a relationship with him. This is your choice based on your own personality and personal need.

You don't have the right to tell other people what to do or to demand that people change.

This man has the right to live his life the way that he wants. You have no right to try to change him. Whether he should "learn the basics of etiquette" or not is frankly none of your business. Your judgement about whether or not his behaviour is inappropriate is irrelevant. There may be some woman who will like and care for this man as he is without judging him.

The question is do you want to be with him as he is now? Demanding that someone you are dating change is not an option.
engineer
 
  3  
Reply Thu 1 Oct, 2015 07:05 am
@maxdancona,
I think there is a third choice. You can tell him that you find that conduct offensive and he needs to tone it down around you. You should feel completely comfortable telling someone how you feel. What he does with that will define your next set of options.
maxdancona
 
  3  
Reply Thu 1 Oct, 2015 07:13 am
@engineer,
You are correct Engineer. Yes, letting a partner know how you feel is a very good idea.

However, It never ends well when one member of a relationship disapproves of the behaviour of the other and tries to change him or her. There is a difference between little courtesies (putting down the toilet seat) and basic behaviour.

In a relationship you need to basically accept the person you are with as they are. If you don't, then you have no business being with them.


0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Thu 1 Oct, 2015 07:27 am
@Gold Liquid,
Wait a minute ...Did he just all of a sudden become this boorish incorrigible slob or has he been this way all along? I'll bet he was like this from the beginning. You had a choice in the beginning of the relationship and now it's up to you to figure out what you want to accept...and the consequences of that decision.
Quote:
Am I overreacting or should he learn the basics of etiquette? I was not raised to act in this way so I'm having trouble accepting it.

I think you need to know if he has the motivation to make a change. If he doesn't, it's time to move on, because his is not an acceptable behavior by you nor for society at-large.
Gold Liquid
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Oct, 2015 07:52 am
@Ragman,
It's a new relationship and we're still getting to know each other.
Ragman
 
  3  
Reply Thu 1 Oct, 2015 08:01 am
@Gold Liquid,
I think if it were me, I'd feel at this point that I know enough. Public urination and having no idea of what is acceptable behavior (or defiant of it) would be a deal-breaker. Hopefully he has the motivation to modify his behavior. Otherwise you're with the wrong guy.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  0  
Reply Thu 1 Oct, 2015 08:26 am
@Ragman,
What does the judgement of society-at-large have to do with anything?

Socially acceptable behavior is dictated by social class, race, age, gender and geography and specific circumstance (behavior in church is different then behavior in a poker room). You don't know anything about any of these things, and yet you make statements about socially acceptable behavior.

And it seems irrelevant anyway... why should I care what society thinks about the person I choose to date?

I don't like the judgmental tone these posts take toward this man (based only on the second hand perspective on the original poster).

If he is happy, then I am happy for him... who cares about what the socially acceptable crowd thinks. The only question is whether the OP wants to be in a relationship with him.



Ragman
 
  3  
Reply Thu 1 Oct, 2015 08:33 am
@maxdancona,
Quote:
What does the judgement of society-at-large have to do with anything?
Plenty! Based on the comments of the OP, others opinions make a difference to her. If you're at odds with someone, be at odds with the OP (and public laws)...not me. Your attempt at obfuscation is apparent.

Furthermore, public urination is an arrest-able offense.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Oct, 2015 09:20 am
@Ragman,
My point is that there are perfectly good relationships where one or both people break social convention (i.e. do things of which "proper society" would not approve). If two people make each other happy, who cares? If someone who makes me happy wants to pee in public... so be it. Being in a relationship does not give me the right to tell my partner what she should or shouldn't do.

Conversely, if this guy annoys the OP, I think she should find someone else. I would say this if his behavior annoyed "proper" society. I would say this if even if his behavior was perfectly approved by the societal mavens of proper behavior.

What matters...the only thing that matters, is whether being with this guy makes her happy. A lover is not a judge nor is a lover a guardian.
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