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Thu 8 May, 2014 11:20 pm
Hi, we're currently translating our game to english, and I've run into some problems with it. Thing is, I've done it myself and then sent it for an US proofreader to check (she's got a pretty good amount of orders done and such). And many of the mistakes she outlined I simply can't agree with.
Like, I wrote "The story tells about mass graves, buried without..." and she corrected it to "The story talks about mass graves, buried without...". I've never heard of the phrase "story talks" and pretty sure "story tells" us.
Or, "He stands right in from of me, his head turned to me. "Looks" at me, though he has no eyes. Bends his limbs in an inhuman manner. "
got corrected to
"He stands right in from of me, his head turned to me. He "looks" at me, though he has no eyes. He bends his limbs in an inhuman manner. "
Isn't it pretty obvious exactly who bends and looks? I understand that, probably, a 100% academic language requires those pronouns, but is it really wrong and not understandable?
Please correct if I'm wrong.
@Tharifas,
Tharifas wrote:
.
(yours) "The story tells about mass graves, buried without...
(Hers) "The story talks about mass graves, buried without...".
Of the two, I much prefer your original. I have heard of stories talking about something, but stories simply don't talk. In other words, just because we have heard a phrase or usage doesn't make it right.
Tharifas wrote:
(yours) "He stands right in from of me, his head turned to me. "Looks" at me, though he has no eyes. Bends his limbs in an inhuman manner. "
(hers) "He stands right in from of me, his head turned to me. He "looks" at me, though he has no eyes. He bends his limbs in an inhuman manner. "
I would use the pronoun just because I really like sentences that have subjects. Your version is perfectly clear and could probably be used in this style of writing, so it's kind of a toss up. It's kind of a telegraphic usage that you may use to keep the action moving quickly.
In the second example, you could also use 'and' to make one sentence of the last two.
To be honest, with the level of English you use, you can probably get by without her service, though you might get a native speaker to scan the text for unexpected idiomatic meanings.
@roger,
Thanks so much, at least I know I haven't gone crazy in the last months
It's just that my boss tells me "she's a native US, so she knows better, don't argue" =\
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