I'm so worried about her

Good!



I understand that this is tricky because of your in-between status, but could you talk to her about seeing a counselor?

When I was angriest (and most terrified) about becoming deaf, a counselor really did help, a lot.



Understood.

I hope so.

I just feel like things got so messed up. I feel like I do more harm to her heart by being around.

T
K
O

I'm not intimately familiar with her heart but it's highly doubtful that you are doing her more harm than good. She's open enough to be able to talk to you about it freely. It doesn't sound as though she would do that with very many people. Having someone to talk to freely is extremely helpful.

The body can never impede the spirit, a better life awaits. I have lost a number of friends to aids although I have been blessed to have not contracted the disease. It is easy to think we have it worse than they do. Picture her whole and happy in mirror of your mind.

I don't handle this well myself. I was crying by the bedside of a friend I lost years ago to aids and he looked at me and he was all on fire from the last radiation treatment, his eyes were so blue and he said, think of how I feel. Keep her from panic, stay strong for her. It will help in the long run. I have handled these time so cowardly myself. My heart goes out to you. You can only do your utmost, then you have to let go and let God.

The earth takes our body yet God receives our spirit, there is comfort in that hope.

Rex - I hear what you're saying. I know I have to be strong. She doesn't have a choice. She has to deal with this.

T
K
O

We are super conquerors, conquering the realms of body and soul to obtain a better life in the spirit.

TKO, her world does not allow her to temper her words right now.

She needs you, but has painful memories and regrets as well, I would guess.

You are doing her nothing but good service by allowing her pain to leave through you, as hard as it can be for your heart.

Keep your strength...

Diest, I still remember having coffee together at Starbucks, and how excited you were at getting close to graduation. After reading this thread, I now understand how good a person you really are; standing by your ex is not only honorable, but exemplary. Keep your chin up; you know we all support you, and hope all turns out well. T.

Oh wow, TKO. Just remember that you have to live with you after the decisions you make. I appreciate your consideration for your ex's feelings, but if you need to somehow 'be there' for her, than do so, for your own peace of mind. I think you're self-reflective enough to know if your need of contact and support is based on a good and respectful foundation.

Aw jeez, I don't know what I would do in a situation like this.

Hoping and wishing for the best,
Cycloptichorn

Terrible situation!

Keep doing just what is needed.

Over and out!

Here to listen, pulling up a chair.

I have a friend from college, in and out of wheelchairs, on and off of crutches, hip surgery, other surgeries, not exactly the same but not too far off either.

The difficulty of it all just can permeate everything. I don't know if that's comprehensible, just the way I see it. It's just a fog that rolls in and stays and never seems to burn off.

I hope we can give you a small lantern.

Diest,

One of the best things you can do as a friend of someone with a chronic illness is have a very good understanding of "The Spoon Theory" and find ways to help them gather and keep hold of the spoons they need. Encourage them to find an activity level their bodies can handle and still have quality of life.

Here's a link to the story. I hope it helps you both.

http://butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

Here with my chair.

Surgery is this morning at 7:40AM CT. It will last several hours. I'm at work, and I can't have my phone on me, so I'm going to have to wait until I'm off to check my voice mail for a message from her mother.

T
Keeping an eye on the clock.
O

Thanks for the update, was wondering how things were going.

Hope the surgery goes well....

No word yet. I got off work and I don't have any voice mail. I called both her phone and her mother's phone, but they were turned off.

Waiting.

T
K
O

Hang in there.

No news can be good news...

Consider it good unless you hear otherwise. A deliberate surgeon is probably better -- miss fewer things. Still, waiting's not easy. If anyone can divert you, say the word and we'll start juggling or something.

Surgery was a success!

She is in recovery. I can probably anticipate to hear from her by tomorrow after she comes out of the drug haze.

Her mother called me to let me know everything went to plan. She explained that they took the stem out of her prosthetic hip and replaced it with one that went the full length of the bone. The stem travels done the inside of the femur, and with the new insert she basically has a fake bone. This should address the stress distribution problem. Additionally the old bone is still in her. It is reassembled around the stem and will heal tightly around it.

A new doctor was brought in. A real pro. She works in the sports medicine field and is one of the doctors who has repaired some of the US's best athletes when they had bone injuries. She specializes in bone break therapy and has many techniques at her disposal that can help promote bone growth. Namely, she has access to some experimental medicine that has proven to be extremely effective for exactly this kind of thing. The same medicine is used on many pro baseball players to speed up their recovery so they can return to play.

I'll keep everyone informed as I learn how things are coming along.

T
K
Opens mouth. exhales.