If You Were A Superhero...

I repeat;

sorry i don't look good in spandex!

actually though, i do wear spandex when i'm riding; hmmm.......

SUPERCYCLIST!

oops, that's what Canadian Tire call their crappy bikes!

Im hypochondriaman---you notice that you dont have any eyeballs?... Its probably nothing....but.... well.... how long havent you had eyeballs?

I would be Maggot, an extraordinary superhero with powers beyond description.

Very little is as yet known about the South African mutant who calls himself Maggott. He ended up becoming a member of the X-Men, and the nature of his relationship with the two large slugs that accompany him so far remain mysteries.

As far as the two large slugs that accompany me, I guess I can disclose their identities; that would be farmerman and BoGoWo. They have proven to be very capable assistants.

hypochondriaman

charisma man

the ability to charm anyone into doing whatever i want them to

greatest weakness: attractive young women who are actually guys and nevertheless are seduced by charisma man

oh, greatest weakness. Well hypochondria man is always driving around with his turn signals on so he gets beat up a lot by annoyed women
He has really bad tinnitus from all the pills he takes so he cant even hear the clicker on the turn signals of his custom MAybach, a car that is hugely expensive and a real hippopatamus in the looks department.

Hypochondria mans life is pitiful so hes always looking to intercede in crimes and criminal lives. The criminals, on the other hand , look at his intercession as nothing more than a big pain in the ass , and constantly are introducing him to opportunities to regularly visit the emergency room of any available hospital. This, curiously, feeds hypochondria mans own needs to be safe and warm by being near medical treqatment at all times.

This is so pitiful that hypochondria man will not even avail himself of the company offered by other superheros because he is afraid that their super heroness will afford him even more opportunity to become sick with some super, totally drug resistant strain of virus or rickettsia.
I could go on but it is very obvious that Hypochondria man is really fugged up. But he is glad youve asked

Hypochondriaman, you're making me ill.

I would be Flatman. By turning sidewise I could enter locked doors. When shat at I could avoid being hit by turning the flat side toward the gunman. My greatest weakness: Getting my goodies caught squeezing through closed doors.

I would be a shapeshifter, and would go by many aliases.

If I were a superhero I would be called "Boobman".
I would have my own huge tight boobs thus being independent from and uncontrolable by women. This great ability of mine would make me the no. 1 choice for any government or rich person having to deal with cruel gangster-ladies in hot tight leather suits.
I wouldn't be able to fly or run like the wind, but I would be able to bounce on my huge breasts all the way from my secret undiscoverable base somewhere in a tropical paradise (inhabitated by cute girls dressed up the haitian-style) to the location of emergency.
My primary weapons as described above would be my huge, sturdy boobs making me strong on the psychic level and unbeatable on the physical level as I would be able to use them like a lethal yo-yo with immensely devastating effects.
My herosong announcing my arrival on the scene would go like "Watch out ya'll boobman got it under control. Throwing his boobies like flashes ya all're gonna be ashes."
Not to forget the hot tight latex-suit I would be wearing!

Shapeshifter and invisibilityperson - SO cool to be at meetings, rendezvous etc without being seen, or get on trains and planes with no ticket (mind you it would be difficult as invisibilityperson to get a seat unless one was content to be a small handbag in a luggage rack or a speck of dust on the chairback).

Clueless Man. A day late and a dollar short, Clueless Man stumbles through life laughing at jokes other people have already forgotten, and missing the point of most of his fellow human's speeches. Insensitive to feelings and traditions, unable to empathize with political extremists or religious fanatics, he blazes a wide, meandering and perhaps pointless trail through the concerns of the community, instinctively raising objections to conventional wisdom because its his nature. His strengths are his weaknesses. Return with us now as he fires up his faithful computer and utters his famous battle cry: "Let's go, boy; I'm feelin' contrary!"

Man that Clueless Man sounds pretty much like a unappealing jerk.

If you want to make an omelet, you have to break a few eggs.

Gus; "As far as the two large slugs that accompany me, I guess I can disclose their identities; that would be farmerman and BoGoWo. They have proven to be very capable assistants."

now it's out of the bag [but, frankly, if i could reach out and give you a 'slug' i would do so (and then you would have three) :wink: ]

and if you all look very closely, you will be able to (know) see a faint trail through the anals of a2k, by which one could follow my comings and goings.

"Clueless man" sounds very much like most of the people one meets on the street!
I guess they're all heros, deep down inside!
[says SUPERSLUG as he slimes quietly on to the next thread]

Well... Pack-man of course! Incapacitating bad guys with precision guided 500mph footballs (learned from you know who :wink: ) while easily deflecting all manner of attack, with a simple wave of the cheese, he improves the lives of the masses by passing out Packer Tickets and thereby providing them something truly worthy of worship. Ah, the world would be a much better place. He can fight his way past Beer or Brats, but if a wise adversary offers both at once he becomes paralyzed by drunken gluttony.

I would be The Boomerang and, using my boomerang-o-ray I would inflict (or bestow) instant karma on people.

My weakness would be that there are some people I would just plain enjoy picking on.

Wow dude looks like we need Smartman aka Reader's-Digest-Man here. He would've understood that. But Clueless Man is absolutely off the track there...