My daughter keeps beating me,help!

This is unacceptable and you need to show her WHERE to put her frustrations. Tell her that she can no longer his ANY person when she is angry, overwhelmed. Give her a "hitting pillow" or something that she can take out her feelings on. If she starts hitting, pick her up and put her into her room and tell her to come out when she gets her anger under control.

Now . . . . WHAT is setting this child off like this? Does she act out at school? Are there older siblings? Five year olds do have low frustration levels but don't allow this hitting to continue. You must be firm about this or she will bully other people to get control of situations all her life.

If little tiny starts acting out with violence, buy a german shepherd puppy, its amazing what animals can do to begin the maturation process of our kids . That is of course, unless shes possessed by a demon.

Hi PUNKEY,
I only have one child and she has been belligerent long. I always punish her but she still misbehaves. Maybe her grandparents dote on her a lot so she is not afraid of me.

Her behavior is like an exaggerated 2 year old.
Take her to counseling - or better yet, you into parenting class. BEFORE she is a teenager!!!

And buy some books on parenting children her age, and on parenting violent children...it's too big a subject for any person to effectively cover in a forum. We aren't born with the knowledge of how to parent, and we aren't born with the knowledge of how to handle conflict

and...

You may want to consider dietary contributors to her behaviours (some children are intolerant to particular chemicals or foods, which can have a drastic affect on their thinking process, and consequently, on their behaviour)

and...

You may also want to consider that she may have a medical condition (ie. if other things don't work, get her tested)

In the first instance though - the behaviour isn't acceptable. Do you discipline while angry? (because if you do, she may copy this behaviour back towards you). And have you shown her non-violent ways to handle her frustrations? And do you give her the support (sometimes that equals space) necessary for her to cope with her frustrations (if that is the cause of the violence)?

Still - look at all the possible factors.

I found that a stern and deliberate voice stating that "it is unacceptable to behave in such a manner" followed by taking away a privilege, like television, iPod, or whatever is her favorite thing to do, will work. But if she has been getting away with this for some time you and your wife must be consistent and back each other up, because she will not relinquish She either learns it at home or she learns it in juvenile court. By that time, it will be very late in the game. If you are afraid you will make her cry, she has won the day. If you and your wife are not in charge, she will assume leadership. Since she is so young she is not equipped to make great life choices. Everybody needs to know what the boundaries are, because without that you continue to lurch around to find them. Don't let her step over boundaries with you that you would not.

Thank you very much.

Glitterbag's advice is excellent. I had two nephews for whom i cared a great deal of the time. I never used violence, and only used restraint if one were attempting to hurt the other. The youngest got into a thing of hitting me and running off laughing. So, once when he did this, i just reached around in front of him with my left arm, lifted him off the ground, and swatted his behind. I hadn't hit him hard, but he was shocked. He looked at me, and said, reproachfully, "Uncle _____, you hit me." I replied: "Yes, and if you hit me again, i'll hit you." So he ran off to his father who said: "Good, he should have hit you harder."

But it's not physical punishment that works. As Glitterbag points out, privileges are the best avenue. I used to take them to the beach or the swimming pool. When we went to the pool, there was a restaurant we stopped at that served fruit garnishes with their meals, and they knew they had to eat the fruit first, or there would be no more trips to the pool. When we went to the beach, we'd stop at a diner. The food wasn't great, but it wasn't bad either--i had chosen it because there were vegetable side dishes with all of the blue plate specials. They knew they had to order vegetables (i didn't care which vegetables, the point was that they had to eat them). They could then have a dessert, as long as it was fruit-based. They not only finished their vegetables, they ate them first, and made a point of telling me they had done so. When the meal was done, they would eagerly show me their "clean" plates--then they could have dessert.

They were both too young to swim in the ocean, so i wasn't worried about that. There was a long, long fishing pier there, and there were the usual cheap tourist joints at the beach end. They loved to go play the pinball machines or the video games, but they also knew that that would only happen just before we went home, so they were on their best behavior the whole time we were at the beach, because they knew i had a roll of quarters in my pocket. Pinball and video games were contingent on good behavior. They were excited at the prospect and there was no resentment that it was contingent on good behavior. I was never harsh with them, and they knew they could ask me anything, and would accept it if the answer were no, or i don't know.

Their mother loved them and took good care of them, but she was no kind of disciplinarian--one day everything would be fine, and the next she would yell at them for everything. Their father always felt bad because he couldn't spend more time with them, so he'd promise them this and he'd promise them that, and he usually failed to deliver. I never made them promises unless i knew i could keep them, and they quickly learned (a matter of days) the it all depended on their behavior. Mostly, i'd say: "I don't know, we'll see." They didn't like that and muttered, but they were not disappointed by a promise broken if it didn't happen, and they were truly excited when it did. Going to the beach was so special to them that in under a week, i had complete (and benign) control of them. No hitting, no fighting, no yelling--they may not have been perfect gentlemen, but they were good kids.

As Glitterbag says, it's about boundaries, and in my experience, rewards after they showed they could behave properly.

For GawDesmond & Setanta:
First of all, I was very flattered you thought my suggestions were helpful. I don't, however, want you to think I never engaged in tougher methods. My son was an easy baby, mostly happy and for the most part easy to handle. I don't want to tell you he was always cooperative, because every so often his behavior was totally unacceptable. I didn't make a list of things he did that required ultra tough response, but once when he was around 7, he was with me and some of my adult friends and suddenly he was was behaving like a jerk trying to ridicule every comment I made (to this day I don't know what he was trying to do), but after about 4 or 5 sullen, bratty comments I excused myself from the adults and walked him in to another room. What I told him was I didn't understand why he was being so disrespectful, but it was up to him how we were going to go forward. To put a fine point on my comment to my 7 year old, I said if he thought it was neat to make embarrassing comments about me.......consider how much I know about your 7 year old butt, and would he like me to make similar comments about him when all his little buddies came over to our house to spend time with him. Frankly, I would never have tried to humiliate him in front of his friends, but he wasn't so sure. And the smart mouth crap came to a halt.

I also have a story regarding my nephews who I dearly love. But my first born nephew was a doll until about 18 months and suddenly became a holy terror. My brother and his wife claimed it was because he was uber intelligent, a regular indigo child. And because he was sooooooo smart he didn't need to use actual words even when he was 4, because everybody else let him grunt for what he wanted. During this time my mother was fairly well along in the grip of Altzheimers, (she was only about 63 at that time) so my brother and sister in law and the glitterbags visited at least every Friday and I would bring dinner so we could spend time with our parents and keep an eye on their situation. My oldest nephew became more and more difficult. One night, I noticed his juice box had been sitting on the dining room table long after dinner and decided to put it in the fridge for safekeeping. By the time I opened the fridge, Brian came raging into the kitchen grunting and pointing wearing a diaper and those hard soled white baby shoes of the era. Of course I knew what he wanted, but I said Brian, what do you need sweetie, he's grunting and jumping and pointing, and I said I don't understand you, just use simple words so Aunt glitterbag can help you. (Ok, there were a few more attempts to get him to speak but he
would just jump and grunt). The crap hit the fan when I said I'm sorry Brian, I don't understand what you are saying and put the juice back in the fridge. As I placed the box in the fridge he grabbed my leg and kicked me HARD in the ankle. I immediately warped into correction mode and grabbed his outstretched hand, pulled him up straight and gave him a sharp smack in the fleshy part of his upper thigh. You heard a crack, and he was so shocked he didn't even protest for about 60 seconds, the he screamed bloody murder. My brother marched into the kitchen looking annoyed and said "is there a problem in here?", I told my younger brother " Not anymore, brian gave me a sharp kick in the ankle and I smacked the fleshy part of his upper thigh. I didn't allow my son to kick grown ups and will definitely not accept any new age bull hockey about why 4 years olds act out with inflicting pain because of (who cares). That 4 year old is now 25 and cuts me a wide bearth.

Treat people the way you want to be treated. Make sure your children know to do the same. Respectful behavior tells more about the person than the one on the receiving end.

Good luck with you 5 year old, don't let her hit you, her mother or other kids. Make sure you and your wife are on the same page and please stick with it. I really hope this works for you, but if it doesn't, check out professional family council or some time your church can be very helpful. Pick the option that's the most palatable for your family, if you don't, prepare to see her grow into a bully.