@BillRM,
Starting again... These are some of the words from J’s concern.
Js Concern wrote:
My children have an abusive father.
He has a long record and has been convicted of several felonies both in Florida and Texas.
My children are 11 and 10.
They feel very strongly as to what they want to do and what they do not want to do in this matter.
They wish to have no contact with him at all.
They asked him if they could change their names. They are ashamed to have his last name and it has caused them many an explanation because my name and their Dad's name are different than theirs. I then sent the papers for him to sign so they could change their names since he said he would allow it but he then recanted.
What is the legal age in the state of Florida that a child can choose to 'visit' with a parent or not?
Besides removal of parental rights what can I do to help my children on this matter?
I have actually thought about sending them to an independent counselor.
I have actually tried to reunite my family unit over 3 times including moving to 3 states to do so even after he was in prison.
My children have gone through a lot and I see them finally happy in their own skin but hating their last name.
My husband would love to adopt them and has supported us all for 5 years now.
I could have lost my life and both my children in one day due to the father loving drugs more than anything else.
He took my 10 month old at the time in a car to buy cocaine in the state of Florida. It was August and 102 degrees out. My Dad and Mother found the car with her in it. She was locked inside, passed out in her car seat with absolutely nothing in a bottle for her to drink. Had my parents not found her then, she would have died.
I do try not to project any of my feelings onto them but they are extremely intelligent and want what they want.
I am not naive enough to think that some of my feelings are still perceived through all this by my children and always will be as they have always had me to turn to and we know each other well.
I don't play games.
I simply want my children to be happy, healthy and whole as well as safe.
This is not a termination of the children's choices as far as seeing their father or not.
BillRM wrote:
My position is this kind of action should wait until they are 12 or 13 not 5 or 6
So, we've established the children are 10 and 11.
Quote:and that in the mean time they had a right to get to know their father so they can in fact reach a conclusion on their own one way or another.
yes,
but the children should have the right to decide whether or not they wish to attend a prison to visit a father who has possibly abused them. YES - this should be their choice.
The mother has stated she has relocated 3 times to where the father is imprisoned... she now has a life, with another man, who is supporting her to raise her children.
Quote:You ladies are not being honest even with yourselves it would seem.
Excuse me?
BillRM wrote:
So I would not have a problem with them changing their names or an adoption assuming they are allow to see their father themselves over the next few years so they have some direct information for themselves of what kind of man he is.
And they should have that right unless it can be proven in court that he is a threat to them.
We do not know why the father is imprisoned or what he has done, and I don't believe that a child would be forced against their will to go visit a prison. Perhaps I'm wrong there. I can't imagine an authority forcing visitation upon the child.
Am I right in thinking that you believe that in every case, no matter the circumstances or what has happened to the mother/child, that it is the mother's (or role reversal, the father's) duty to take their child to visit an imprisoned parent, even tho they may have remarried, have a life, moved away, whatever? Hmmmmm...
BillRM wrote:
Right now we all still all know that this is not their independent wish but the mother wishes as all they know is the mother opinion of their father.
Really, you just do not know that, or how or when or if the children have had regular contact with their father, we "all" do not know anything other than what has been posted.
Yes, the children should have that right. The poster is not saying she is stopping them. Not once has she stated that, in fact, she has clearly stated
Js Concern wrote:
This is not a termination of the children's choices as far as seeing their father or not.
So...
Unless you know this poster, you cannot possibly say what is true or not true, imagined, manipulated, perceived, projected ............. it is a “post”... asking a question. I don’t believe it warrants such a caustic tone as to whomever J's concern is, leave alone questioning the rest of the folk on the thread who are simply trying to be supportive on a forum that is for asking questions.
What on earth has gender to do with it? If the roles were reversed and the mother was imprisoned, I would still believe it is the children’s choice as to whether they should visit the prison and whether they should be forced to. These children are certainly old enough to make a decision on whether to spend the weekend in a stable family environment or.... visit their father (or mother) in prison. They are also old enough to talk to an independent advocate as to whether they wish to change their names if they have issues regarding the use of their name in their environment.
Please don’t get me wrong here. I do not believe folk who are imprisoned should lose their parental rights simply “because they are imprisoned”. I don't believe that all. I do not know the case or what has happened, other than what the poster has said. The reasons for imprisonment would need to be known and considered. The children’s rights would need to be taken into consideration based on what they had experienced with the parent and whether their health, safety and welfare could be further damaged.
Quote:Ok please tell me that I am wrong that you would support a mother in prison losing her rights to have a relationship with her children under the same conditions as stated by this woman.
OK... we're saying the same details as are written in the first quotation, just swap he for she...
OK - you are wrong. Quite simply.
Parents lose their rights for different reasons. Not simply due to imprisonment. If a parent is abusive and has been life-threatening ... it makes no difference what the gender is. The damage to the child is equally horrible. We have no idea what has happened here or how the children are affected, other than what the mother says. She asked a question about how to help her children. If it's not under the remit of the law - then it probably won't happen. Only a lawyer can really answer that. Posting on an internet forum makes no difference to the legalities of their real-life.
Finally.
Please do stop with the “oh, you ladies...
” business, Bill. It is terribly condescending and patronising and really, not at all necessary. Male or female... individuals have opinions - like it or not.