Could you mark and comment on the essay "A ban on boxing", please?

The task:
Mike Tyson's ear biting incident with heavyweight boxing champion Evander Holyfield re-ignited calls for a ban on the sport that has been dubbed by critics as "barbaric," "obscene," and "lethal." Several boxers have even been killed in the ring. Write an essay in which you either support or reject a ban on boxing.
Summury of the essay:
Box is a powerful form of art. It has roots in ancient Greece. Other kinds of contact sports are always dangerous, but it doesn`t mean that they must be banned as well.
The essay itself:
To ban the sport of boxing would be a crime. Boxers spend years training to discipline their minds and bodies to be stronger than the opponent's.
A 100 lb leather punching bag swings from a hook under the sundeck. It is biting cold outside and the boxer's breath floats into a tiny cloud above him and disappears. His eyes are transfixed at an unseen face on the target. He dances to a rhythm that only he can hear. He breathes loudly through his nose as each quick jab hits the bag hard. A powerful blow hits its mark after every third or fourth jab. The fists slice the air in precisely the same spot each time and a pattern emerges. The bag is now swinging as he circles, making his music. You cannot help but hold your breath at the beauty of his strength and agility.
Somewhere in America, a couple sits in their living room. As they surf the channels, they catch round ten of a professional boxing match. They comment that this violent and savage sport should be banned. They have never heard the music or seen the dance.
Boxing is an athletic contest between two persons. It has been stated that the primary aim of boxing is to deliver blows to the head and torso of an opponent and knock him down to render him incapable of rising to a standing position within 10 seconds. The aim is to render the opponent defenceless.
The sport of boxing originated as a gladiator sport in ancient Greece. Four sets of rules have governed the sport since 1743. In the original matches, boxers wore metal-studded leather gloves. It then developed into bare-knuckle brawls, and ultimately "evolved" into the gloved contest of today's sporting event, a match divided into twelve 3 minute rounds which allow for 1 minute rests between rounds. There are eight weight divisions. National and State commissions have increased their control of the sport since 1920. Amateur boxing has been an Olympic event since 1904.
Mike Tyson's introduction to boxing was in reform school after he committed a series of robberies. In 1985, he became a professional boxer and won 14 bouts, 11 of them with first round knockouts. By 1989, his record was 37-0, with 33 knockouts. In 1990, he lost the heavyweight title, and in 1992 he was sent to prison for rape. In his recent fight with Holyfield, he strove to regain respect. However, at a certain point in the fight, he realized he couldn't win and became extremely frustrated. He lost his self discipline and bit off a piece of his opponent's ear. It was the undisciplined act of an undisciplined man.
Tyson's barbaric conduct brought critics crying for a ban of the sport. People further argued that boxers have died in the ring. However, athletes have also been killed driving race cars and skiing. Players have been paralyzed during professional football and hockey games. Why don't we cry out for a ban on these contact sports? Different sports pose different risks.
The movie, When We Were Kings, is a documentary of the Ali-Forman bout that took place in 1974. The film is a testimonial to the artistry of the boxer. Boxing is a test of the physical, mental, and spiritual will of the opponents. It tests the strength of the individual.
We must not be dissuaded by cowardly or accidental incidents that occur in the ring. We cannot ban this powerful form of art. Rather, let us watch in awe as the fighter makes music under the sundeck. Let us watch in awe as we hold our breath.