He loved me for years and when I accepted his love, he said we have to stop!

Edited only to make it a bit more readable. Heartbreaking story.

Hi, I am a 37 years old woman. Been married for 10 years but currently working on the divorce with my husband as we haven't lived together since 4 years. I was managing an office when we needed to have a sub contractor to provide us with services. The manager of the subcontracting company was very nice, polite, gentleman and very handsome. We worked together for almost 3 years and he was so supportive, very understanding and was treating me so good. I always admired him but that time, I could never think that we can be good together. he told me about his personal life that he was married twice but again having problems with his second wife and going through divorce for the second time.

The best thing about us was that we were so supportive to each other, we understood each other and loved to talk and comfort each other for years. He always took care of me when I was down, always encouraged me at my bad times but I had no intimate feelings for him. His presence only made me feel secure and loved. We continued this way until the few last months when I felt that I have to give myself and him the chance to get closer and we did.

he told me that he truly loves me and it was so obvious from his eyes, attention and the care he gave me. I also started getting to love him as he was so perfect and so ideal for me. Things were going ok until he pulled away suddenly one day with no reason, I was clueless of what is happening and panicked. He only sent me an email saying that we have to STOP our relationship as we are getting closer and that we still don't know what will happen with both our divorces.

We spoke and second day everything was fixed, then we got even closer and we "made love". We both realized that we are literary mad about each other and we were so perfect together in every single way.

He got sick and since myself and him are not from the same nationality, He had to travel to his country (UK) to get treated. We met the same night he traveled, everything was so perfect, we kissed and hugged each other passionately and I hoped he comes back soon as he said he is only going to see a doctor.

He sent me an email saying he was ok and that he will need more time to stay as it was the Christmas period and he had to be with his kids.

Then he suddenly disappeared, I tried to call him, text him, left him emails but with no clue at where he was or what was happening to him! It was over the Christmas and new year period and the times and tears I had, I will never forget till I die as I was lost and had no clue about him.

He then came back and he sent me an email telling me that he did what he did on purpose and had to stop with me as he had a long term relationship in his country and he was torn between us!!! He never told me about this relationship all these years and I was so shocked to hear it. In his email he said that he stopped with both me and the other woman as he needs space to sort things.

he said he loves and misses me terribly but he is all mixed up and needs time to sort things. That email was the worst thing I ever read. I answered him then asked him to meet me. We met and he was confused. He said that he slept with the other woman when I asked him if he did so and was lost of what to do!

I gave him love, I holed his hands, he kissed my hands, he hugged me with love as i was crying in his arms then he said that we will talk shortly.

Our deadline was on my birthday-we were supposed to meet and talk. He sent me a text saying that he loves me but he can't meet me! I was so sad and spent the birthday crying over him as I truly love him. We have been this way now since two months and the last time we saw each other was almost a month back.

Now we have no contact with each other, no emails, no texts, nothing. I am missing him terribly and I have no clue on how to save our relationship. I only want to know how much will it take him to sort his mind or does his silence means that our relationship is over
Sad
Please help me...thanks
Monalisa

He is going the "no contact" route. You've got to respect that.

It's over, I'm sorry. That's what it means.

So - cry, mourn, feel lousy! But only for a while.

You need to live now, when you are ready.

There is someone out there for you, someone who isn't leading a double life.

Go out and be awesome, and find that person. You can do it.

I wonder how long he was seeing this other girl in the UK? Maybe for a while and that is why his other marriages didn't work. I know its hard for you and I know what your going thru cuz I am just getting over having an affair and he too would just ignore me for a while saying he needed space to figure things out with his wife and although he said he wants to end his marriage gives a ton of excuses for why he hasn't. I believe if somebody really loves someone they will do anything they can to be with that person. They don't make up excuses and if one of his excuses is that he loves this other woman then even if he did come to you you will always wonder if he's still seeing her and you will drive yourself crazy. I have been there. You are still young and there are so many guys out there so if you are now divorced from your husband I say go live and have fun.

It seems to me that he never loved you in the first place. What he loved is the pursuit of you. I'm sorry you got burned by the messiness of human psychology. If you want to understand what burnt you, I recommend Paul Watzlawick's book The Pursuit of Unhappiness, especially the chapter "Beware of arriving." (The thought in the chapter is that "it's better to travel hopefully than to arrive".) I hope you heal soon and well.