help! parents unaccepting of my sexuality after one decade.

Telephone, e-mail, or better yet, regular old snail mail. I would try to do it on a positive note, though, at least at first. Like, for example, I'd mail them a gift and say something like, 'Even though you hurt me with your refusal to accept me as I am, I still love you and...blah blah.'

I think, it's difficult for them to accept you as you are. Maybe they're ashamed, maybe their dreams are shuttered, who knows what's going on in their mind, you should know them best.

A letter is probably an option I'd choose too. This way they cannot interrupt you and in reading it, they may realize how much they hurt you yet it leaves them room to save their face. I also would tell them in the end that if they accept you as you are, they can call you or write back. The ball is in their
corner then and calling you will mean they accept you. Don't hold your breath that it might happen anytime soon, but maybe they need the time to adjust.

Good luck to you and I hope your parents do come around and embrace you and your new family.

Just to add - first off, i'm sorry this is happening to you.

But also (sigh) another option is to cut them out of your life, or at least to threaten it. Be prepared to carry out the threat if called on it, though. I don't love threats but they are really negating you as a human being.

I would try a letter first though recognize that it may eventually come a time when you've gotta go to the nuclear option.

I don't believe this will answer all your problems; but so far as the relationship you have with your parents:

I've found that even when you are in the right, it is helpful to assume some responsibility. . . .
So. . .

"I'm sorry my life choices have made you uncomfortable, but I love you and it pains me that we cannot share family time together . . .", might be a good way to start. It puts the ball in their court without putting them on the defensive.

No guarantees. But it might be helpful, IMO.

The word "choices" may not be one that hayden88 would, well, choose.

OK. Similar words could be used.
Styles
Course?

I wouldn't presume to put words into her mouth, but my understanding is that people of the various gender orientations, including us, are pretty sure they're born that way. I don't consider my sexuality to be a choice; not sure why I'd say anyone else's is. The OP may have a different take on it, though.

I've sometimes considered it to be a Hobson's choice, at best.

I'm going to remember that: Hobson's choice. Thanks for the new vocab.

Hayden, I am so sorry. 10 years is a long time and they still won't accept "who you are" . I don't know if a letter will help, if they are set in their ways nothing and I mean nothing will change their "old fashioned ways" but it will help you, you've written it, sent it, expressed.

There really isn't anything else you can do.

The thing is you are your own person. Parents give birth to us but we choose our paths in life.

It may be that they don't accept who you are but I want you to know that, that is "their problem" please do not allow it to bring you down. You have a lovely wife who I can only imagine you love and a family.. Focus on the positives not the negativesw.

As for where you want to go, you already know they couldn't see that in their mind. At some point in our lives - we do all come together.

Tell them you love who you are and you are proud of they way they bought you up after all as a result you choose to be yourself and not a sheep, a follower and you are grateful.

Sometimes hearing that they did good despite their own opinions of life can move.

Ultimately though be happy don't let it affect your relationship of that of your wife and family...

Take responsibility for your feelings. Your parents are not hurting you. You are choosing to be hurt by your parents non acceptance. Your parents also have a right to their beliefs.
There comes a time when a child becomes an adult and takes control of their own life. Welcome to adulthood.
Personally I like to think as humans we can choose what we want. I have never accepted the victim excuse of I was born this way. I have always said consenting adults have a right to choose to be gay. Thus should a "cure" be found, lol, they are not obligated to become straight. Otherwise , adultery, beastiality, pedophilia and the like could use the same its not my fault I was born this way excuse.

I rather doubt ALL people are gay for the same reason. Like and love is often a learned behaviour. We may not know what happened in our lives that made us afraid of the dark or love the dark or spiders or other things, but they are seldom conscious choices, but they are choices we made for some unknown reason. Being gay could be as simple as a mismatch of pheromone physiology or a fear of the opposite sex due to subconscious memories of past events or things heard while you were still in the womb. No one really can know unless the isolate the gene, and then what if a person is gay but they don't have the gay gene? Must they accept they are straight?

I feel your commentary is invalidating to my personal experiences. Perhaps I am misunderstanding what you are conveying.

I started out very ignorant about sexuality in general, but time goes by and I have, after early on being dumb as a doorknob, been getting more aware and understanding more, over decades. It is possible for cis people (like me) to understand, but I'm not very hopeful re your parents understanding any time soon. Maybe, re your being a lesbian. Gender change, I hope so. Time and general awareness may have an effect.

So, I'll say, be at peace with yourself. Try not to war with them, that can be a spiral to nowhere, ramping up rancour.
You can tell them they are hurting you rather simply. Just say it. A letter sounds right.

Stand up for yourself with clarity (you probably already have), or let it go - no need to argue many times, but give them room to get used to what I figure is for them a kind of life horror at this time.

Do your homework. The genetic link has been found. That doesn't rule out environmental factors, but no one is in control of their early childhood environment, so that still doesn't make sexual orientation a choice. I won't say that absolutely nobody makes that choice as an adult, but it sure seems to be in the tiny minority.

Re "choice". It is not a choice being who you are, it is indeed a choice to act upon and live being true to yourself or not.

One thing to keep clear is that if you decide to cut ties with your parents it is not your responsibility, you are not choosing to distance yourself from them, you are choosing to live your life and that comes as a consequence. As a trans sister, I know these things can get incredibly complex and I am really sorry to hear that your parents have not been supportive.

I have heard many stories of people that have a lot more issues with homosexuality than transgenderism and things might get better with them if they think about you being in a straight couple.

I think it's great that you are taking the steps necessary to live your life as you want to live it, I love that. You are the only person responsible for yourself, sometimes you have to be selfish and not feel guilty for focusing on bettering your life.

omg Pantalones.....where have you been? Are you still in Tijuana? How the hell are you?

Are there other people in your life who are supportive of you and your spouse?

Family is not necessarily healthy, kind and caring.

You can't change your parents, but you can change your responses and your relationship with them.

Choose to be with people who are good to you, people who are supportive and loving to you.

long story made super short: I moved to Mexico City half a year ago to legally change my name and gender. I feel very happy with my life at the moment. I still plan to go to Tijuana every 3-4 months or so, how have you been? Are you still in SD?