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Sun 20 Oct, 2013 01:44 pm
I have a big confusing mess that I really need a guy's opinion on. I met this guy at a dance club, and we really hit it off, but I didn't let him kiss me even though he kept going for it. We left the club around 4am and walked through the park for an hour talking about our families, our future goals, life, ect. He finally said that he lived pretty far away and didn't want to pay for a taxi because it would be too expensive, and the trains were closed, so he asked if he could sleep on my floor (first red flag). I debated for a while and he kept saying no pressure, and I finally (naively) agreed he could sleep over on my couch. When we got home there was a lot of flirty banter about pajamas and the sleeping arrangement, and I finally agreed to let him cuddle with me in my bed. Then he kept saying he wanted to kiss me, and I kept saying no, no, no, I am not the one night stand kind of girl, he has to earn it (which is completely true, I've never had a one night stand before). He tried for about 20min and I kept shaking him off, then I could sense he was getting really restless, so we started making out.
Things escalated from there, and I kept resisting each step like removing certain clothes and touching places. But in the end we got to the point where he was trying to f**ger me, but he was really bad at it so I kept telling him where to move and stuff. He got kind of frustrated because he wasn't really that effective, and even said (maybe he was joking?) that he would prefer if I faked it instead of giving him instructions. So I ended it early and decided to not make it a total fail of a night, and gave him a bj. It was actually my first time doing it too, which he knew, but it was successful so me 1, him 0. But he kept saying we should just have sex, and I'm a virgin and kept saying no way that's the one thing I refuse to do, but he even brought it up after that a couple times. He never made me feel uncomfortable, but I felt like he wasn't completely getting everything he wanted (obviously). So he passed out after we were done, and I took a shower and got dressed and everything because it was already 8am and I had c*m all over me (ew.). I was so tired after getting ready that I laid down on the couch and fell asleep. When he woke up he kept asking why I was sleeping on the couch, not the bed, and I said he looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake him up (plus he was stretched out all over the place and I don't think I would have fit without shoving him over).
He was also kind of distant, and wasn't looking at me that much, but he kept lingering, and I was the one to say, okay what are we gonna do now, do you want to go home or go see this race with me at my school (he said he wanted to go yesterday) and I wasn't pressuring him at all. He said he wanted to go to the race, so we took the bus over and walked around, but he was starving, so we found food and ate lunch. He wasn't talking that much or looking at me that much, and he said he was really hungover and couldn't open his eyes that well because he only slept 3hrs. I started to think that maybe he didn't mean all the things he said last night about me being beautiful and that he liked me, and he didn't make any effort to talk or make jokes like he did last night. I let him off the hook and said he could ditch if he wasn't feeling well, I would totally understand, and he said yes he thinks he's going to go home and crash.
So right before we parted I realized we didn't have each others' numbers, and he was starting to leave and I asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime. He said he wasn't going to be in town much longer, so it was up to me (this made me really sad because last night he said he had no plans to move/travel because he just got to this city 4 months ago on a one way ticket from his home country). I was really bummed but didn't want to give up on it, so I said I would like it if we could hang out again, even if it's just casual, and I asked for his number. Then he said bye and left.
Also important to note that I'm a decently attractive girl, guys come up to me and smile or chat, so I don't think him being repulsed was why he wasn't so into me when he left. Was it because I let him get for far in bed? Or because I didn't climb back in after? Also, should I just delete his number to remove the temptation or is there any hope he still might be into me. I'm worried I came off as very disinterested this morning and that may be why he didn't want to make any moves sober. Guys honestly please tell me what you think this means!!! Thank you in advance.
He made his intentions very, very clear. You're just not listening.
He got what he wanted and he doesn't want anymore, so he's done. Sorry.
@jespah,
Yep. And trust me, you don't want this guy, anyway. He pressured you into letting him stay at your place and have intimate relations. Bad move. Then he is distant in the a.m. and doesn't ask for your number.
How more obvious could he be?
Don't ever let yourself get into that situation again, but ask yourself why you'd even want him.
Delete his number, girl.
@a1708,
You mean to say that you didn't make him breakfast?
Did you at least contribute something towards the taxi fare? No?
Sheesh....you modern girls. No idea of romance.....
He probably thinks you're a nut case, which, in fact, you are.
Be glad he's gone, but - god girl - did you learn anything from this fiasco?
@PUNKEY,
She's not a 'nut case', she's just inexperienced and suffering from low self-esteem, else how could she be talked into this?
@Mame,
Mame wrote:
She's not a 'nut case', she's just inexperienced and suffering from low self-esteem, else how could she be talked into this?
Yeah she's inexperienced, she didn't even make him breakfast.
ok you wanted a guys opinion and no guys have responded so I will. He decided that you were too much work to get what he wanted so he lost interest. the more interesting question is why did he ever get it in his head that you might be good for a hit and run ****? were you at the club alone and this is only normally done by females searching for a one night stand? that would be my first guess. you really must figure out a way to be more clear about what you are all about so guys dont waste their time like this.
@hawkeye10,
You really remind me of a colleague from years ago. Note that I didn't call him a friend, as I quickly disassociated myself from him after I saw him in action.
The year end sales conference always ended up in the nearest disco/nightclub, and this one happened to be "Cinderellas Rockefellas" in a god awful place called Batley, if I remember correctly. The place was the arse end of Batley, and Batley is hust about the arse end of Northern England, so you can imagine.....
There were about thirty of us, suited and booted, who all arrived en masse.
Twenty or so of us didn't want to be there but the rest just waded in like animals.
My colleague, a Glaswegian, got his first pint and straight away, stone cold sober, went to the nearest group of girls, approached one and said "excuse me love, do you ****?"
"No I do not!" came the indignant reply.
Without even breaking his stride, he then asked "well, what about any of your mates?"
He couldn't even be bothered to ask them in person!
True story.
Frankly, I didn't know where to look, and made a quick exit stage left as soon as I could.
Some guys out there are bastards, pure and simple.
Ps.... he apparently ended up having someone in the local graveyard. And who says love is dead!
@Lordyaswas,
being literal/direct/clear is exactly how the feminists tell men to try to requisition sex from females. Generally I am not a fan as I think we need the game, I love the game, but it would have helped with these two. i think what we have is a guy who is playing what was once and might still be the oft played game of trying to talk/manipulate his way into a girls pants and a girl who has absolutely no idea what so ever that she is supposed to be playing a game. it's tragic how not on the same page these two where given the opportunity lost and in all likelihood hurt feelings on both sides but I am not going to hang the guy at this point. this girl might have been acting like she knows the game, like she was playing the game, even though she clearly (to us) was not...the guy might not have been a jerk.
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