Reply Wed 13 May, 2015 09:23 am
If my husband has been untrustworthy with money ie has hid up to 4000.00 on me at his office, has hid money in his car. Takes out of the atm and tells me what the money is for but does not have a receipt. And controls our finances. And is currently having his check sent to work (including stubs) (yes he "almost" had a one night stand but couldn't do it,,,so he says)


should I insist that he bring his check stubs home and has receipts for what he says is atm withdraws for paying a certain bill.

((i have separated this because that is the major question))

I know I have buried my head in the sand before but I am looking through our last five months of statements (he sucks with money period and takes more for his wants and needs) doing a chart on what gets spent where and plan on using an online financial example for couples with these troubles.
He says he has done everything to help me trust him but I still don't especially now that "because of some mix up in his firms" accounting his checks are coming to work. Personally I don't know why they would make that decision to change the mail to address for him. He has an office and can hide things easily and has to leave town a lot.
He told me yesterday he is not going to change.
If he dose not go along with what I have to offer (I found this on marriage builders web site under financial problems I hope to have the guts to divorce him.
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 May, 2015 12:13 pm
@trustbutconfirm,
He's already lied to you about money. You're right that it's fishy - his company would not change his address without some sort of effort on his part.

If he is not paying your bills then he is dragging down not only his own credit rating but also your own. This will make it harder for you to build your life without him, or get loans and credit if you do stay together.

I suspect he has a gambling addiction if it isn't an affair. Either way, it's not looking so good.

What are you doing, hanging around?
trustbutconfirm
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 May, 2015 02:31 pm
@jespah,
No. It's not a gambling addiction.
We have been married 18 years and have a 12 year old and a nine year old.
Did you think I should ask him to bring home his pay stubs... Or demand because I have already asked. My assumption is he is either having somee deposited in another bank as he has direct deposit. I'm able to see his checks go into the account. My other assumption is unexplained time off. He swears up and down there is no one else.
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trustbutconfirm
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 May, 2015 02:33 pm
And he pays the bills. He's just make a nickel spend a dime save nothing. I sacrifice financially for my children. And since we needed more income I work part time nights and give him 90 to 100 percent of my check.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 04:57 pm
Well, there's your mistake. You should be having your own spending money and paying for extra things, like eating out and recreation costs.

Why are you not able to sit down and discuss a budget with your husband/
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 05:32 pm
@trustbutconfirm,
Stop giving him your check if you don't know where the money's going.

Put your foot down about this. Finances are nothing to screw around with. If yours are disappearing or going weird places, then you have the right to know about that.

Let me put it to you this way - if you are filing your taxes jointly, and you sign the tax form (even electronically, even if he does this with, ostensibly your signature, and even if he never shows them to you or asks you about them), you are presumed to be swearing that you know what is in those tax forms. And if he is doing anything that triggers an audit, then guess what? You are on the hook, too.
trustbutconfirm
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 May, 2015 07:19 am
@jespah,
I see where our money is going per say. If he is not holding any back.
He reassures me there's no one else.
I have been insecure about our relationship for a while. I've asked him to go to lunch on three separate occasions. He did take me once but it sucked because I had to get three "no I'm to busy or I'm going to work out at lunch".
I have made it perfectly clear that I want him to give me special attention other than sex. I want him to make time for me other than "the usual" time. And I've been very insecure and needy. Of course I'm driving him away with all this and I understand that. I just don't get the part where " I'm not going to meet your needs but I still want you to have sex with me". men are pigs.
Financially he is trying to be less selfish. But I feel all of it has been done out of bitching about it. I don't want to have to bitch to be a priority.
I know, I'm a damn push over and I've been one for years to a man who thinks physical contact is how you show a woman you love her.
Ya know guys. We gotta "want" to fu(k ya.
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