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Children want to change names, father says no from prison after saying yes

 
 
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 06:29 pm
@CalamityJane,
You know over and over I can not see this support from you ladies if the situation had been reverse in any manner.

If a man had ask about wiping out his ex-wife from his children lives and replacing her with his new wife even if the mother happen to be in prison I can not see one little bit of support for him from you ladies.

Ok please tell me that I am wrong that you would support a mother in prison losing her rights to have a relationship with her children under the same conditions as stated by this woman.

Would you be supporting the rights of a 10 and 11 yeas old not to see their mother after she been release?
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 07:14 pm
@BillRM,
I don't care about gender, it makes no difference. I've known several very excellent single fathers. My own father was one (admittedly he became one when his first wife died in childbirth), my son's biological mother has other children who are being raised by their biological father and she doesn't even have visitation. By most accounts, this is a good thing.

My father in law, an attorney, and a hughly immature and vindictive man, helped two of his children sue for emancipation from their mother after she was awarded sole custody just to spite her. He barely laid eyes on them again until they were adults.

And yes, I would support a mother losing rights to her children if she was repeately in prison. You aren't being a good parent if you keep going back to prison. Break the law, go to prison, get out, change your life -- okay. Keep doing the same **** over and over -- not okay. When you do that you are showing that your kids are not your priority. Well... unless you're was stealing felonious amounts of baby formula and diapers.

My son wants to change his name because he made up a name that he likes better. This happened when he was 6. I didn't have anything to do with his idea. Two and a half years later he still insists on being called the name he made up.

Also, my brother has been in the Army for 30 years and you'd be hard pressed to find a better father anywhere on Earth. Having a father (or mother) who is deployed serving their country is a whole hell of a lot different that having a father locked up for armed robbery, or assault, or rape, or whatever landed him (or her) in jail.

If you want to talk about how your "friend" has been wronged start a new thread for heaven's sake. Just make sure you tell both sides to the story since you think everyone slants things to their own side.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 07:28 pm
@boomerang,
Well it nice that you would not take sex into account but I would not either and I would not support a woman losing her ability to have a relationship with her children because she had been in prison.

You are not only hurting the one parent you are far more importantly hurting the children and I am sad that you can not see that fact.

Not being an ideal parent is not reason to take away the relationship unless it is because of likely harm to the children.

The lady that started this thread is going to harm her children if she get her wish that they loss any future relationship with their father.

That harm might be needed but it will still be harm.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 07:43 pm
@BillRM,
Or she might be saving them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, biological parents are all so lovely and wonderful and caring that as of today we can shut down the foster care system and send 100,000 kids home to their misunderstood parents.

Parents frikken kill their kids every day. It would be so harmful to interfere with that relationship.

Tell me another story.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 07:53 pm
@boomerang,
Hmm so we go from a father who is in prison to a father that is likely to kill his children?

Let see two percent of the male population in this country is sadly in prison at any one time and is it your claim that all of those millions of men are likely to harm or even kill their own children?

No man who had been in prison should be allow to have a relationship with his children if the mother had remarried and wish to pretend that her new husband is the father?

Talk about telling someone a story.
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 08:00 pm
Holy Mary mother of God, I've finally learned what the "ignore" button is for.

Thank you A2K!
BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 08:01 pm
@boomerang,
LOL and more LOL..................
0 Replies
 
soozoo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 08:13 pm
Js Concern, I tried to find some sort of answer online but didn't have much luck. I would suggest seeing a family law attorney to see if you can get some legal answers. Also, I think counseling (which you have mentioned) would be beneficial to your children. I feel for all of you and hope you can get this situation resolved so that your children can grow up in a happy and non-fearful atmosphere.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 10:25 pm
@soozoo,
Js Concern, I tried to find some sort of answer online but didn't have much luck. I would suggest seeing a family law attorney to see if you can get some legal answers. Also, I think counseling (which you have mentioned) would be beneficial to your children. I feel for all of you and hope you can get this situation resolved so that your children can grow up in a happy and non-fearful atmosphere
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let see the lawyer is likely to tell her that the name change can not be done at least for now and counseling is a fine idea in my opinion as it might result in her not transmitting her fears to her children in the future.
0 Replies
 
Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Tue 13 Oct, 2009 09:18 am
@BillRM,
Starting again... These are some of the words from J’s concern.


Js Concern wrote:

My children have an abusive father.

He has a long record and has been convicted of several felonies both in Florida and Texas.

My children are 11 and 10.

They feel very strongly as to what they want to do and what they do not want to do in this matter.

They wish to have no contact with him at all.

They asked him if they could change their names. They are ashamed to have his last name and it has caused them many an explanation because my name and their Dad's name are different than theirs. I then sent the papers for him to sign so they could change their names since he said he would allow it but he then recanted.

What is the legal age in the state of Florida that a child can choose to 'visit' with a parent or not?

Besides removal of parental rights what can I do to help my children on this matter?

I have actually thought about sending them to an independent counselor.

I have actually tried to reunite my family unit over 3 times including moving to 3 states to do so even after he was in prison.

My children have gone through a lot and I see them finally happy in their own skin but hating their last name.

My husband would love to adopt them and has supported us all for 5 years now.

I could have lost my life and both my children in one day due to the father loving drugs more than anything else.

He took my 10 month old at the time in a car to buy cocaine in the state of Florida. It was August and 102 degrees out. My Dad and Mother found the car with her in it. She was locked inside, passed out in her car seat with absolutely nothing in a bottle for her to drink. Had my parents not found her then, she would have died.

I do try not to project any of my feelings onto them but they are extremely intelligent and want what they want.

I am not naive enough to think that some of my feelings are still perceived through all this by my children and always will be as they have always had me to turn to and we know each other well.

I don't play games.

I simply want my children to be happy, healthy and whole as well as safe.

This is not a termination of the children's choices as far as seeing their father or not.











BillRM wrote:

My position is this kind of action should wait until they are 12 or 13 not 5 or 6


So, we've established the children are 10 and 11.

Quote:
and that in the mean time they had a right to get to know their father so they can in fact reach a conclusion on their own one way or another.



yes, but the children should have the right to decide whether or not they wish to attend a prison to visit a father who has possibly abused them. YES - this should be their choice.

The mother has stated she has relocated 3 times to where the father is imprisoned... she now has a life, with another man, who is supporting her to raise her children.

Quote:
You ladies are not being honest even with yourselves it would seem.


Excuse me?

BillRM wrote:

So I would not have a problem with them changing their names or an adoption assuming they are allow to see their father themselves over the next few years so they have some direct information for themselves of what kind of man he is.

And they should have that right unless it can be proven in court that he is a threat to them.


We do not know why the father is imprisoned or what he has done, and I don't believe that a child would be forced against their will to go visit a prison. Perhaps I'm wrong there. I can't imagine an authority forcing visitation upon the child.

Am I right in thinking that you believe that in every case, no matter the circumstances or what has happened to the mother/child, that it is the mother's (or role reversal, the father's) duty to take their child to visit an imprisoned parent, even tho they may have remarried, have a life, moved away, whatever? Hmmmmm...

BillRM wrote:

Right now we all still all know that this is not their independent wish but the mother wishes as all they know is the mother opinion of their father.


Really, you just do not know that, or how or when or if the children have had regular contact with their father, we "all" do not know anything other than what has been posted.

Yes, the children should have that right. The poster is not saying she is stopping them. Not once has she stated that, in fact, she has clearly stated

Js Concern wrote:

This is not a termination of the children's choices as far as seeing their father or not.


So...



Unless you know this poster, you cannot possibly say what is true or not true, imagined, manipulated, perceived, projected ............. it is a “post”... asking a question. I don’t believe it warrants such a caustic tone as to whomever J's concern is, leave alone questioning the rest of the folk on the thread who are simply trying to be supportive on a forum that is for asking questions.

What on earth has gender to do with it? If the roles were reversed and the mother was imprisoned, I would still believe it is the children’s choice as to whether they should visit the prison and whether they should be forced to. These children are certainly old enough to make a decision on whether to spend the weekend in a stable family environment or.... visit their father (or mother) in prison. They are also old enough to talk to an independent advocate as to whether they wish to change their names if they have issues regarding the use of their name in their environment.

Please don’t get me wrong here. I do not believe folk who are imprisoned should lose their parental rights simply “because they are imprisoned”. I don't believe that all. I do not know the case or what has happened, other than what the poster has said. The reasons for imprisonment would need to be known and considered. The children’s rights would need to be taken into consideration based on what they had experienced with the parent and whether their health, safety and welfare could be further damaged.

Quote:
Ok please tell me that I am wrong that you would support a mother in prison losing her rights to have a relationship with her children under the same conditions as stated by this woman.


OK... we're saying the same details as are written in the first quotation, just swap he for she...

OK - you are wrong. Quite simply.

Parents lose their rights for different reasons. Not simply due to imprisonment. If a parent is abusive and has been life-threatening ... it makes no difference what the gender is. The damage to the child is equally horrible. We have no idea what has happened here or how the children are affected, other than what the mother says. She asked a question about how to help her children. If it's not under the remit of the law - then it probably won't happen. Only a lawyer can really answer that. Posting on an internet forum makes no difference to the legalities of their real-life.

Finally.

Please do stop with the “oh, you ladies... Rolling Eyes ” business, Bill. It is terribly condescending and patronising and really, not at all necessary. Male or female... individuals have opinions - like it or not.

Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Tue 13 Oct, 2009 09:21 am
@Js Concern,
J’s concern.

I too wish you well and hope you will find the answers to your questions that will be of benefit to your children's wellbeing. I don’t live in your country and do not know your laws so can’t really offer any constructive opinions. However, I would advise you seek some independent advocation for your children so that they are able to put their views across, perhaps over a period of time so the advocate is certain that their wishes are made in their own judgement and that they fully understand everything. Do seek the advice of a lawyer who deals in family matters and, most importantly, take care of the children as best you can. Good luck to you.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Tue 13 Oct, 2009 02:54 pm
@Izzie,
When my now wife was going for her PHD in social work I found myself an unpaid researcher for her using my ability to access the UM library stacks.

One thing I found out that 80 to 90 percent of the claims women/mothers file with the courts of child abusive including sexual abusive again the fathers turn out to have zero grounding during divorces and or custody battles.

She wish to pretend that her current husband is the father and wipe out the real father out of their lives.

If you think that a 10 or a 11 year old would not be influence by her wishes and if in fact she did not wish to wipe the father of her children out of their lives they would by themselves come up with a name change demand or a wish not to see their father then I had great swamp land to sell you.

Sorry but the odds of her posting having close one to one connection to the real world is 20 percent or less.
0 Replies
 
 

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