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Thu 29 Jan, 2004 01:01 am
I just got home and quickly poured a large glass of scotch, gulping it down in one swallow, some of the scotch splashing on me because of my trembling hands. Let me explain what happened.
Earlier in the day I had busted a chain on my manure spreader. There's a new shop in town, Leo's Pretzels and Manure Spreader Repair, and they had a coupon in last Sunday's paper for a free manure spreader chain with the purchase of a large bag of pretzels.
So, after I was done working for the day, I headed to Leo's. Nice place. I got the chain and my pretzels, talked to Leo for a little bit about possibly acquiring a franchise, and then headed home.
The route home takes me right by Bi-Polar Bear's house. I sometimes see the Bear out in the yard and wave, but generally I don't stop because he's always got the music on so damn loud you can't carry on a conversation anyway.
As I drove by the house a movement in the window caught my eye. I generally don't look in windows but something didn't seem right. I heard a scream. And then I saw squinney (bear's wife) with a rolling pin in her hand and she was beating the hell out of the Bear. He held his hands feebly held in front of him, but that ridiculous gesture accomplished nothing for that poor bastard.
Again and again the rolling pin came crashing down. Bear was getting the crap kicked out of him as I watched, helpless.
Suddenly Squinney looked up and saw me. "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, RATZENHOFER! THIS IS NONE OF YOUR FRIGGIN' BUSINESS YOU OLD COOT!, she screamed.
Right before she snapped the blinds shut I could see the battered face of the Bear. Our eyes met and he mouthed the words, "Help me, Gus, help me."
That was the last thing I saw. I could still hear the Bear's screams as I drove away.
Now I'm sitting here drinking scotch, trying to erase the image of the battered Bear.
Should we help? Should the members of A2K go to Bear's rescue? Or is he getting what he deserves?
Mmmmm....pretzels! Were they the soft kind? Those big huge ones that are soft and a bit chewy? Oh my. I haven't had one of those in over a year. *drool*
Our new dog is named "Leo". I'm beginning to sense some connection here.
It was an opium dream, Gus, you debauched bastard, you....a few fewer capybaras oughta fix you right up.....
Or maybe bear has decided to try some S&M
This is a very strange thread.
Am I to understand there are machines that are made just for the singular purpose of spreading manure?
yes - we call them "animals".
I was thinking more along the lines of bagels and chain saws, but could you forward me that pretzel/spreader franchise info? Thanks!
I didn't know squinney knew how to bake... Does she make a good pie?
Smiley wrote:This is a very strange thread.
Am I to understand there are machines that are made just for the singular purpose of spreading manure?
Absolutely. A few towns over from me they built a new pig farm with 10, 000 pigs and they have a speader that spreads the pig poop on the land of anyone that wants it. The people who live in that town are very upset about this spreading, but I don't think the smell is that bad except on those real hot days
On those days when the wind is blowing this way, I can smell it a little bit at my house 8 miles away
I'd rather see someone hitch up the manure spreader than think of them treating our environment to "better living through chemistry."
How about sushi and sewer augers?
You got any more of that scotch, Gus?
I too am quite disturbed. Why would she call you an old coot? youre in the prime of your life. perhaps if you did a little something with your hair. Id suggest a bit of a tint and blowing it out so it gets some fullness. Also maybe if you had some botox treatmenst and did a little moisturizing, you wouldnt be insulted that way. you could go for that butch country look, with some flannel and a turtle neck. Its your look that maybe is getting you this response from your neighbors. maybe if youd keep just one button of your overalls buttoned, that can be very big
We had a "Joints & Juggernauts" round here (hey - its Holland) - but they had it closed down cause the traffic accidents got out of hand.
hiya nimh. Were gonna come over to Holland this summer on a self directed art tour, Ive never been to the Reijksmuseum or to delft. Do you know where is the largest group of vermeerpaintings that one can see over there? Is there a museum devoted to the work of han van Meegeren?
I know a guy up near North Machias Me . Hes on rt 1A and he has this huge sign out front that sez
'FRANKS CHAINSAWS AND FUDGE"
i think its wonderful the way entrepreneurs can link their services and, by doing so, be a force in the market.
Like the Finest Kind Pediatric Hospital and Whorehouse, huh?
That's more akin to "Joe's Chainsaws and Surgical Limb Reattachment," I think...
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