baffler 136

From Monty Python's "Live at the Hollywood Bowl"

Immanuel Kant was a
real pissant who was very rarely stable,
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could
think you under the table, David Hume could
out-consume Schopenhauer and Hegel, And
Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as
schloshed as Schlegel. There's nothing Nietzsche
couldn't teach ya 'bout the raising of the wrist,
Socrates himself was permanently pissed... John
Stuart Mill, of his own free will, with half a
pint of shandy was particularly ill, Plato, they
say, could stick it away, half a crate of whiskey
every day, Aristotle, Aristotle was a beggar for
the bottle, Hobbes was fond of his dram, And Rene
Descartes was a drunken fart, "I drink therefore I
am." Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's
pissed.