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Does this article sound grammatically natural and rhetorically cool?

 
 
Reply Tue 12 Mar, 2013 12:07 am

Shinkansen

The Shinkansen (新幹線?, new trunk line), also known as the "Bullet Train", is a network of high-speed railway lines in Japan operated by four Japan Railways Group companies. Starting with the Tōkaidō Shinkansen in 1964,[1] the network has expanded to currently consist of 2,387.7 km (1,483.6 mi) of lines with maximum speeds of 240–300 km/h (149–186 mph), 283.5 km (176.2 mi) of Mini-shinkansen lines with a maximum speed of 130 km/h (81 mph), and 10.3 km (6.4 mi) of spur lines with Shinkansen services.[2] The network presently links most major cities on the islands of Honshu and Kyushu, with construction of a link to the northern island of Hokkaido underway and plans to increase speeds on the Tōhoku Shinkansen up to 320 km/h (199 mph).[3] Test runs have reached 443 km/h (275 mph) for conventional rail in 1996, and up to a world record 581 km/h (361 mph) for maglev trainsets in 2003.

Shinkansen literally means new trunk line, referring to the tracks, but the name is widely used inside and outside Japan to refer to the trains as well as the system as a whole. The name Superexpress (超特急, chō-tokkyū?), initially used for Hikari trains, was retired in 1972 but is still used in English-language announcements and signage.

The Tōkaidō Shinkansen is the world's busiest high-speed rail line. Carrying 151 million passengers per year (March 2008),[4] it has transported more passengers (over 5 billion, entire network over 10 billion)[5] than any other high speed line in the world. Between Tokyo and Osaka, the two largest metropolises in Japan, up to thirteen trains per hour with sixteen cars each (1,323 seats capacity) run in each direction with a minimum headway of three minutes between trains. Though largely a long-distance transport system, the Shinkansen also serves commuters who travel to work in metropolitan areas from outlying cities. Japan's Shinkansen network since its inception had the highest annual passenger ridership of any network until 2011, when China's high speed rail network surpassed it at 370 million passengers annually.[6] The Shinkansen network of Japan still leads in cumulative passengers.

More:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinkansen
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 474 • Replies: 3
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View best answer, chosen by oristarA
roger
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Mar, 2013 01:00 am
@oristarA,
oristarA wrote:

Between Tokyo and Osaka, the two largest metropolises in Japan, up to thirteen trains per hour with sixteen cars each (1,323 seats capacity) run in each direction with a minimum headway of three minutes between trains.


Yes, rhetorically cool, except I've never head "headway" used this way. If it were mine, I would change it to 'spacing', or anything except 'headway'. All the numbers are distracting, but if you need them, you need them.

Rhetorically cool, eh? I'll wait for a chance to slip that into a conversation and see how it goes.

MattDavis
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  2  
Reply Tue 12 Mar, 2013 01:41 am
@roger,
Roger wrote:
Rhetorically cool, eh? I'll wait for a chance to slip that into a conversation and see how it goes.
I'm going to hold you to that Roger. Wink

Great writing. I had to look very closely, to even find much to suggest. Very Happy

I agree with Roger regarding "headway", perhaps you mean "leeway".
Roger's suggestion for "spacing" would probably be the most recognizable term in the US.

I don't understand why you have [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] mixed into the text.
I would take those out.

oristarA wrote:
Carrying 151 million passengers per year (March 2008),[4] it has transported more passengers (over 5 billion, entire network over 10 billion)[5] than any other high speed line in the world.

The 5 billion and 10 billion distinction is unclear to me.
If you can tell me the difference, I might be able to make it more clear to other readers.
What distinction you are trying to make?

oristarA wrote:
...commuters who travel to work in metropolitan...

What you have is grammatically correct, but I think that "...commuters traveling to work in metropolitan..." is more rhetorically cool. Very Happy
I think it flows better.

Along the more rhetorically cool line of suggestions:
oristarA wrote:
Japan's Shinkansen network since its inception had the highest annual passenger ridership of any network until 2011, when China's high speed rail network surpassed it at 370 million passengers annually.

The "since" clause is a little awkward here, in my opinion.
"Japan's Shinkansen network had the highest annual passenger ridership of any network, until 2011, when China's high speed rail...."
I think more rhetorically cool that way. Wink
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Mar, 2013 06:52 am
Up to thirteen trains per hour with sixteen cars each (1,323 seats capacity) run in each direction with a minimum headway of three minute intervals, traveling between Japan's two largest metropolises, Tokyo and Osaka.

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