How to deal?

Sorry Dag - I'm 3,000 miles west of you

Oh wow. Do you have some local friends you can talk with Dag?

Just being able to chat and get things out of your system may help a lot.

((hugs))

Call the other two friends of yours and Palko. The ones he went to dinner with just before he died. Talk to them. Talk to them some more. Keep talking. Damn the phone bill...talk.

fishin's right.

you have my sympathies dag - terrible thing to have to face alone.

thanks guys, i think i am dealing well, given the circumstances. i left the house right away and met with a good friend who took me for a walk and a drink and a coffee. My man will be home from work shortly to be with me, they are all sweethearts. but i still can't otherwise but wish i had the money to jump on the first plane and be home, with my group of friends that he was a part of. being so far away is so heart-breaking. i also wish i could have helped in some way. i spent the last New Year's Eve with him and his fiancee, and he seemed like a happy man, all of his future lined up ahead of him. I just feel so powerless. Thanks for your thoughts and sympathies though.

Hugs.

I can see how it would add to the considerable difficulty to feel so removed... hope you can communicate with people back home easily and frequently.

awe Dag!
thats simply terrible news and being so far away all I can say is thankfully you have some great support here, hopefully there is enough back home for those who need it as well and hugs all around for everyone!!!

Well, I feel terrible for him and terrible for you, and horrendous for his fiancee and the people he was out with just before.

My heart goes out to you Dag. A friend's death is always so hard.

Bummer, Dag. Sorry to hear that. Its tough when a freind or loved one dies, whatever the reason, and you can't be there. Been there, done that more often than I care to think about. On the other hand, it isn't much better if you are there. Been there, done that too. The deaths of those close to us are never easy to deal with. All you can do is celebrate the good things you had a chance to share, and not let silly, unfounded feelings of guilt and personal inadequacy outweigh all the reasons you loved that person in the first place. Life is good for those who live it in loving memory of their departed compatriots.

Gosh dagmaraka, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend! I have not gone through anything similar myself, so I'm sorry I don't have any words of wisdom to pass on. I'm certain your other friends know that you would like to be with them at this time. I'm certain they understand.
I wish I could say more....

You have my deepest sympathies Dag.

Thank you all. I think I feel a bit better today, less dazed, though more sad. It finally sank in, yesterday I could not even begin to imagine what happened. Now I keep thinking about those who are still there and how they feel. Elishka, his fiancee is not coping well. Her sister commited a suicide not more than a year ago. Now she saw her fiancee jump out of the balcony and take his last breath,literally in her arms, after she ran down the stairs. It must be a maddening pain. I know, Timber, it would not be any easier if I were there, but at least I would be able to do something, be near her and near the other two friends that were closest with him, I could just, I don't know, cook and clean and take care of things, just do something. Anyhow, thank you everybody for kind words, I very much appreciate that.

Dagmarka--

You can't understand the inexplicable--you can only resolve to accept the illogicality.

Any untimely death is hard to fathom and voluntary death for a young man who had much to live for is completely bewildering.

How could his fiancee be coping well? Your friend made a very final public statement: "Better death than life with you."

Reach out to her and to all the others who have been bereaved. Telephone. E-mail. Traditional sympathy letters.

Solitary mourning is very difficult. My heart goes out to you.

Hold your dominion.

Hugs from here. And you know, we're not that far away.

Thanks guys. A lot. Yeah, I thought I was doing better, but it's 2pm and I am exhausted to the extent not known to me before. I am trying to get in touch with all the friends, but it's tough from thousands of miles away. I wish I could hug them all. Oh well.

... and here was I - thinking I had problems! Something like this puts it into perspective. The one thing about suicide is that it leaves more pain behind than the person realizes. I am sure the last thing on Palko's mind was how everyone would feel days, weeks, months, or even years later about the unanswered questions as to why he did what he did. They will never be answered. I feel so sorry for someone who has had enough that death feels like the best thing or even the only thing to do. His fiance will never understand, you will never understand, no-one will. But know that he loved each of you in a different context to the apparent pain he must have felt before committing suicide. It hurts to lose him. It hurts to feel that if only you could have done something. All the what-ifs will not help and although it is healthy to talk and reminisce (sp?) it is not healthy to dwell on his reasonings or the why of his death. I'll let you in on a little secret, I considered suicide once - a looong time ago. I was very young, very screwed up and very unstable emotionally. After much thought and wracking my brain, I did realize how much I would hurt my family and the damage I would leave behind. I got past the issue that almost drove me to it and I look back and wonder what the heck I was so screwed up about, but back then it was bigger than I was and I couldn't think straight.

I wish you and all who knew him well since it will take a lot of time and talking and bonding together to get through the worst of the pain. Remember there is no fault with others over what has happened - it is a dreadful thing to happen because had he been capable of knowing these things were something he could get past this never would have happened.

Oh Dagmar!!!!!!! And the poor fiancee - sigh.

So difficult to deal with suicide...

Have you managed to be in touch with everyone yet?

Thinking of you.

thanks, heeven, thanks deb,
no, i cannot get in touch with them all - i wrote emails to all, but don't have phone #s with me, so i can only wait for replies. i don't have a striking desire to call either, i tend to cope on my own, though i know it is supposedly much better to talk and open up. it aint't me though. i do have people around and am in the waiting mode - for things to start feeling normal a bit.
heeven, glad you made it ok. i imagine it must be terrible to consider such a thing ever, it must feel incredibly lonely and desperate, no matter how trivial the problem may seem to others.