How often do you let the opinion of others, real or perceive

Depends. I sometimes refrain from comment so as to avoid offense.

But not to avoid being judged, just to be an ass less often.

Greetings, Diane.
I think, if you dare to express your opinion or, even moreso, share personal experiences on a thread, especially one as heated as our promiscuity thread became, it stands to reason that you should be ready for possible criticism. If you're not prepared for that, you're too sensitive, feelings easily hurt, then it's wise to be careful about how much you say.
Don't put yourself out there unless you can take a hit.
I remind myself that I don't know anyone on A2K personally. That makes possible criticism less painful.

Nice question, Diane. I would never alter an opinion for the sake of someone's feelings, but there are often times I will pass over a discussion for the same reason. Kind of on the order of what Craven said (almost called him little k with the current avatar), as there are people I will go to great lengths to avoid offending.

I think I have the context of the question, and can only say that there are certain parts of myself that I consider private.

I decided not to post on a thread recently because I didn't want to be judged nor did I want to say something that might embarass anyone I know. What I had to say was not anybody else's business, but neither was I sure I wanted to "lay it all out" for anybody to see. I don't think there's anything right or wrong with choosing to divulge (or not) things about yourself. I feel that as long as I'm truthful, I'm being myself. To me, being truthful doesn't mean having to tell every single thing. My M.O. is to be really open about some things so that when I hold back, nobody knows.

Perhaps this is a character flaw. I admit that due to lazy habits I will apologize for my house being a mess sometimes. I'm not really sorry, but fussy people seem to think it is their due and as a good hostess I try to make everyone happy. (When my house is cleaned up, my friends always seem so surprised. Makes you wonder, don't y'know?)

Craven said, LOL, I think we all can identify with that statement.

Eoe, good point. In a perfect world, I think anyone should be able to say something about themselves or state an opinion without worrying about possible judgemental responses; but how many of us can honestly do that without hesitating, cringing at the very idea of being judged?

Roger, like you I will refrain from saying some things in order to spare someone else's feelings, and there are some things that are simply private, even in a forum where few of us know each other; but do you ever refrain because you don't want to be judged?

Piffka, I have stopped apologizing for my house because I always felt like an ass for doing so. My question though, is whether you would hold back to avoid being judged for what you revealed about yourself?

The fact that there always seems to be a certain amount of judgement, even when the original question didn't ask for an opinion of other's statements, usually makes me pause before saying something that could be seen in an unflattering light---not that it actually stops me!

I am more comfortable talking straight now on a2k than I was when I first started on the internet at another forum three years ago. I do feel a certain amount of self respect and mutual respect in this forum. Perhaps because of my sense of myself in time, it is more important for me psychologically to be known as a person than to cover my opinion. I am most often quiet on some topics because I don't marshall arguments effectively as routinely as some who I think are excellent at argumentation, whether I agree with them on a given issue or not.

I am aware that speaking of intimate matters on a forum read throughout the world is a strange thing to do, but I have a sense of family within the forum, however misplaced that view is. I do know personally some members and many others are very real people to me.

In contrast to my relative comfort in this, I am a reborn scaredie cat about my house. If you asked me five years ago if I cared what anyone thought about my house, in what ever state in its range of cleanliness it was in that day, I would smile and say no, thinking what????? My present business partner and her husband are quite houseproud and from my point of view are maniacal cleaners. I have become more private about my house, and perhaps less tidy than my normal self (oh, how mature). I rarely have them over because of this, whereas at my old house in my old city, I was a constant if casual hostess, with people coming over for dinner all the time. This is complicated by my working with my business partner lengthy hours already... we do give each other privacy off the job. Still, I don't foster any dropping by.

Sometimes I do, Diane.

I feel that the only real truth in this world is to be oneself; everything else is subjective. Although I would refrain from certain comments if I felt that they would embarrass someone else, I act on A2K as I do in real life; judge me if you will: what's the point of judging a façade?

As for the house thing; I don't apologise. Yet, I keep my place very clean, as I feel clutter, dust and rubbish are quite oppresive, and stop me from concentrating.

These are my thoughts as well. I think of many of you here at A2K as an extended family and the longer I'm here, the more I tend to reveal about myself. I've thrown a few things out there where I was judged, but I knew I would be by some and was ready for it. I suppose the few shocking (to some) things I threw out there were said so I could see who would accept me just the way I am because that's important to me. Like Roger, there are people I will go out of my way not to say anything that will offend them. I say pretty much what's on my mind, but I will hold back for the sake of not hurting someones feelings.

I do tend to ask people to excuse the mess if my house happens to be a bit messy when they come over, but I always joke and say that it's only messy when people come over, although there is a lot of truth to that. People around here have this habit of just stopping by without calling first, sigh.

I will put myself on the line for many of my thoughts and actions, but some very personal aspects are off limits.

My motto is: Say what you've got to say -- and let others judge you if they want.

There is no way I will ever hold back simply because I fear others may judge me on what I have to say -- even if what I have to say is almost certain to be unpopular.

Osso- I don't think Martha Stewart would ever use my house as an example of great housekeeping. :wink:

Hey, Diane. I have always been and will always be a champion of what seems to be the "underdog". That is true in real life and on this forum. Of course some things are private, but when life gets hard, things often spill over and it's then that I get into the poetry, or music category.

As for my house, it's presentable, I guess. I have never been a domestic type woman, and it's not something that I enjoy doing, but I love to look at my house when it's clean, it's just getting it that way that's a drudge.

Now, about other's judgment. Yes, I will admit that I still wear my heart on my sleeve, and although I don't have feelings of guilt, I have a very active conscience, and yes, there is a difference.

(aside to Phoenix) I couldn't access your Google thread.

I hold back from posting in a lot of threads - mostly because whatever I might add just ain't important/significant...

This is interesting because I had thought about starting a thread from a complementary perspective, about self-censoring criticism. On that very thread there were several things I was hesitant to say because I liked the people involved. But it felt hypocritical to think them, to the point of wanting to PM another participant to say how much I agreed with her, without taking responsibility for those thoughts. (I wrote my reaction in the thread rather than PMing it.)

There are various ways to draw criticism, and that includes disagreeing with the position of a (deservedly) popular member.

I don't know if it is worth it, but it is something I have always done, going ahead and speaking up if I have a strong opinion, even if it will be unpopular. (I am the queen of being told, in private, "I'm so glad you had the guts to say that!" even while not getting support for my position in public. Ah well.)

By the way, I distinguish between accepting someone for who he/she is and saying that every action he/she ever did was absolutely correct. I have plenty o' flaws, every good person I know has plenty o' flaws, I don't see the need to negate the flaws to see that these are good people.

Basically, if I am presented with, "I made this mistake, these were the circumstances, I feel kinda cruddy about it," my first reaction is sure, we all make mistakes, I understand how it happened, this is a story of something similar that happened to me. If I am presented with, "Some people think this is a mistake, but I don't, it was the right thing to do, I feel just fine about it," my reaction is a bit thornier if the "mistake" is something I feel strongly about.

I usually say what's on my mind. If I don't, it's not because I'm concerned about being judged but because I prefer to avoid conflict. Confrontations make me uncomfortable. As for being judged, hmmm. I never thought about it one way or the other.

I cannot begin to tell you how often this happens to me.

At times, I wonder what these folks are thinking of. Why not just second the position in public so that others realize this is not an isolated opinion.

But then I realize that each person has to make his/her outspokenness be an individual decision. Some folks just cannot take the "judgement" that comes with unpopular opinions -- and I really don't want to fault them on that.

I love you man!