PHP Debate

Forums: Php, Waggery, Humor
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Code:

<?php

#######################################################################

##                                                                   ##

## PHP DEBATE 1.0.0  Initiation file                                 ##

## ----------------------------------------------------------------- ##

##                                                                   ##

#######################################################################

##                                                                   ##

## Author: Robert 'Craven de Kere'                                   ##

##          http://www.able2know.com                                 ##

##                                                                   ##

#######################################################################



include_once ('common_variables.php');



if ($_SERVER['SERVER_NAME'] != 'able2know.com'{

echo "You have stolen this from able2know.com. Which is fine with us. Let us know when the burning sensation in your crotch shows up.";



BurningSensation(crotch);



}



if ($user_visits < 1) {

echo "<b>Disclaimer</b><br><a href=\"http://www.php.net\">This is PHP</a><br><a href=\"$PHP_SELF\">This is PHP on drugs</a><br>Please do not expect valid syntax, this is a $lang['joke'],";

} 



if (!isset($HTTP_GET_VARS['username']){

    die ('<b>Fatal Error:</b>

	User unknown, please register to participate ');

}



$root_path = '/home/' . $username . '/public_html';



//

// connect to the database

//



include_once ($root_path . 'brain.conf');



$sql = "SELECT *

	FROM " . BRAIN_TABLE;

if( !($result = $db->sql_query($sql)) )

{

	message_die(CRITICAL_ERROR, "Could not query brain", "", __LINE__, __FILE__, $sql);

}



//

// check for common_sense, kill the script if not found, load common_sense if found

//



if (!file_exists($root_path . 'common_sense.dat'))

{

    die ('<b>Fatal Error:</b>

          $root_path does not contain common_sense.dat, 

	  please download common_sense.gzip from http://www.waggery.com/ ');

}

else {

include_once ($root_path . 'common_sense.dat');

}



if isset($HTTP_POST_VARS['mood'])) {

$mood = ($HTTP_GET_VARS['mood']);

} else {



echo "You have no strong feelings one way or the other";



}



if ($mood = 'humourless'){

    die ('<b>Fatal Error:</b>

          Please download homor.gzip and run teh install file first ');

}



start(php_debate)



?>

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Type: Discussion • Score: 3 • Views: 6,214 • Replies: 17

No top replies

!!!!

0 Replies

Code:

<?php

/* Beware of bugs */



switch ($mood){

case "braindead":

   include_once ('circular_logic.php');

case "stressed":

   if ($cause = "constipation"){

      for ($i = 1; $i <= 50; $i++){

         EatPrune($i);

      }

      if (!$tp or $tp=0){

         update tp_holder set roll=1;

         insert into trash (select empty_roll from tp_holder);

      }

      CommenceEvacuation();

   } else {

      while ($mood = "stressed") && (!$dead){

         SwigVodka();

      }

   }

default:

   echo "Allow a few seconds to load debate\n\n";

   RubBrow();

   ItchCrotch();

}



ReallyStart(php_debate);



?>

0 Replies

Code:

<?php 

####################################################################### 

##                                                                   ## 

## ROTFLMAO 1.0.0                                                    ## 

## ----------------------------------------------------------------- ## 

##                                                                   ## 

####################################################################### 

##                                                                   ## 

## Author: Robert 'Craven de Kere'                                   ## 

##          http://www.able2know.com                                 ## 

##                                                                   ## 

####################################################################### 



if ($_SERVER['SERVER_NAME'] != 'able2know.com'{ 

echo "You have stolen this from able2know.com. Which is fine with us. Let us know when the burning sensation in your crotch shows up."; 



BurningSensation(crotch); 



} 



function roll ();

{

rotate ();

 {

for ($left_space = 0; $left_space > 10; $left_space--) {

roll_left ();

}

for ($right_space = 0; $right_space > 10; $right_space--) {

roll_right ();

}

 }

}



function rotflmao ();

{

laff ();

roll();

}



while ($ass_attached = TRUE) && ($floor_unobstructed = TRUE){

{

rotflmao ();

}



if ($ass_attached = FALSE){

end_rotflmao()

echo "That is easily the funniest thing posted to A2K Monger";

}

?>

0 Replies

[

Code:

<?php 

####################################################################### 

##                                                                   ## 

## Move thread? 1.0.0                                                ## 

## ----------------------------------------------------------------- ## 

##                                                                   ## 

####################################################################### 

##                                                                   ## 

## Author: Robert 'Craven de Kere'                                   ## 

##          http://www.able2know.com                                 ## 

##                                                                   ## 

####################################################################### 



if ($_SERVER['SERVER_NAME'] != 'able2know.com'{ 

echo "You have stolen this from able2know.com. Which is fine with us. Let us know when the burning sensation in your crotch shows up."; 



BurningSensation(crotch); 



} 



$initial_intent = 'serious';

$current_tone = 'Sheer frivolity';



$yes = $HTTP_GET_VARS['vote_yes']; 

$no = $HTTP_GET_VARS['vote_no']; 



if ($yes > $no){



move_to_waggery.com ()

}

?>

0 Replies

Code:

<?php



echo 'gobs of errors! The quick replu window is way too small!';

?>

0 Replies

Code:

<?php



AddMyVote("yes");

if ($yes > $no){ 

   move_to_waggery.com()

} 



//

// Check value set in earlier post & razz accordingly

//



if ($ass_attached = FALSE){

   echo "<h1>Behold Craven, the Assless Wonder!!</h1>";

   start(php_freakshow);

}

?>

0 Replies

Code:

<?php



$aside = "I've written very little PHP before now, so I'm having to learn from your syntax, run php.net function searches & rely on some old VB knowledge...but it's been fun! I doubt anyone has written functions that detail rotflmao procedures before :lol: or constipation relief procedures, for that matter, heh.\n<br>'Twould be difficult for me to write PHP for any kind of debate that requires more than simple if else clauses, for loops & basic stuff like that, though. Me hopes some of the other PHP programmers 'round these parts show.";



echo ("<small>".$aside."</small>");

?>

0 Replies

truth
I'm nauseated.

0 Replies

Code:

<?php



echo "Don't take any hints from my code, it's rife with syntax errors and upon a second look the programming is all wrong too. For instance, the rolling would go to the left and never stop because I started it at 0, am subtracting and the for statement is > 10. In some cases I just ignore the programming to make it more legible (and I use an include for general variables and functions so that I can use stuff i never declared,";

?>

0 Replies

Code:

<?php



$how_easily_amused = $HTTP_GET_VARS['hea'];

$attention_span_loss = $HTTP_GET_VARS['asl'];

$amused_value = ($how_easily_amused - $attention_span_loss);



echo "Heh. Yeah, I'd noticed the general variables include (I'm using it too :)) & the infinite roll() loops..";



if is_infinite($how_easily_amused){

  die ("<b>Fatal Error:</b>

        Gibbering goon. Please check into padded cell");

}else{

  while ($amused_value >= 1){

    laff();

    //roll(); <-DO NOT run this fuction, for sake of JLNobody's nausea

    $amused_value = ($how_easily_amused - $attention_span_loss++);

  }

}



echo "Please sacrifice <b>"

     . CountCodeFcukups($HTTP_GET_VARS['username'])

     . "</b> virgin(s) to continue...";

?>

edited to make more sense, fix some typos, add edit notice & type "*%#6$fy8@^"[/i]

0 Replies

fuction?

0 Replies

Freudian code slip?

0 Replies

Code:

<?php



function ReenterDebate($topic){

   unlink($root_path . "yackety-yak.php");



   if isset($topic){ 

      if ($topic = "RANDOM_TOPIC"){

         srand(phase_of_moon(getdate()));

         $rnd = (rand()%pow(10, 100));

         $topic_possibilities = explode($idea_div, $universe); 

         $topic = $topic_array[$rnd];

      }

      start(php_debate, $topic);

   }else{ 

      echo "Select topic to continue...";

   }

}



ReenterDebate();



/* I think this post is the coding equivalent of rambling. */

?>

0 Replies

Just read over this again, a year after the fact. ...'twas fun making up shite I didn't know how to do. Smile

0 Replies

I've recently read it as well, and had fun looking back at "greener" code invention.

Incidentally, now that I know you are awake I'm gonna drop you a line.

0 Replies

Got voicemail. Gimme a call sometime.

0 Replies

OK. Writing a ROTFLMAO routine is funny.

Debugging your ROTFLMAO routine is just nerdy.

0 Replies

PHP Debate

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