English Essay - Need Peer Editing

Please add a line break between paragraphs. It's hard to read this way, thanks.

Also, you don't have much of a conclusion. The essay starts out as talking about your life goals, and then it takes a left turn to talk about "The Step Note Taken". Which is the essay supposed to be about? If both, then you might want to work at least the name of the reviewed work into your thesis statement.

Hoy cow Jes how long did that take you, and perchance are you a teach or writer, etc

Dolt, by "line break" Jes means carriage return and he's absolutely right

The summer into grade 12 was doubtless my best,

http://thesaurus.com/browse/doubtless

"Going" is okay but not needed. Then "without a doubt" is okay too but just a little clunky. Last "summer" was a tad confusing at first glance since we think of starting in the fall; besides its second appearance is ever-so-slightly redundant

….not because it would be my last nor because I partied day and night, but thanks to (the) excitement pursuing (in pursuit of) my goals

"I knew" likewise okay but a tad superfluous. Ditto the comma, the "every" and the " I had in", while the third "because" is one too many

But D, let me not discourage you, in fact most sincere congratulations for your determination. It's that I'm a relentless fussbudget

Jes might argue that I'm possessed, and he'd be right

jespah first of all I thank you with all my heart for your time and care. If you would like some reward by all means I will happily paypal you money.
Otherwise I would like to begin my explaining that my essay really ends before the dashed lines (you'll see it, scroll down)
After that is a requirement for my essay. We were suppose to read 8 essays and write one that best compared or contrasted to one of them. That essay "The step Not Taken" happened to be one of them. So technically it is not part of my essay.
I had also changed 90% of your suggestions, please don't feel offended that some of your suggestions arent fufilled, its simply i need to reread them a couple of times.
Thank you once again, I owe you one or I owe you more ($).


The summer going into grade twelve was without a doubt my best summer. Not because I knew it would be my last, nor because I partied every day and night, but because of the excitement I had in pursuing my goals. Year after year, I would slack off, make excuses, and complain... But that summer I REALLY opened my eyes to what I wanted. The big city life, living large as a banker. I'm thankful for what the idea of post-secondary did to me: it frightened me and woke me up to realize my dream. The idea of being able to step outside of my home to crowds of people and buildings that shine a portrait- like backdrop is my idea of a happy life.a "backdrop" is a background photographers use for portrait shots. For example a family might come into a photolab get a picture taken with a blue backdrop in the background to add suttle effect. google portraits backdrop if you'd like.
This is what I want, and last summer I knew that I had to have it.

Without the drive to succeed in order to achieve your goals, there are people who will beat you there, and that's inevitable. But with that drive, your body ignites a sort of fuel within you that you never knew you possessed. When I had realized my goal, my drive to succeed followed even being alknowing that faliure was a possibility to surcome to, but failure is part of sucess. And I'm glad it did, as I hope it shall continue throughout my journey. The drive helps me push myself harder and harder each and every day. Knowing that when I get lazy at a moment it pushes me to get back on track because that drive helps me realize that my dream will not come to me, I have to go and get it.

The only difference between myself and the other thousands of people is how much I want it and what I am willing to do.
It's truly remarkable how a life goal can change what you think you know of yourself or of the world around you. And all of this simply comes by setting goals high, because if you reach them you know they can be set higher.

But I knew that this change, although not simple nor a quick one, would be a rewarding one.
When my journey towards my goals begun in the first semester of grade twelve, I never thought that I would stress so much over my goals and have to work this to reach them.

But stress is good, stress is the reassuring factor inside my head that tells me, you are working to get where you want, but work harder because it is possible. Without stress we are simply chimpanzees aiming to have enough bananas to feed on in the moment, and don't think of tomorrows banana supply.
Work, work, and even more work without that there are no tricks or special tips in order to succeed. All of my idols are self made men: Ralph Lauren, Warren Buffet, and Abraham Lincoln. They all have one thing in common, that is the commitment for the goals that they set and their accomplishment of just that. I admire dedication and I hope to follow the path of these men on some level by following through with my goals.

The goals I set determine the success level that I want to reach. But sometimes the hardest part in changing who I am, is convincing other of my change. Although people would not explicitly tell me of their lack of faith in me, it is quite obvious. I understand why, and personally I would most likely feel as they do. But nevertheless, I am not going to let that discourage me. Because quitting is what losers do, and I am not about to quit now, nor ever.

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"The Step Not Taken" inspired me to write my essay in a contrast manner, as the motivation had come from making the correlation in the title and the story itself. It is a story of a man with regret as he thinks what could have been if he chose to change who he was by helping out a man in need. In contrast my essay speaks of my revelation and understanding in what will happen if I take my step in which had never been taken before and why I chose to take that step. With D'angelo putting his understanding of what could have been if he decided to change his selffish ways and help out the man, I understood what will be if I don't help myself and change my ways.

To put this in better perspective and relation to "The Step Not Taken" the elevator is like my summer, the crying man is my future and I am the man taking in all of it. But in my scenario instead of walking out, I choose to change my old ways which would have left the man there to perish, and I had decided to help out the man because I know this is the right and logical thing to do.I changed this last paragraph

Ah, that reads much better (and it was unclear before that the bottom part was more of a reference). I'm a writer; don't sweat it. I need to edit my own stuff, so it helps for me to practice.

Payment? Go and be awesome. Escort a little old lady (or man, I'm not picky) across the street. Pay for someone else's morning coffee a few times. Invent an electric spaghetti twirler, or a swimsuit that doesn't make my butt look too big (wait, that might be impossible). Write a novel. Tell someone you care about them.

Go and be awesome.