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Please critique my short essay (It's about politics)

 
 
Reply Tue 28 Jul, 2015 09:50 pm
(BTW, I'm not writing about American Politics) Please, take time to read the entire paragraph and tell me what you think. Here it goes:

Undeniably, the events in the past two years have stirred a myriad of impeachment complaints against the President. Inspired by nationalistic candor or perhaps by the desire to gain power, the opposition seems to be forgetting that any impeachment complaint against the president, no matter how substantively meritorious, is doomed to fail because his party currently holds the majority of seats in congress. Any attempt to depose the president will be met with vehement dissent. Hence, from a political standpoint alone, impeaching a highly influential president is impossible.
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 469 • Replies: 4
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Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 Jul, 2015 11:03 pm
@tamara123454,
You wrote:
tamara123454 wrote:
Inspired by nationalistic candor or perhaps by the desire to gain power, ...

The word Candor seems to be out of place here. Is it possible you mean something else? Candor means ... the quality of being open, sincere, and honest.

Fervor might be a more appropriate choice...amongst others....to go with the word nationalistic.


On a positive note, I commend you on your non-capitalization of the word president:

http://blog.esllibrary.com/2012/11/01/when-do-we-capitalize-president/
Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 Jul, 2015 11:14 pm
@Ragman,
Ragman wrote:



On a positive note, I commend you on your non-capitalization of the word president:

http://blog.esllibrary.com/2012/11/01/when-do-we-capitalize-president/


It's capitalized in the opening sentence. Lowercase below.
tamara123454
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Jul, 2015 03:44 am
@Ragman,
Thanks, Ragman! How would you rate the paragraph in general?
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Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Jul, 2015 05:54 am
@Roberta,
I was too quick. You're right about the first reference. Tamara has correctly capitalized it.

In my humble opinion I'd rate the paragraph as well written. I feel your choice of the phrase 'substantively meritorious' a bit of a reach; however,

I don't know the level of your audience. If it's college level or graduate school or above it's fine; however, if the reading level is a general audience it could be a reach. If it were me, and it was a meant for A general audience, I'd use a simpler phrase. It's not a wrong choice but it might lose some folks in a general audience.

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