Help me check the note.

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Please help me check the note in terms of appropriateness, coherence and cohesion. Thank you!

Dear Sara，
I have heard that you are thinking of organizing an end-of-the-term party. That’s really a wonderful idea and I can help you. I can borrow the room from the Dean’s Office and I can help you decorate the room. I know some band and I can invite them to perform. I hope you can do this well.
Sincerely yours,
Roy

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 473 • Replies: 4

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@ziawj2,

Whats wrong with this note? Not very much. Send it.

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@bobsal u1553115,

Suppose Sara is a senior. Could you help me to rewrite it in a different style? Thank you!

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@ziawj2,

ziawj2 wrote:

Please help me check the note in terms of appropriateness, coherence and cohesion. Thank you!

Dear Sara，
I have heard that you are thinking of organizing an end-of-the-term party.
That’s really a wonderful idea and I can help you.
I can borrow the room from the Dean’s Office and I can help you decorate the room.
I know some band and I can invite them to perform. I hope you can do this well.
Sincerely yours,
Roy

Here is how I 'd write it:

DAVID wrote:

Dear Sara，
I have heard that you are thinking of organizing an end-of-the-term party.
That’s really a wonderful idea and I can help you.
I can borrow the room from the Dean’s Office and I can help you decorate the room.
I know a band that I can invite to perform.

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@ziawj2,

Or this:
Dear Sara，

I heard that you are thinking of organizing an end-of-the-term party.

That’s a wonderful idea and I can help you. The room from the Dean’s Office is available and I can help you decorate it.

Also, a band I know can perform.

Looking forward to hearing from you,
zawij

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