It is a mistake to have contempt for your customers

The technical writing field must not be having problems with unemployment, if my new cell phone manual provides any insight.

Here are a few tidbits that I found interesting:
1) "Non approved accessories can cause damage...Hint: If it's being sold out of someone's car trunk, walk away."
Gee, do you think I should not buy hot accessories for my cell phone? But they are so cheap - and so tempting...but now that I've read the manual, I guess I better not. Thank you manual.

2) "Do not attempt to operate your phone charger if it has...been thrown from a speeding motorcycle or is otherwise damaged."
WTH? Am I Wonder Woman? Am I cell phone sadist who goes around tossing innocent phones off motorbikes? Why is this in my manual, I ask you, why?

3) "Water... even a small amount such as...tears of joy, squirt-gun crossfire..."
Um, who do they think is going to be using this phone? Apparently a child-like, hyper-emotional superhero who buys hot cell phone accessories. Or perhaps an effeminate HOG rider with a criminal record? Gee, maybe I should think about whether Nokia projects the image I want to project...


And how about these little tidbits, found on the safety page:

Direct quote: "Keep your phone closed." (What the hell does that even mean? It's not a flip phone!)

And "If it rings and you discover it's in the back seat, do NOT crawl over the seat to answer it while driving."

a) I can only hope that "it" is a phone.
b) How the hell would I discover that "it" is in the back seat without crawling over the seat to see where "it" is. Can I crawl over the seat to pick "it" up? Maybe if I "keep it closed" that would be okay. Of course, I probably already will have tossed "it" out the window or used "it" as a shield in a squirt gun fight, so I'll be SOL anyway.

Or how about the instructions for texting, where they tell me how to text "HEY" to someone. I know that's high on my list of things to say when writing to my friends. How about texting "WTH?" Got instructions for that in there anywhere?

Curiously omitted are instructions for how to open the damn battery door. I could have actually USED that, even if it had come dripping with sarcasm like the rest of the manual. I know IT folks snicker behind our backs, but in the open? In the manual? For shame, Nokia, for shame.