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Tue 10 Dec, 2002 09:04 pm
Since hubby and I are hoping to retire to PA next year, I've been reading the online versions of two newspapers from the area we hope to settle in. We figured we'd get a little insight into the people and happenings and maybe get a real feel for what we're headed into.
Well, there's not a whole lot of news in these newspapers -- a bit about local meetings and church bazaars and maybe an occasional arrest -- so I also have been reading the obituaries. After reading the latest one, I'm thinking I may be able to get myself a job writing obituaries once we move there. Here are some excerpts:
'Louis W. Paynter, 67, Honesdale, died Friday, November 29, 2002 at the JFK Medical Center, Atlantis, FL, following an illness. He is survived by his wife of 61 years, the former Kathleen "Kay" Frances O'Neill.'
(First case of a 'child husband' I've ever heard of)
It goes on:
'On October 1, 1936, he began a 44-year career with the F.W. Woolworth Company working as a stock-boy for the Honesdale store.'
(My guess he wound up as the oldest stock boy there)
And then:
'Due to his background in assigning personnel, he graduated from the Army's Culinary School in Fort Riley, KS.'
(Funny, I'd never thought of personnel assignment as a prerequisite for cooking -- silly me)
Sometimes even obituaries can give be amusing.
My best and dearest friend - if she does
not get to see the obits in the weekly
local rag - it drives her crazy! These
southern people all know each other, &
who is related to whom.... so strange.
I have never read an obituary in my
life. I DO realize that there may come
a day, when I either croak - or begin
to start reading about everyone I know
kicking the bucket, giving up the ghost,
jump out of the old fishtank, retiring from
their last round, etc etc etc
But, Good God -I would sure hate to think
that an obituary could come out so crazy as
the one you mention. Perhaps, I had best
write it myself in advance. There is no
point taking any chances....
bandlylu,
! You should submit that to the New Yorker "No comment" department, or whatever they call those little things with very small type that fill up the last bit of space under some articles.
near Edward Abbeys burial site in the Sonoran Desert is the insciption "no comment"
on a stone in the cemetery in Georgetown Colorado is the inscription "what are you looking at?"
One of my husband's favorite comments is "Did you check the obituaries today to make sure I'm not in them?" (I think it's actually someone else's joke but I have no idea whose.)
He also has expressed the desire to have the following on his tombstone:
"He was always early."
This is a very true statement (I just hope it's not true about his demise.)
In Boston we call them the Irish Comics. We all look forward to an Irish Wake, as long as it isn't our own. (Although I think I'd have fun anyway....)
Hey sugar, do you know the difference between an irish wedding and an irish wake?
Nevermind, I've got a guest in our restaurant that ALWAYS opens the obits first, just to " check who has cancelled his subscription to the morning paper"
There's one less drunken irishman on the wake...
pre-historic joke, I know, couldn't help myself...
Sugar, how did you sneak in without anyone noticing. A belated welcome.
Bandylu, someday, I simply must tell you what I ended up doing with all my sophisticated Army training. Is it sufficient to say the job had no slightest relationship to the training?
I read the obituaries for exactly this reason. To see what people come up with. And I certainly hope that mine will not like to many I am reading. Come to think of it - maybe I wouldn't want one at all.
I've heard that some people do write their own obits and put them in the safety deposit box along with other treasures.
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