I think we've been lied to: Goldilocks Conspiracy against the Innocent Bear Family

the answer to this question is quite simple, really.

the bears being rather affluent bruins, had their porridge sitting and waiting for their return.

in crock pots...

and the little one was set "just right".

that bed doesn't look like it wants to support you...

Rock(yes I said crock)head

The porridge was warmed up. Each bowl spent a different amount of time in the microwave oven.

Well, of course the largest bowl stayed the hottest. More mass to surface area.

that can't be right Roger. The largest bowl would lose the most heat fastest because it has the largest surface area exposed to the air.

Joe(microwaves......ppphhhhffftt)Nation

Trespassing my ass. The bitch was breaking and entering. Those little blonde cutie types think they can get away with anything. She lied about everything. And who comes out the heavy in the story? The innocent bears. They could have slaughtered her easily, but they didn't.

Animals. Innocent victims again.

Little blonde cutie type: Oh, poor me. I'm lost, I'm hungry, I'm tired. Steaming pile of BS.

Hey, Joe. Been missing you around these parts.

Ro (good to see you)berta

PS: Oh, was I supposed to comment on the temperature of the porridge? Doesn't matter. She lied about the whole damned thing.

Oh, so now we're gonna mollycoddle bears, huh? Oooo . . . i got a thorn in my paw, call the ambulance and rush me to the emergency room. Medical card ? ! ? ! ? No i ain't got no medical card, you evil conservative.

I don't see why my cubs should have to learn English--we were here long before the white man, and we we're speaking Bear when you clowns were still runnin' around with your asses hangin' out of your shirtails, babblin' about King Arthur and croakin' from the plague!

I'm sick and tired of special pleading for the Welfare Bears and all the other woodland cheaters.

I am thinking that the heat factor had naught to do with temperature and, instead, referred to spice. Papa Bear clearly loved his Habanero Porridge. Mama Bear enjoyed hers on ice, of course, with a shot of barely thawed vodka on the side. As for Baby Bear, well, there's no accounting for taste. Normal room-temperature porridge! So hoi polloi!

As for the chairs, it seems that only Papa Bear's had any really good back support. Undoubtedly, as a member of the proletariat, he needed support as he has recently been diagnosed with a herniated disc (do bears have discs?). Mama Bear, representing the bourgeoisie, was cradled in creature comforts, hence the softness. Baby Bear's chair was, of course, produced in a Third World Country, and could not sustain Goldilocks's weight.

And don't get me started on childhood obesity.

The bed situation, naturally, points up major problems in the Bears' marriage, as they were sleeping in separate beds. I have seen photographs of Papa Bear, and I suspect he is suffering from sleep apnea. An ursine CPAP machine could help to restore marital harmony. Goldilocks did not wish to defile the separate marital beds any longer than absolutely necessary, stripped to her skivvies and proceeded to repose in Baby Bear's bed. It seems likely that she was waiting for Baby Bear's return -- probably to make a man (er, a bear) outta Baby Bear, if yanno what I mean.

Quod Erat Demonstratum, although it beats the hell outta me what I just proved.

You just proved that this is another socialist scam of the communistic Hussein Obama regime. Good on ya!

Humans killed Bambi's mother, you steenkin' animal bigot. I'm very disappointed in you, set.

Mmmmmmmm . . . venison . . .

Hot? Cold?
Hard? Soft?
A tootsie caught in the wrong bed?

We know what this story is really about, now don't we?

Porridge? Yeah, right. I got your porridge right here.

We're dealing with talking bears living in a house. You expect logic?

I'm sure there's a perfectly viable reason for that.
...and I'm working on it.

Actually, I popped in here to say how lovely it is to see you, Joe.
Long absence & you have been missed.
So how are you?
How is life treating you?
Any new developments in your life?
People would like to know if you'd care to share.

So I'm thinking about the olden days in the Bronx--dinner with my parents. My mother made soup (no porridge). She filled her bowl first. It sat on the table while she got the rest. Next was mine. Last was my father's soup. He liked his steaming hot. The only way to be sure it was hot enough was to serve him last. So my mother's soup is sitting on the table cooling off. My soup is going from too hot to just right. And my father's soup is too hot for most other humans.

Just a theory. Whaddya think?

Roberta and Chicago Joe are the only two people on this thread making any sense.

(Although I did give Jespah a thumbs-up just for old times' sake.)

You gave me a pity thumb? I don't know how to react to that.

"Pity thumb" -- I love it!!!

Quite simply because this is a fairy tale. In fairy tales life is different - for example you usually don't have BEARS THAT LIVE IN HOUSES and eat porridge.

To me, I'd be more concerned about the reality of bears living in a house and cooking and having chairs and beds.

A thumb is a thumb.