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Guilt about watching porn a long time ago.

 
 
Reply Wed 11 Jul, 2012 04:51 pm
Hello,

this is an awkward question, but I'll ask anyway. I don't feel anything is wrong with watching porn or masturbation. I think most people do it, but don't talk about it. My issue is an intense guilt about one occassion that occurred more than a decade ago when I was 16, I was watching porn downloaded from a popular p2p site, I believe it was limewire and flipping through various videos and out of curiousity I downloaded underage material.. I think I downloaded it out of curiosity of what I would happen if I did. I did watch it, but then afterwards deleted it, and felt an intense guilt. From time to time still feel guilty. I was more curious than anything, I didnt ever view anything like that again after, It bothers me that I still watched it, I was watching normal porn and then watched that one and then flipped it off. I realize it's healthy guilt and under the circumstances I did it out of curiousity and was only a kid at the time, but I still read things in the paper about people being arrested for watching that stuff and it bothers me that i've seen it before. mind you in my case I didn't collect or anything and it only happened that one day, but that's still enough to bother me a lot. What should I do, should I just admit to my self it was a mistake and move on, or should I go to the local police station and tell them what I did. I've done very few wrong things in my life, and this is in my mind the most wrong. I wish I could free my self of the guilt.
 
Rockhead
 
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Reply Wed 11 Jul, 2012 04:53 pm
@dopperdopper,
you want to put yourself in jail for it?

I think some sort of counseling might be in order...

good luck.
ossobuco
 
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Reply Wed 11 Jul, 2012 04:59 pm
@dopperdopper,
You remind me of me, as I was as scrupulous catholic teen warding off impure thoughts (now multi decades ago, but I remember it well).

Please relax, you are normal.

Go to the local police? Are you kidding? Please do not.
I suppose you live in a state that would care about that - mostly even the most repressive states keep that information only as a stick.

0 Replies
 
dopperdopper
 
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Reply Wed 11 Jul, 2012 05:02 pm
@Rockhead,
No I don't want to go to jail lol, nor do I think I deserve to because I was just curious about all the different types of porns, and found a type that I couldn't bring my self to watch ever again. Given the sitaution and after all this time, is my continued guilt still justified? or am I blowing it out of porportion? I did see a conseller about it a few years ago and told her blunty what I did and she just walked out of the room. Which just made me feel worse.
Rockhead
 
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Reply Wed 11 Jul, 2012 05:04 pm
@dopperdopper,
talking to the police about it makes jail a possibility.

I'd suggest a male counselor.

and yes, I think you are making too big a deal of it.

learn your lesson, and move forward.

backward looking guilt is never healthy...
ossobuco
 
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Reply Wed 11 Jul, 2012 05:09 pm
@Rockhead,
A male counselor could be a briber (thinking the worst or maybe the usual).

But I'll be glad to say the poster should not be working up guilt.
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
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Reply Wed 11 Jul, 2012 05:11 pm
@dopperdopper,
You've served your sentence. You may now let yourself out of your personal jail.
dopperdopper
 
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Reply Wed 11 Jul, 2012 05:46 pm
@JPB,
I think that's what I needed to hear.

Thank you.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
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Reply Thu 12 Jul, 2012 09:30 am
@dopperdopper,
The society as in the US society is insane over the issue like no other nation in the world.

Ten years ago is a long time and you likely had junked the computer long ago but if you had it laying around take out it hard drive and drill holes in it and then throw it away.

Deleting files does not mean that they are gone for sure as the delete function only free up the area on the hard drive the files had existed on to be able to be used again, it does not wipe it.

Only when and if that area is used once more by the OS are the files wiped.

Sadly there been cases where for one reason or another someone had found such long ago deleted files and it had cause problems for their former owners.

The odds are great that those files are now gone forever but it is not zero so if that computer is still in your hands it is worthwhile to reduce the risk to zero at the cost of a very old hard drive at least in my opinion.

As far as feeling guilt for looking at such materials out to curiosity so long ago it seems an over reaction to the fact that human curiosity sometime lead us all to do questionable things in our lives.

As far as going to the police and risk ruining your future for zero gains to anyone that is being beyond stupid.

If you feel the need to talk about it I would suggest a license mental health counselor who can help you with your feelings of guilt and who by law must keep the informations you share private in most cases.

The police are not set up to be mental health counselors to say the least.
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HesDeltanCaptain
 
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Reply Thu 13 Aug, 2015 05:23 am
@dopperdopper,
Ever internet crimes police officer, prosecutor, and judge has had to review evidence seized as with child pornography. If you've never seen it you wont understand why it's so heinous. If you wanna assuage your guilt, help us eradicate it, catch bad guys, and protect children. Take what you know, and how you feel, and turn it to something positive.
0 Replies
 
 

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