Mon 14 Nov, 2011 03:20 pm
Me and my husband has been married for 4 years, we dated 2 years and then I found that I had our first kid so we decided to get marry. He is known as a family guy and does show a lot of care to the family. He text me a lot before or after marriage, we are in touch most of the time and I can never imagine he will do something behind me and his daughter.
I'm now pregnant with our second child, and is due in a month. Just few nights ago, I accidentally find out a weird email sent to his email, I have all of his password and he has all mine too, I would said he is the person I trust the most in the world before i found out that weird email few nights ago. The email asked my husband not to text her anymore because she is going to sleep and the phone will be charged next to her husband. Then i found it very weird and i tried to look at some chat history but there's nothing i can found, fortunately, i was able to find another email in the trash folder, saying that she is missing him every min and every sec and asked if he does the same too or only think about that things, now my guts told me there's something going on between this woman and him. He was drunk and already sleep when i did all these research, just while I was checking the trash folder, she IM him, then I pretended i was my husband and chat with her, I told her I was drunk and she said don't tell me that, hate it, there's some heat coming from her stomach. I found it very weird but i wasn't able to chat with her anymore because she said her husband was coming out from the shower.
Then I looked at my husband's phone and try to see if I can find any message but he deleted all the chat history with her BUT I was able to find some images that she sent to him under some hidden folder. And Gosh! Those are images that she was wearing her lingerie wear or wearing nothing. There's even picture that is only her private place. I feel so upset and disappointed and betrayed and I woke him up and asked him what's going on. And he DENIED everything. He said they were just chatting and they were friends, she has problem going on with her marriage and he was just trying to help her out. I asked why does she has to send him those picture and he said he doesn't know, he said she is a little bit crazy. I was very upset and I cried and cried, I feel betrayed and I know my husband's sex drives is very strong, but since I'm pregnant, I cannot satisfied his needed as before, he used to ask me to use other method to help him, but lately, he didn't ask me to do so.
No matter I show him all the evidence I had found, he denied everything. Then then next day, I told him I cannot stand this anymore, he's hurting not only me but our kid and the baby. I want to separate but I really couldn't imagine my daughter grow up in the broken family. Then the woman emailed me and said that she still had a little bit feeling on my husband but they were just chatting and there's nothing between them even there's seem to be something. And she said those pictures were sent to my husband by mistakes, she wanted to send to her husband originally. of course from the bottom of my heart, i know that is not truth, how can she kept on sending those private picture to a wrong person for a few months? On the next morning, my husband still denied everything and asked if I can forget about her and start over again. i asked him why he would requested those picture and he said it's because the sex life of her and her husband is very bad and she bought new lingerie and wanted to see if it was her problem or her husband's problem, that's why she sent those picture to her.
My heart is broken, I'm not sure why they have to deny everything, but my guts told me there's really not only just friends or just friends but had sex before when they were dating back in college. I personally trust my husband a lot before I found out this incident. He never come home late, he text me all the time during day or afternoon. how would it be possible that he can have an affair?
Then I look into telephone bill history, i found that they talked to each other a lot in June and July, then they talked less since August. But he has two phones, i can only checked with one phone. The other phone he use it for texting most of the time. He told me that they found each other on FB like 8 months ago. He deleted her from FB, email and his two phones right after I found this out. But the next day, I asked him to text her in front of me and he does and the woman asked him to give her a password so she can make sure that is him, not me. If they have decide not to chat anymore, why do they need to set up a password? I asked my husband what the password is and he said he doesn't know because he will not chat with her anymore.
I feel very upset and cried and cried. I still don't know what to do. do i have to hire a spy or something until I found they really have something? or should i really trust them? If I'm not having two kids, I think i can be stronger, but I'm a very traditional woman, I always want to give the best to the kids and don't want them to grow up in a broken family
Please help
My heart goes out to you. You are pregnant and have another child and then you find out this.
He has been caught. He is a cheater.
He has a big job to do and that is to STOP this behavior and work at being a good husband. Can he do that?
You need to find help for yourself so you will be be strong for your children. Do you have parents or brother or sister to help you?
He is the one who has the work to do.
@PUNKEY,
Thanks for the reply Punkey.
I'm not sure if he can do that, but I lost the trust on him, because he used to be the person i trust the most in the world.
I'm talking to my close friend about this, I haven't tell my parents because he never admit anything.
Don't pay attention to what he SAYS, watch what he DOES.
@PUNKEY,
I don't know how to watch a person anymore, he seems to be so normal when he has this hidden communication with that woman in the pass 8 months, I'm still trying to find a solution for myself
@sorbb,
I am sorry that this is happening to you while your pregnant and very emotional to begin with. Yes, I think you need to figure out what to do for yourself. If you have lost all trust in your spouse then what is the point of
continuing? You always will ask yourself if he's doing it again, and to live
with such doubt and distrust is very difficult on yourself and your family.
Consult an attorney and explore your options. Good luck to you!
@CalamityJane,
Thanks for the reply Calamity.
The only thing that is holding me up is my two kids, in the first night when i found out, i plan to move out right away, but when my older kids questioned me everything and looked so innocent, I really don;'t know how to tell her about my move, so I didn't move.
How about, "We are moving to another place because daddy is not treating me respectfully, like a husband should. And I am angry and hurt and need some time away from him to think about this. It is nothing you did. This is between him and me."
BTW - HE should be the one who moves out for a while. You and the child need to stay still. Tell him to move out while you think about your relationship for a while, since he has violated your trust.
Quote:PRAY FOR IT.
God will help you.
That's what you believe for yourself, but please don't tell others to do so.
Not everyone believes in God.
You didn't offend me, but whatever you believe in is your private matter.
I really see no logical reason to advice someone to trust or seek help in someone who is not a factual figure.
@sorbb,
your gut in this type of matter is 100 percent correct> its the other side of you that doesnt want it to be true that will keep you from going with you initial feeling
You're quite right, what's CJ got to complain about when you're just trying to give good advice. In that spirit you should approve of this, the woman down the road swears by it.
She suggests casting a circle, and making the appropriate offerings either to Gaia or Aphrodite. Then the two of them could make love at the altar, or if she's on her own she could just masturbate, and make a suitable love philtre.
If CJ's offended by that what the heck, at least I know you won't be.
@sorbb,
I'm going through the same thing, I've been married for 25 years this past July, I became suspicious of my husband back around 08 and started investing..when you love your husband and he won't open up I guess that what we resort to..anyway I have him voice recorded in flirty conversations with 3 different women, one of which got pretty close to sexual. He DENIES it all! Calls ME crazy, says I NEED MEDS. he says i don't have what I think I have and I've taken it all out of context. I'll ask him about something he'll give me an answer and then a few days or weeks later I'll ask again and his story will change. He constantly threatens to divorce me, I can't even explain to anyone what this has done to me, hes taken my pride my ambition hes taken everything from me. I DID work in the film industry and to be honest the main reason I quit is because this had been going on and I knew it and I just couldn't work those hours anymore I knew I needed to get home and as stupid as it sounds I just wanted to stop it, I thought I could stop him from behaving like this. My heart goes out to you...if I can give you any advise it would be don't expect him to ever fully own up to any of it...there are FEW real men out there...I don't think either of us ended up with one.
Sleepless IN West GA
@sleeplessinwestGA,
It amazes me what people do to each other in the name of "love" and it amazes me what a person puts themselves through in the name of "love."
Any healthy person would have walked away from this situation. Yet you stay and try to stop or change it. Hasn't worked, has it?
Must hurt so good.
@PUNKEY,
well, this thread started 2years ago... sorbb hasn't given any feedback since Nov 15th, 2011... Probably they sorted it all out..
@sorbb,
If he denies any of this, he should not have a problem showing you his other phone.... and why in the world does he have two phones? He is cheating. Don't allow him to make you believe he isn't. My husband did, and after a great deal of counseling, he said he would never do it again. After 7 years of finding he was still doing it ... and of course, tell me he would never do it again, I talked to him in a very calm manner. He had to understand that "something is better than nothing" ... and I am now living 2000 miles away. I'm not saying this is the best solution, but we are able to see each other every morning/night on facetime. We fly out and see each other when we can. We are still married, still enjoy each other's company (most of the time), and I don't have to worry about getting divorced. Good luck, and follow your instincts. God is 'trying to make things clear' for you to see what is going on and give you a chance to make him hold up to being a MAN!
@ConnieFay,
... and to clarify, he doesn't have to be physical with her to cheat. Meeting her, having intimate conversation, and wishing to be physical is cheating!! His wedding vow was to honor you. Definitely not an act of honor to you. Make him own up to his mistakes. Do not allow him to make it out to be your fault!! (some guys try to make it appear to be the wife's fault ... it was his action ... it was his choice). Good luck and I hope, especially for your children's sake, that you can repair the damage. God has forgiven me for many, many things over the years ... who am I to not forgive my husband ... even if it is many times? God be with you!
@sorbb,
When I had my affairs, committing my peccadilloes, or was simply flirting, I would always deny that I was doing it. I would even deny acts I had done (e.g., lifting my spoonful of blueberries to a man's mouth) that my husband had personally witnessed. I would say, "No, I didn't do that." Or, that's not flirting, that's normal behavior." I would accuse him jealousy, possessiveness, insanity. I would never admit any fact or any truth, but I would always counter with something, anything, to the effect, "You're not a good husband. You're a failure in bed. You're boring. You don't make enough money. You're overweight." I would answer him like that--ignoring what he'd said I'd done. "Always go on the attack," was my principle for victory, and I never lost an argument with him. After a long while, he just shut up and took it, accepted my dominance over him and that I could do anything I wanted. In fact, one birthday of mine I did say to him in front of others, "It's my birthday and I can do anything I want." I think you ought to think about this principle and how you can put it to good use yourself. Go on the attack.
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