Girlfriend with self-esteem issues

Well, if she is that overweight, then it doesn't matter what you tell her (unless you tell her that you love 'chubby' women, and actually look at other overweight women - because if you look at skinny women, she will just think you are lying).

To my way of thinking, the only thing to do is to encourage her to become active, and eat healthily (as opposed to trying not to eat). Encouraging a partner to become active usually requires you to become active right beside them. Same goes for healthy eating. It should also be a gradually building process (activeness that is). It can start with something as simple as walking, or hiking, or swimming (not necessarily laps of a pool - at a lake for example)...or anything that she enjoys that gets the blood pumping. And slowly work upwards from there.

What sort of activities (active activities) did she enjoy as a child?

She use to play soccer and softball but I know that she wouldn't do that now, she's too self conscious. Every idea that I suggest she either turns down, or gives up on. It's hard to "jump start" everything from that point, she tried a new diet before which she did good (it's an off and on type diet) it helped her lose some weight and she's going to try and go through another round.

I am going to repeat: Do NOT marry this gal until you have gone to couples counseling.

Re-read you own posts!!

This gal has multiple problems and there you are, trying to make her "happy.'"

We're practically already married so it's just more or less, making it official. We have a house together, credit cards, 2 furry kids (dogs), etc. I've been around people with problems and have actually had a few my own, and this isn't extreme at all. Just a little past normal, everything she complains about is small and insignificant in and of itself. It's just the amount of things that she worries about. I've just named a few of the main factors. So basically all the daily hassels that everyone deals with, she slightly exaggerates.

Ok you've gone from having a girlfriend with self esteem issues to a girlfriend who "slightly exaggerates" things.

You have been defending her like you don't think she really has a problem.

I'm sure he admits she does have issues - otherwise he wouldn't be posting here. Chights, it's a bit like phobia's - the only way to get over them is one small step at a time - usually with someone 'holding your hand' so to speak.

It's also a bit like treating depression - you have to get the person active again, so that they remember what it is like to do things they enjoy, what is like to be active, what it is like to exercise - it's not something they enjoy at first, until they learn to recognise (once more) the stimulating aspects of exercise. It's also why you would have to be beside here. A mutual desire to improve.

There are psychologists who suggest you write down your goals (realistic ones), and put it up on a wall, as written goals are several times more likely to come true.

There are also psychologists who suggest you have a photo on your wall of your goal, and that you look at it each morning as you get up, and each night just before you go to sleep - to remind yourself of your goal (and also because as you wake up and as you go to sleep, your subconscious is much more susceptible to suggestions)

Telling other people of your goals also makes you more committed to your goals. Having another person there to achieve them makes it easier to keep yourself motivated.

In the end, if you keep moving towards your goals one step at a time, you will get used to the concept of moving towards your goals one step at a time, and even 'far fetched' goals will not seem so daunting any more.

Sounds like she also has anxiety issues. So - add this to the list.

It would have helped if you would have said from the get-go that you are living together, financially bound, and have 2 dogs together.

Perhaps you also need couples counseling. Just her going to the psychogist at work is not going to help out with what's concerning you. (In fact, you may be a contributor to some of the issue, too, who knows??)

Bring in a good listener/counselor to take a look at this relationship and the two of you, individually.

I admire you for seeing that things could be better, but don't discount or defend her OR yourself. Get to the bottom of these issues, NOW.

I'm not saying that she doesn't have a problem. I'm just trying to make it seem like she's not some psychotic nutjob. From some of the reactions that I'm getting, it seems as though some people think she's some rabid wolf gnawing at my throat all the time. It's more excessive mopey-ness with occasional outbursts, but she does have a really great fun side that's around a lot more then not. We have a lot of fun together and most the time things are just peachy. It's just the persistance of the problem that I don't like. It's also not building up inside of me like some people think. I'm a very easy going person and I'm beyond being an expert in just letting things go.

Self-esteem issues are mostly caused by mainstream media via TV, radio and magazines so as to weaken the self and cause the self to purchase commercial product.

Tell her to stop watching TV and reading popular magazines.

This isn't quite true - although they can contribute to self esteem issues. Self esteem is about the self - not about others, or ones influence on others. It is about your belief in your worth to yourself, your respect for yourself, the value you place on your needs, the belief that you have a right to achieve / a right to be happy / a right go after what you want. It is a belief that your own wants are important, that who you are can be on show (for your own benefit, in front of others). etc.