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Please Help, I'm confused

 
 
Reply Sun 26 Oct, 2014 10:36 pm
Hi

I'm a married housewife (Richa) of 28 years and had an arranged marriage 2 years back. Me and my hubby (Rahul) love and care for each other very much at times (when the time is good, though it's rare). But we keep on fighting almost daily for various small and big reasons. Let me tell you the fight intensity is big. We even beat each other during such fights. I cry very frequently and have even attempted suicide. Basically, our marriage is more of not working, but we can't divorce due to our family background.

There is a close childhood male friend of mine (Sumit). We parted in our early days only as our parents got transferred to different cities and we almost forgot each other. A year before my marriage, incidentally we discovered each other through a social networking site (he is also married now). Since then, we are talking/chatting almost on a daily basis for last 3 years and have become very close. We live in different cities now and haven't met for like 20 years or so. None of our spouses know that we've someone so close in our life.

Due to my differences with Rahul, I discuss all my personal things with Sumit now (even things that only a hubby is ought to know). Honestly, Sumit is more aware than Rahul of what is going on in my life, be it big or small. He listens to me very patiently and never complains or ignores me unless he is very busy with his office work or wife. He loves his wife very much and gives his full time to his wife when he is home. But he hasn't told her about me for he feels his wife might doubt our friendship.

Now the problem: Over the time, I have gone so emotional for Sumit that I can't imagine a life without him. Once he was traveling and was not available for a week. I can't tell you how I felt during that week. It was like I have been deprived of oxygen (he is not aware that I need him emotionally so much). On the other hand, Sumit is sexually unsatisfied with his wife and recently asked for sexual favors from me. Though I don't want to sleep with him (I have high sexual desires but I'm very much sexually satisfied with Rahul), but I'm feared that if I deny Sumit, he would probably stop talking to me and I would become virtually lifeless.

Kindly help what should I do. Please don't suggest to forget him. I have tried that and know I can't do that.
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 1,105 • Replies: 5
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Pearlylustre
 
  2  
Reply Sun 26 Oct, 2014 11:30 pm
@richa1372002,
Quote:
I'm feared that if I deny Sumit, he would probably stop talking to me


Well then you would know for sure that he isn't such a great person after all.

0 Replies
 
nacredambition
 
  0  
Reply Mon 27 Oct, 2014 01:21 am
@richa1372002,
Quote:
We live in different cities now and haven't met for like 20 years
First half pace was slow.

Quote:
It was like I have been deprived of oxygen
Oranges at half time.

Quote:
Sumit ... recently asked for sexual favors
Penetrating attack.

Quote:
I have high sexual desires but I'm very much sexually satisfied with Rahul
Defenses up to it.

Quote:
I would become virtually lifeless.
Blows full-time.

I think you should buy the webcam after all and keep him as a friend in the greatest game of all.
Pearlylustre
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Oct, 2014 07:40 pm
@nacredambition,
Is it your ambition to have a webcam nacred?
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Oct, 2014 08:14 pm
@richa1372002,
Well, since you're trapped in your marriage anyway and cannot get a divorce, I suggest you start talking to your husband. Sumit is happily married, yet he's sexually deprived and you're emotionally deprived. Two wrongs don't make it right.

You are using Sumit to unload your unhappy life, now Sumit is trying to use you for sexual favors. Again two wrongs don't make it right.

I can almost guarantee you that if you give in to his sexual favors, your asking for trouble. If your husband finds out, he probably will end your marriage or make your life even more miserable.

The only solution to your dilemma is that you go to couple counseling and if this is something you don't do in your culture, you should start talking to your husband. Maybe you want to tell him the things you tell Sumit and maybe he'll surprise you with his own confession of unhappiness. You are married for better or worse and since divorce is not an option, you surely don't want to continue living like this. So start talking to your husband, give your marriage a chance.
0 Replies
 
nacredambition
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Oct, 2014 12:08 am
@Pearlylustre,
Quote:
Is it your ambition to have a webcam nacred?


What would you take me for if that were my desire? Everything

is honky-tonky here cam-wise ever since we were all skyping daughter last semester at that university on the continent.

0 Replies
 
 

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