I hate umbrellas...

Your number two is one which makes me crazy when i'm obliged to brave the city streets. Fortunately, though, i live in a town just outside the city, and here, in the great new 'Merican tradition, we all drive to work, or the supermarket, or the post office, so we are not usually exposed to the mad, umbrella weilding short people.

I don't like them either, but like Setanta, I drive everywhere.

Re. your no. 2 objection, Iv'e long held the belief that women should have to pass a test to be allowed a licence to carry an umbrella.

The traffic here in York is terrible at all times, both vehicular & pedestrian. The roads & pavements are crowded with locals, tourists & students all trying to get somewhere at a variety of paces. It's quite normal for people to step into the road to 'overtake' some slow moving Americans in shorts taking pictures of buildings (it's okay to do that here as jaywalking is not a crime, and the traffic is moving slower than the pedestrians anyway) This is all made impossible when two birds in suits are meandering down the street at lunchtime with their Pret-a-Manger designer sandwiches and umbrellas, taking up the whole pavement. They give you dirty looks when you are forced to squeeze past and risk losing any eye in the process. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

well sir knight of york, I see youve got that chivalry thing down all well and good

When i'm confronted with that situation, i just push the umbrella out of may way, and to hell with whomever is under it.

My brolly has spiked chariot wheels for the likes of you....

I was brought up to hold doors open for women & old people as a courtesy, and all those other things seen as chivalrous, but I refuse to risk an eye by waiting for some dozy mare who's main concern is her hair and probably wouldn't notice anyway, and even if she did probably wouldn't even say thanks.

I don't think chivalry is dead yet, but it's being killed off by the very people who are supposed to benefit from it.

well what, prey tell, is your solution?

Ban umbrellas on rainy days

Be a real knight and hold the ladys chutes

wear one of those really gay lookin bicycle helmets

buy one of those 1960 clear plastic "mod' umbrellas that have a severe curvature and cocoon your entire head and shoulder area

Consult the Min istry of Silly Walks to issue you a step that everyone will keep a safe distance from the nutbag walking like Hitler

These are all merely some alternatives, Im sure someone else can come up with more creative solutions to your problem

I might get some shooting eye-protectors. Stylish orange tint and protection from women's brollies! If the people carrying them had more awareness of those around them, that would solve nearly all the problems. I'm off out into town for my lunch now, so if my typing is wonky this afternoon it's because I've been ocularly maimed...

we say "poked in the eye"

I must say umbrellas are one of the most poorly designed items in popular use. I always thought they should have an OSHA sticker like those on sunvisors of SUVs.
"This is a really dumass idea, but if your forced to use this item, you should extend it at arms lenth waay high in the air so you dont (see here it comes) Poke somebodys eye out"

How about is all umbrellas had to have a safety hula hoop around the edges where the ribs extend beyond the cloth? of course then itd be damn hard to open and close.

Even just a load of corks stuck on the spikes would be a cheap & viable solution! I managed to get round town okay without any damage - I think there were (for some reason) a majority of extra tall and extra short women in town, so I was safe between the two extremes! Why don't they just buy a waterprooof coat with a hood, which solves all the rain-issues! They'll probably argue it comes back to the hair issue again when wearing a hood!

BTW, what do the stickers say on the sun-visors? Maybe they don't have them here, but I can't remember seeing any. I have heard about the guy with a mobile-home-van thing who sucessfully sued the manufacturer after engaging the cruise control and nipping into the back to make a coffee - he crashed obviously, and it didn't say in the manual that he would still need to steer!

Grand Duke, Im sorry to tell you but that last story about the cruise control is what we call, an urban legend. It oughta be true though.
In USA we have stickers on SUVs that tell of this cars ability to roll over unexpectadly and cause a violent crash resulting , probably, in ones death. I dont think humvees have them because they are so goddam wide.

It's good to know that someone like your good self has the sense to let guillible people like me know that these things are not true!

I do know however that it is a fact that when they released the film "The Madness of King George" a few years ago, the title was changed from that of the stage play on which it is based "The Madness of King George III" as some American test audiences were asking if it was the third part of a trilogy!

As for the SUVs, why then do people buy them?!?

wank factor - and the odd actual need.

or they mistakenly think they are safer. they aren't.

Hee HEee. I can actually believe the King George III
"Hey do you have the DVD The Madness of King George and Madness King George II?"

People buy SUVs for various reasons, some of which actually are valid. I like to believe they wish to practice their reading skills on all the warning labels. Some of them, like the Jeeps, have their warning labels deeply pressed, like an intaglio into the visors and dashboards, so even if you removed them, there would be this square depression where an obvious label was originally.

There are many rabid anti-SUVers on A2k , I dont happen to be one, since Im out in the field with my big AWD diesel truck in mine areas and construction sites. My only gripe with SUVs is with many drivers who carry on like they are immortal. Usually on the day of the first freeaing rain or first snow, we usually see many SUVs lying upside down in the medial strips of highways.

95% of SUVs in Britain are used by rich people to take their spoilt brats to school, blocking the road for everyone else. I suppose some of those speed-bumps can be pretty challenging for a regular car...

If I was to get one, I'd get the British classic Land Rover circa '75, complete with pull-down flaps for ventilation and plastic windows. You can pull away in any gear and hardly notice any change in engine noise (they roar like a beast in any gear). The insurance is cheap and you can take them apart with a spanner. If you have a crash you can get a new panel and fit it yourself like a kid's construction set. They are mainly driven by farmers and the Army.

...and the Rover leaks like a seive. I had one in the late 80s and it was a demo. It always left little "HOWDY" puddles .

I like that "wank factor" - a new phrase to put on my list. Thanks bunny!