The Holiday "Blues"/ Let's Help Each Other Thru Them

This is a great idea, Phoenix, and I'll probably wander back here but not until after Christmas. That's when the big let down sets in and I get feeling down.

Phoenix: Are you feeling blue?

I suddenly discovered I was--I tend to not admit it to myself when I am not dealing well with things--does not fit my big, strong, I-can-take-it image of myself!

Estrella- No, but I know of a number of people who are. You can see it in their faces, the way that they stand with the fixed, unnatural smile, and the sunken in body language.

hmmmmm

Estrella- I remember once when I was dealing with a life threatening illness, that I felt exactly the way that you did. Instead of accepting my feelings, I chastised myself for not being the superwoman that I made myself out to be.

It took me a long time afterwards to come to grips that I had not failed myself, but just reacted (in a very normal manner, considering the circumstances) to a very serious situation.

I think aloneness during the holidays is one of the big factors for depression. I know that the stresses I am working through now are heightened because of this factor.

I wasn't even conscious of being depressed, just wondered why I was sitting around with work piled on all surfaces and not doing anything about it. Then I worked on a psychiatric report for an inpatient ward, where we discussed a teenage patient who couldn't get his homework done, was listless, didn't do much but sit in his room.

Said to myself--"hmmmmm, that sounds familiar." I've been dealing with a lot of emotional things lately, including that I have just learned that I am developing DJD in all my joints, so I can relate somewhat to your having to work out how to deal with illness.

Today I left everything undone and went out and spent an afternoon with a friend. We didn't do anything but run around a new mall looking for Xmas gifts and have lunch out at Chili's (which makes a great broccoli and cheese soup), but I felt much better for the companionship and the conversation when I came back. Still not getting anything done, but I felt better.

Do you suppose that there comes a point in your blues when you just have to pull up on your bootstraps and tell yourself to "get over it"? Is it a matter of self discipline? I suppose that depends on the person and how chronic and deep-seated their depression is. ...

estrella- Each individual knows him/herself best. If the depression is because of life circumstances, sometimes a good pep talk to oneself is all a person needs. If though, the depression has no obvious outside causalities, a person needs to consider that it might be an endogenous depression, that would benefit from medication.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not a big believer in people taking mood elevators just to deal with difficult life situations. Pain is present in the body for a reason. It tells you that something is amiss, which can impel you to take steps to correct the situation.

But, if a person stays depressed during a stable, unstressful time in his life, I think that it is important that he check it out with a professional.

As far as the reactions that you are having, I think that you need to be honest with yourself. I think that sometimes people fall into a state of letting things slip in their life. Then the chores build up. Feeling blue, the person has difficulty with dealing with what is needed to be done, and the work piles up even more.

After awhile, if the cycle isn't broken, the person will become more depressed over simply the daunting amount of work lying ahead.

Thanks to my lovely mother and wonderful grandparents I am not afflicted with holiday blues. At least I attribute my lack of the blues this time of year to them. But my heart goes out to those who do get blue and recommend buying yourself a great Christmas present. I do it every year and have for many years it used to tickle my daughter so much. I buy myself a birthday present, and a mother's day present too. I make them special things I would not ordinarly buy for myself. I always love them.

For example on my 40th birthday I gave my self cream for my coffee and have really enjoyed that one for years. One birthday, 1995 I think, I gave myself the present of determination to get rid of, donate, throw away, or sell anything I had not used - touched - or looked at for three years or more. Without all that clutter I was able to get somewhat organized. Mother's Day 2000 I gave myself a gold necklace I had been wanting for some time. This year for Christmas I am buying myself a lovely garnet/gold/platinum ring.

Good things about giving your self presents is that you always love them and cherish them, do not have to return them, and never have to pretend you do not like the gift.

Good thing I have a couple of good friends! They are such blessings! But I and others like me are still alone. Not getting the work done does make a cycle, for sure, Phoenix, but the reason I am not getting the work done goes deeper than simple procrastination.

I find our psyches fascinating. We create images of ourselves that we often can't or won't live up to, images that we project as well to other people. Above all, we feel we must not delve into the often chaotic and disturbing inner and "lower" realms of our consciousness where all these emotions lie--too frightening to see our confusions and our weaknesses, and above all too ego and image destroying to admit that murky waters exist in great tides beneath our polish. The whole of our existence is based in finding security, both physically and emotionally, and often our emotional security is predicated upon not knowing ourselves.

As I deepen spiritually, my inner being becomes much more clear to me. My own tides run crashing to the surface in cycles that are not quite bipolar, as my sister's are, manic and depressive, but they echo hers in a more temperate way. I am not dissatisfied with this emotional side of myself, because it brings the positive of creativity--I just do not know how to manage the tides.

High tide is nice, though I tend to be overexpressive and overactive at those times, and only Italian mamma mias understand that expressiveness and intensity, I think, LOL! It is the low tide that I have not learned to handle--those long wanderings of the soul down self doubting and despairing paths where the sun only barely shines. And when these tides coincide with life stressors such as I experience now, or as we can often experience during the holidays when we are alone, the sun seems dark indeed. I am looking for a way to handle these ebbs that acknowledges them, does not bury them, and yet maintains enough momemtum to move ahead with what I need to do.

Just talking about it, I find, helps me to sort it out, and makes me feel better. As does treating myself, JoanneDorel, very true. I have never bought myself a birth stone, and I am combing the stores, window shopping for rubies (I am a Leo). I probably will not buy a ring soon, but I am looking at one or two very closely. They usually are set with diamonds, as well, and I am seeing some lovely channel-set ruby with diamond rings. I am also overeating lately, which is not the most positive way to handle things, but certainly does give me some satisfaction.

The long term solution is to learn how to surf those waves, working one's way through them, acknowledging that they are there, letting oneself grieve a bit if that it what is needed, but learning how to move forward.

I hope that what we talk about here will be of help to anyone who is experiencing similar lows. It certainly helps me to express them--just what do you charge, Phoenix and Joanne???

estrella- Don't charge anything. When I can talk with intelligent people, and discuss the challenges of our common humanity, I receive as much (or more) than I give.

Phoenix: Here is a nice University of Maryland site that talks about the symptoms and management of holiday blues, differentiates between the holiday blues and other disorders, etc. I thought it was very helpful. It seems that I have a combination of the blues, partly holiday and partly another more frequently repetitive cycle.

The Holiday Blues and How to Manage Them

Hi Estrella,

Welcome to A2K!

"Procrastinate today and keep up with yesterday"

Hello, Algis, LOL, I think I need to keep up with last week, actually, or the week before...

I have visited Toronto, and love Canada, but I have never been up to Montreal. My sister used to live in Seattle, very close to Vancouver. I hear that other than the winter, Canada is a pretty good place to be.

I have a tendency toward depression, but when the Christmas holiday season rolls around, it hits me the hardest. When I was a child, Christmastime was very traditional. The family did certain things together during the weeks that led up to the holiday. And even though we weren't well-off, our parents always made Christmas Day special to us. I don't have one negative memory of "Christmases past."

Then I grew up, got married and had two children. Unfortunately, the marriage lasted only 10 years. When we were divorce
d, the children were in grade school. It was hard on all of us, but I vowed to see that my children had as normal a life as possible.

Then Christmas showed up. My ex still lived in town and spent time with the children (which I was grateful for). But what does one do on Christmas Day? He decided he would have the children during the morning and I would have them later in the day when the whole family (my parents, sisters, their families) get together. That sounded reasonable, but not quite "normal". When he came to pick the children up on Christmas morning, I was left alone for the very first time ever on a Christmas Day. I immediately went into a huge depression, went back and crawled into bed, but managed to get up and get myself together before my children were delivered back to me for the remainder of the day.

Every Christmas while my children were growing up, it was like that. I always left something that needed doing while the children were gone so I could keep busy. But I always ended up in bed, crying, wishing for "normalcy". I keep putting that word in quotes. I guess it's because I'm not sure what normal is.

My children have grown up. My son lives here in town, my daughter about 100 miles away. My daughter doesn't always manage to get here for Christmas because there is a mountain pass between us which can be dangerous to nativage during the winter. She has a tendency toward depression also, so when we don't get together at Christmas, she calls and cries and I'm the strong one - until we hang up, then the tears come again.

When we are at the family gathering, I always feel like the different one. My sisters all have "normal" families. I feel like the black sheep, even though I've never been treated that way. I want to skip the whole thing, but I keep on keeping on, mostly for my children and my mother. (My father died 10 years ago).

I always have difficulty getting things done for Christmas. I've barely made a dent in the things I need to do this year. That means at the last minute, I'll be rushing around, cursing myself for not planning better. Actually, I plan - I just don't follow through. I'll have moments of tears, moments when I wonder why I don't just get over it and realize I'm blessed in so many ways. I shouldn't have these feelings, but they go on and on.

estrella, thank you for the link. It's a good one. I read the Christmas Do's list and it all makes sense. But when I'm already depressed, it's so hard to make myself do those things. It's a little late for this year, but I'm going to print it out and work very hard at it next year. Of course, working hard at something doesn't necessarily mean it will happen.

I got up intending to go to a Christmas bizarre that's being held today. And here I sit going on and on. I hope this hasn't been boring. I do think it helps to let my feelings out. I've never told my mother, siblings or my children how I feel because I don't want to put a damper on their Christmas spirit. I've faked it pretty well through the years. To everyone but myself, that is.

I'm off to the Christmas bizarre. I'm hoping I can get a big part of my shopping done. That would be a big relief.

If you read all this, bless you! If not, I can see why

chatoyant:

I SO relate to your glumness and tears and static-getting-not-a-darn-thing-done. I work out of my home, so am not forced to work, and for the past several weeks I haven't even made the minimum on the hours I should put in--my paycheck is going to be ravaged this next pay date!

I think it helps to know that others go through these kinds of things, that you are not alone, and that you are not totally and hopelessly abnormal. The more we discuss these things (thank you so much, Phoenix, for this thread) the more we can realize that depression and the blues are very often a part of human life, and the more we can find ways of coping.

So have fun at the bazaar. I hope you find some cute things you like and treat yourself, as Joanne suggested.

I was feeling blue this morning again, and went and knocked on my neighbor's door and chatted with her for awhile. We have developed a nice friendship in its early stages, and it always relaxes me and helps me get out of my down-to-the-nubbins-wurra-wurra-what-am-I-going-to-do cycle to talk with her about her plans, hopes, dreams, work, etc.

:wink:

Thanks estrella. What you said in your post hit home with me too. Sometimes I forget to remember that I'm not all alone out there.

The bazaar was good! I only have two presents left to buy. I did see something I wanted for myself, but didn't feel like I should spend the money. But I will buy myself a little something just for me! I hope you do that too!

Chatoyant:

I've been stuffing everything in sight into my mouth! I'm going to have to go on a serious diet before I expand blimpward! Started eating carrot sticks this afternoon instead of chocolates--still eating my way out of the blues, but at least carrots are better for me!

Take care of yourself, kiddo! Keep on talking to us--

Holidays tend to get to me, mostly because I'm a loner... and since I got married, there are just so many plans, places, people... The whole scene just makes me, well... nervous! Sure, I love everyone, but I am programmed for "quiet time." If I don't get any, I feel terrible. Then I want to cancel everything and just stay home, but I know I don't want to let anyone down, so I go through with all the plans while screaming on the inside for a "day off."

See how different we all are? Some are lonely, some long for solitude.

But, whatever the case, "we sho got da blues!"

maximom, that must be a big adjustment for you! Now that I've lived alone for a few years, I feel like I have to have solitude regularly also. That's one reason I'd rather just skip Christmas and all that goes with it, but I know it means a lot to my family if I participate, and I'm sure it's the same with yours. I've lived through a lot of these and I'm still hanging in there. Just remember, Christmas only comes once a year, and it will be over with soon!

estrella, carrots ... that's what I need!