I think I have Stockholm Syndrome.

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Real honest to God Stockholm Syndrome? How the heck did I get here. Four years ago I was on my way out the door, fed up with over a decade of abuse and his porn addiction. I made up my mind one day to allow myself to get mad (because it was forbidden before by my entire family) and got the battle of my life. I lasted 8 hours with mind games, emotional blackmail, and held down and slammed to the ground before my calm demeanor broke. At this point he decided to call for police assistance because I was "emotionally unstable". I was arrested because my husband had a scratch (whereas the jail took pictures of by black bruises up and down my body). The nightmare began here and I'm not going to revisit it, but basically it was determined that I had a mental breakdown due to being in an attachment crisis and I was prosecuted. I'm unsure if his making 10K a month, at that time, had anything to do with my arrest and sentencing.

Part of my release conditions was a paper titled a "No Offensive Contact Order" which means he can call and have me arrested again, for violation of my bench probation, if he feels threatened. It's a lot of power to give to a control freak. Anyway, at some point, the only way I didn't feel like I was being continuously gutted was to just concentrate on how I loved him and not the pain because the pain (agony and terror really) was too much. Now, I know he's abusive. My kids fight the battles I'm still not allowed to fight and with all this, I'm terrified of loosing him because I don't believe I'm attractive enough to find anyone else. How pathetic is that!

When did I become this person and why don't I have any control over it. It like part of me is an observer.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 4 • Views: 478 • Replies: 8

[+3] - jespah - 04/10/2015Go to a psychiatrist. Nobody on the Internet can responsibly help you with this.

@muzzled,

Go to a psychiatrist. Nobody on the Internet can responsibly help you with this.

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@jespah,

jespah wrote:

Go to a psychiatrist. Nobody on the Internet can responsibly help you with this.

That's true but the counciling is ineffective too. He just keeps saying I was raised with shame based punishment or asks how I feel about this or that. It's frustrating. I just want to gain a spine.

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@muzzled,

Then get another doctor. Shop around like you would for asparagus.

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@jespah,

jespah wrote:

Then get another doctor. Shop around like you would for asparagus.

lol, that's actually funny, asparagus. I am on state insurance; I don't get choices and hubby quit his job so no income from him anymore. I'll just deal with it.

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@muzzled,

jespah has it right.
1. No one here can tell you what your course should be, only you can and a therapist will facilitate that.
2. You issues about self are a separate issue from your legal issues, and you also need a lawyer.
3. Like jesup said, "shop for a therapist like you would for asperagus." Not all therapy and therapists are the same. Even in a state supplied councelling there has to be a mechanism to find at least another one that can help you derive a map out of your situation.

What a therapist does is help you focus on your own solutions. This requires an engagement of free and open communication between you and your therapist. Sometimes it takes a few different therapists to find the one that works for you. Try other sources for a therapist: women's support groups, your church etc.

There are solutions to your several different issues. Do not give up. People are interested in your life and you might be surprised how many different resources are available.

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Thanks and it all the same that I would say to an other. I mean, its logical but, I've been beating my head against this wall for three years. I am completely isolated because people think I'm some crazy monster. Even the councilor pays more attention to the charges brought against me than what I have to say. That conviction, even though I plead guilty because my kids needed me, is all anyone sees. I'm getting old looking with all the stress. I'm tired of loving someone who doesn't seem to know how to love and I crave passion, yet with all of that, I cannot imagine life without him. I'm such a mess --- thanks for listening.

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@muzzled,

Your resistance to a solution can be a very good sign. It can mean that you are getting ready to engage in therapy. You recognize the dichotomy of your attitudes, and that how one begins to sort out their inner feelings. Find a therapist to help you sort it all out.

Don't give in or give up. Your therapist concentrating on the legal aspects might well be what he/she she sees you concerned most with. Stick with it. Getting in touch with your feelings will be an important door to open to begin the process of your regaining control.

I think I have Stockholm Syndrome.

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