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Children want to change names, father says no from prison after saying yes

 
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 11:59 am
So your kids have been living with you and your current husband for 5 years -- since the kids were 5 and 6 years old? Do they call your husband "First name" or "Dad" or what? Does he do all the things that a good dad would normally do?

Most states have what are called "Psychological Parenting" provisions written into their custody laws. If your state does this law might help you. Set up an appointment with a family law attorney.

BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 12:08 pm
@boomerang,
Talking to a lawyer is always a good idea but once more ending a parent rights is not a walk in the park and it should not be no matter what the kids happen to be calling their stepfather.

In a few years the children wishes will be taken into account far more then now by the courts and all these issues should be address when they are old enough that they are not just parroting their mother.
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 01:26 pm
In a few years these kids will be adults and they can do whatever they please as to their name and to their father.

Right now they're having some issues that the mother told us about. I'm taking her post at face value -- not reading some big sinister plot about her motivations. She asked a question, I'm trying to answer her question.

I'm not a lawyer but I do happen to know quite a bit about custody law, and termination of parental rights. I spent a solid three years researching my state's laws about it.

Creating a baby doesn't automatically make you a worthwhile parent. Some parents are total bullshit. Sure, they have rights but kids have rights too.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 01:50 pm
@boomerang,
Yes I am sure you know what you are talking about not.

And once more in a few years they will be in their teens and early teens at that hardly adults so cut the nonsense.

If the gentleman did not care for those children he could get out from under future child support payments by allowing not only a name change but an adoption by the step parent and that he seem not to be willing to do.

I am sure you think think that a man rights to be part of his children lives should be at the whim of the mother but that is not how it is my friend.

She picked this evil no good man to be the father of two children and if she is telling a completely straight story do you not find that a little bit odd?



BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 02:02 pm
@boomerang,
Oh in connection with her telling a straight story would you care to explain to me how the child welfare agency would has the power to force visitation on this poor mother and her children?

The last I look “expert” the family courts are the one who decide visitation not CPS but it does made her look like more of a victim does it not?
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 02:50 pm
@BillRM,
Bill, I am sorry to say that, but you're a real jerk. Whatever your personal problems are, these are yours. To project these into someone else's life is
not only wrong it is stupid as well. You have stated your concern and your
case over and over here. Everyone has heard you loud and clearly - you
even got an in depth explanation why the mother wants to change the name,
and you're still hammering away as if the mother is the guilty one here.

Please don't project your own misery onto others!
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 03:28 pm
@CalamityJane,
Lord here we have a women who wish to wipe a father out of his children lives and claim it is not her wish but her 5 or 6 year old children wish!!!!!!!!!

Please do not tell me that you are not so stupid that you think that the children of 5 or 6 are the driving force behind this and she just wish to do their bidding!

I would bet a large large sum of money if we change the sex of the parents around your IQ would somehow greatly increase and you would not buy into this complete nonsense anymore then I do.




Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 03:32 pm
@BillRM,
Bill.

There is only one side of the story being put across by this poster. That is her side of her story and she has the right to talk, as does any poster.

When I read the posts I do not see a projection of hate.

The unwarranted harshness of your post ... well, you do not know her and simply to say the things you are terribly harsh in my opinion.

She, whatever the story, is asking for advice - not judge and jury on how she feels.

If all that she says is true - then what would your considered opinion. If you knew this was the truth - then please give a considered opinion on those facts - preferably to condemning this person from the get go.

I think is seems very unfair.

We all reaslise there are two sides to a story.

Stating quite clearly that in your opinion
Quote:


No way are such children, at the ages given, is going to wish to cut off their father from their lives without the mother projecting hate and fear of him to her children.
I totally disagree with this comment.

You have lived your experiences and base your posts according. However, when someone is seeking advice, without motive from what I am reading, try and give a little benefit of the doubt that you obviously have.

The husband will always be "the birth father" - it does not make him a "Dad" or necessarily a good role model for the children. On the flip side, we do not know if he is a good or bad father - we can only go on what is being said - not on the judging a few words, which have been expanded on to give more clarification of the advice being sought.

Quote:
You know it seem to me that the mother had been transmitting her fears and hate for the man who father her children to those children and off hand that is an unwise thing to do.


There is no proof to what you are stating... this is you assumption. If wrong Bill, consider that possibly you may be wrong here, please do not tar all ex'es by the same brush that you made been aware of in your experiences. It simply isn't a nice thing to do.

Someone is asking for some help... not a backlash - and some advice, if it seems good to her, may help/alter/change/give perspective to how she acts in the future.

Scaring people off with these projections you are seemingly making - i feel is harsh.

I don't know you Bill. Please try to read her words and not hear your words and perhaps the postings may not seem so dismissive of the posters question.

Thanku for listening, if you have read this. I don't mean to offend you - but I feel your posts here are so harsh towards someone you have never met and is crying out for help.


Not that that is any of my business and you are free to post whatever you wish. It's just quite sad so see somene new come to the forum and have a lashing.



Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 03:40 pm
@BillRM,
BillRM wrote:

She picked this evil no good man to be the father of two children and if she is telling a completely straight story do you not find that a little bit odd?


No, many people marry and sh*t happens. Sometimes we discover during the journey that things are not roses around the door. Had the father been absuive.... had the father being high on drugs and alcholo and put his children/her danger, possibly is locked car in nextreme temps ... what is this is true ... if what this lady is describing about possible abuse... do you not think the children who are now living in a stable and happy family would wish to have their stability honoured.

You don't know the whole truth and nothing but the truth. You may have an opinion that you thing it's codswallop........ but where, in her posting did you glean all that pertinent information that this woman is such a mean and vindictive person. I just don't get your line of thinking. Whom are you to judge when you have limited information.
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 03:54 pm
@BillRM,
They aren't 5 and 6; they're 10 and 11.

They have been living with the mother and step father since they were 5 and 6.

They are certainly old enough to have an opinion.

From what I've read about name changing the parents have to be notified but don't necessarily have to consent -- at least in my state. A judge can hear the testimony and make the decision. These kids are old enough to testify.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 03:56 pm
@Izzie,
So a five and six year olds here had not been program to wish to change their names?

A five or six year old can come to this conclusion all by themselves? We normally do not grant 5 or 6 years olds the right to make live changing decisions because they do not have the judgment and are completely open to the influence of adults.

I been around five and six year olds and had never seem the ability you are so cheerfully granting them but who know they might by some magic have the ability to come to such a conclusion without the loving prompting of the mother. NOT!!!!!!!

She is not being honest as it is her wish, as we all know for the name change, the no visits, and the future adoption by her current husband.

She might or might not be going down the best road for her children but if have zero to do with their wishes but it is her wishes as we all know.

My position is this kind of action should wait until they are 12 or 13 not 5 or 6 and that in the mean time they had a right to get to know their father so they can in fact reach a conclusion on their own one way or another.

You ladies are not being honest even with yourselves it would seem.
boomerang
 
  2  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 03:58 pm
@BillRM,
These kids are 10 and 11.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 04:12 pm
@boomerang,
These kids are 10 and 11.
-----------------------------------
I miss read the ages so they are within two to three years of where they should have their voices hear.

Most courts begin to hear children in such cases at around 13 years olds.

So I would not have a problem with them changing their names or an adoption assuming they are allow to see their father themselves over the next few years so they have some direct information for themselves of what kind of man he is.

And they should have that right unless it can be proven in court that he is a threat to them.

Right now we all still all know that this is not their independent wish but the mother wishes as all they know is the mother opinion of their father.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 04:23 pm
Second comment if he is indeed the uncaring father being claim as soon as he is out of prison and getting a paycheck hit by child support he well likely agree to an adoption.
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 05:02 pm
@BillRM,
Quote:
And they should have that right unless it can be proven in court that he is a threat to them.


Then shouldn't they also have a right NOT to see him?

Quote:
Right now we all still all know that this is not their independent wish but the mother wishes as all they know is the mother opinion of their father.


We don't know this at all. We don't know who the father is. Maybe it's Timothy McVeigh. Maybe living in their town and having the name McVeigh makes them a target for ridicule and torment. Maybe they've been teased so much that having the name is actually painfull to them.

If all they know of their father is what their mom has told them and they have no independant memory of him at all then he most certainly doesn't deserve to be called "Dad".

BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 05:08 pm
Third comment the mother wish to take away the children right to have a relationship with their father and once more at that age 10 or 11 it is still the mother wishes we are talking about here not the independent wishes of the children and we all know this do we not?

This may indeed be in the best interest of the children but then it might not be and it should not be done on the word of the mother alone and her ability to talk her children into “asking” for it.

I love how the ladies are all for taking every bit of this nonsense that it is the independent wishes of a 10 and 11 year old at face value and somehow if the reverse had been true and it is a father that wish to do this to his children and the mother of his children I can not see the support for this poor man forecoming.

Ten and 11 years olds are not 5 or 6 years old but they are still young children.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 05:15 pm
@boomerang,
Then shouldn't they also have a right NOT to see him?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
NO NO NO unless it can be proven that he is a risk to their well being as once more it is the mother who is controlling their wish at those ages not to see him as we both know.

How many million of fathers would be shut out of their children lives by the mothers brainwashing the children into expressing a wish not to see the evil fathers?

It your wish was law then any mother could stop any father from seeing his young children.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 05:24 pm
@boomerang,
If all they know of their father is what their mom has told them and they have no independant memory of him at all then he most certainly doesn't deserve to be called "Dad".
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hmm let see then if a parent is in the military or is a sailor or an number of other reasons including being in prison that he is not in his children lives on a daily or even weekly or monthly basic then he lost the right to be a father/Dad?

So if an ex-wife happen to have a ex-husband that for whatever reason does not get to see his children often and she can brainwash them into stating they do not wish to see him that should be the end of him having a relationship with them?

That is your position correct?
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 05:33 pm
You don't get it Bill, do you? There is no "if he's in the military etc. etc...."
the facts are differently and none of them match your hypothetical scenarios
or your own experiences.

This mother has stated her facts and asked for advice. Who are we to question
her motivation? You have given her your opinion and your advice and that's that. Give it a rest, get a punching bgl if you can't take your situation, but stop
badgering this poor mother.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Oct, 2009 05:52 pm
@CalamityJane,
First he is in prison so he can not see them unless she go to the trouble of bringing them to him for a visit and we both know in this case that is not going to happen!

Second she wish to take a right away from her children to have a relationship with their father a right that should only be taken away unless it is proven beyond question to a judge that it is in the long term best interest of those children.

Not that she would had been more comfort if she could wipe the gentleman out of her live and pretend that she had those children by her current husband.

And I was more then kind to her all I suggested was that she waited until they was a few years older and allow them a chance to get to know their father first before going the route of name change and adoption.

We all know that those kids did not come up with a name change ETC without her strong input and if she had still wish/desire them to have a relationship with the father they would not be asking her for a name change now.
0 Replies
 
 

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