SATAN DUMPS ROCK & ROLL
'Now he's into Rap music!' says top demonologist !
By FREUD PACHENKO
Rock is out and rap is in as the Devil's music of choice, according to a a satanic cult leader who claims to be in contact with the Dark Lord himself!
David Birnbaum, demonologist and leader of the Disciples of Mighty Satan cult, revealed, "After an unholy communion with the Prince of Darkness, Satan asked me to announce that rock, since it has lost its rebellious edge, will no longer be considered 'the Devil's music.' From this day forth, that distinction will be held by rap music."
According to Birnbaum, rap won the title easily, beating adult contemporary, country, and polka music by a wide margin.
For years, rockers such as Ozzy Osbourne, The Rolling Stones, and KISS have been accused of being in league with the Dark Lord. But soon, we'll be hearing the names of hot rappers linked with Satan instead. Birnbaum said Lucifer still intends to honor his contracts with rockers, but he'll no longer be taking souls from today's headbangers.
A record industry executive, who requested anonymity, says he isn't surprised by the announcement. "Satan has always been on the cutting edge of music, and this latest move shows he is right on top of cultural trends. Rock has been losing popularity ever since Kurt Cobain killed himself in the mid-90s."
Analysts believe Satan was drawn to rap by the gangsta style of violence epitomized by such past stars as Tupac Shakur and the Notorious B.I.G
problem there is only Christians will listen to Christian rap.... but people who claim to be Christians will still listen to 2 Chainz, Soulja Boy Lil Wayne, Cash Out, Big Sean.......well, you get it.
Well,you could get a powder blue suit, some white patent leather shoes and a cable channel slot and probably do pretty well. It's certainly worked out well for a lot of fellas
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