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Fri 4 Jul, 2008 07:30 pm
Wally and I spent the afternoon out, mostly stopping in places one of us hadn't been before, a couple of errands, just enjoying the holiday.
We stopped at this little barbeque place right down the raod from us, which, in all these years we had never eaten at.
Nice little place, smaller than I had thought it was, maybe 8 tables and a counter, quiet, clean and homey.
Anyway, It was a seat yourself place, and as we sat down, a young guy (maybe 22 or 23) at the booth behind us was starting to stand up, like he was going to the counter. Wally asked him conversationally, do you order up there, or is there service?
The guy said "That's what I'm going to find out, we've been waiting 10 minutes. The guy behind the counter heard him and said "Oh sorry, I'll be right over. We joked with the young guy that the counterman had his attention elsewhere, since he was getting a to go order for a really pretty young woman. The young guy and the 2 other people with him, another male, and a young woman, laughed.....so, you know, good vibes.
Right after that, I realized the young guy was holding onto his keys, not putting them down or in his pocket. The keys were on one of those, clip things, like you put on a belt loop? Every 15 to 20 seconds, he would open up the metal clasp thingie, and let it drop. CLICK.
So we're sitting there talking....CLICK.....and at some random second....CLICK.....we would hear this.......CLICK.....I looked over once.....CLICK.....and saw what it was......CLICK.........and thought "He'll put his keys......CLICK away in a minute.....CLICK.
I got up to use the......CLICK.....bathroom, and while in there.....CLICK.....you could hear the CLICKing even through 2 doors, and the bathroom......CLICK......stall.
Came out, while walking back noticed someone from another table glancing over at him. I sat down.......CLICK.......and thought. "This has been a really nice day. This is really......CLICK.......irritating. I'm just going to ask him.....CLICK.......politely to stop, he's a nice guy, and doesn't realize he's doing that."
Excuse me? (he looks over)....that clicking sound?
Here's where, if someone said that to me, I wouldn't have needed any more....oops...sorry about that.
Him?.....Yes?
Well, that clicking sound....are you making it?
Yes
(not, yes...oh sorry)
Could you please, well, not make that clicking sound? (I know how to say all the right words, like please)
Is it bothering you that much?
(no idiot, it's not bothering me at all, that's why I asked you to stop)
I thought....this guy wants me to deny he's bothering me. Right.
I said....Yes, it is.
They weren't drinking, so I knew the response wasn't coming from the booze. I could tell they hadn't had anything to drink before either. I realized. This guy never has anyone say stop.
Anyway, he said "Well, sorry I entered your private little world"
Then, someone at the table next to me said "I've been sitting here listening to you too, and it is annoying."
Anyway, they ate and left, no remarks. The counter guy came over with our check and said "That was so funny, you really stumped him"
I said I hadn't realized he heard me, and he said "Everyone in the place looked over at the guy when you said that."
Anyway, would you have been the one to say something?
Would you have waited for someone else to?
Would you have sat there and just been annoyed?
That comment of entering someone's own private world....when you're in public, we're all in parts of everyone's world.
I wonder why some people don't get that?
I would have pissed in his slaw and told him his mother is a whore....
I might have moved to a further table rather than say anything.....but I think it was good to say what you did.
I sometimes play with stuff like keys, without knowing, and I am deeply embarrassed, but grateful, when told.
I probably would have waited for someone else to say something, but it would depend on the situation.
I also can't stand those who click ballpoint ink pens.
Using PTSD excuse
Would I have said something? In a heartbeat, especially with how loud it was. However, I might've embellished it with how I suffer from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) if the first step of telling him how annoyed I was didn't bring an immediate apology. Then I'd have felt guilty (for 2 mins) about using those manipulative sort of tactics.
ok, I feel better.
dlowan, wasn't a table further away, this was a small place, could hear him in the bathroom with doors closed.
Reyn, someone clicking those ballpoint pens? clickclickclickclickclickclickclick.....jesus.
During a meeting, this guy I work with was doing that. We're really friendly with each other, and work well together.
He was next to me, so I leaned over and said "hey, the pen, stop" we're comfortable enough with each other to say that.
he said...sorry, put the pen down. Apparantly this is a habit of his, but I can't hear him down in his office. Before you know it he started again. I gave him "the look" and he smiled, chagrined, and stopped again. Then, started....you could tell he really wasn't aware he started it again.
So I reached over, took the pen and threw it through the doorway of the conference room.
With this guy in the restaurant, I think the reason this stayed with me is because as soon as I spoke to him, his eyes went dead. Before, he was conversive and smiling, then, like a light going off, he got that, not blank, but dead look. Like he had no concept of other peoples rights to enjoy the same privilege of having a pleasant meal.
Actually, after they left, I said to Wally (some of our recent, ahem, interesting threads brought it to mind) "He was like some frat boy that wouldn't take no from a girl, because in his mind he should be able to take what he wants"
Wally had the pulled pork and said it was delicious.
I would have taken a comb and some tissue paper and joined him in making music.
ahahaha. edgar strikes again!
Re: Using PTSD excuse
Ragman wrote:Would I have said something? In a heartbeat, especially with how loud it was. However, I might've embellished it with how I suffer from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) if the first step of telling him how annoyed I was didn't bring an immediate apology. Then I'd have felt guilty (for 2 mins) about using those manipulative sort of tactics.
I didn't want to start an argument. I just wanted to politely ask him to stop.
I don't lile to embellish stories, especially since the person I was with knows if something isn't true.
In fact, I have panic disorder (under control, no episodes for years) and at one point, that would have let to a panic attack.
Now, I just want peace and quiet, to the reasonable degree one can expect in public. I wouldn't ask a table of people laughing to quiet down, or ask someone with atrocious manners, like chewing with their mouth open, to chew with their mouth closed.
This was just something that couldn't be either blocked out, like not looking at them eat, or appreciate that it's friends having a good time.
People shouldn't have to act differently in public because of someone elses PTSD, headache, or anxiety. But I think they should if they are doing something that common sense tells you is annoying.
Funny, just before going to the restaurant, we were sitting at a light, and there was a car next to us with rap music booming. I looked over and the occupant of the car was a 19ish year old white guy. He had a dog, a boxer in the back seat.
I said to Wally "I don't know why white kids are allowed to listen to rap music. I'll bet if that dog could talk even he'd tell that guy to turn that **** off.
But, I'm not gonna tell the guy to turn it off. He's in his car, I'm in mine, and within a minute we won't be near each other. His right to listen, my right to drive away from him.
My PTSD explanation was said in jest. I was too lazy to put smiley faces.
I'm curious as to why you feel that white guys shouldn't listen to rap? (not that I even remotely defend rap). Don't they have just as much right to be tasteless and go deaf?
I think you did the right thing, Chai. Being that noisy in such a small place was rude of the guy.
Ragman wrote:My PTSD explanation was said in jest. I was too lazy to put smiley faces.
I'm curious as to why you feel that white guys shouldn't listen to rap? (not that I even remotely defend rap). Don't they have just as much right to be tasteless and go deaf?
oh....that was joking too.
you know, sitting in the car...."jesus, why do they allow people with asses like that to wear short skirts"
Tasteless I know, but that would be said in front of the man I've shared a bed with for many years, and he would know I was kidding. Plus, I'm someone with one of those asses.
My husband has this running joke while driving with me. It doesn't matter what the female looks like, or age, dress etc....
he'll say "oh jesus, look at that one, you know what she wants."
It could be a nun and he'd say it. In fact, the more ridiculous the assumption, the more likely he'll say it.
Some of that ass that Wally was referring to?
I agree that something should have been said. Makes me wonder why it was you and not your husband to say something.
I definitely would have mentioned it. In the nicest way, of course.
Intrepid wrote:I agree that something should have been said. Makes me wonder why it was you and not your husband to say something.
I definitely would have mentioned it. In the nicest way, of course.
Wally didn't say anything because I didn't say anything to Wally. I have no idea if it was bothering him or not.
I'm a big girl, and it didn't occur to me to seek the protection of a male, or anyone else, to carry my message.
Now, if it had been a fancier restaurant, and someone was, let's say talking loudly on his cell, or had a child having a tantrum and the parents didn't see/care it was distruptive, I would have asked the waitstaff or manager to say something.
Wally part? Well, he knows I'm a big girl to, so when I said that, I was maintaining eye contact with the clicker, and didn't look at the husband to seek approval or to ascertain if I was doing the right thing.
After the brief conversation with the clicker, I looked back at some free paper I'd been looking at, not at Wally, and began to say "god, I guess that guy thinks...."
Wally, who was looking at a piece of that newspaper, just said "Drop it" He wasn't mad or disapproving. He's just the type that...situation resolved, move on. I dropped it and except for the comment I made while the guy was leaving, neither on of us have mentioned it. Oh, when I made the Frat Boy comment...Wally agreed with me by saying "Yeah."
Chai wrote:Intrepid wrote:I agree that something should have been said. Makes me wonder why it was you and not your husband to say something.
I definitely would have mentioned it. In the nicest way, of course.
Wally didn't say anything because I didn't say anything to Wally. I have no idea if it was bothering him or not.
I'm a big girl, and it didn't occur to me to seek the protection of a male, or anyone else, to carry my message.
Now, if it had been a fancier restaurant, and someone was, let's say talking loudly on his cell, or had a child having a tantrum and the parents didn't see/care it was distruptive, I would have asked the waitstaff or manager to say something.
Wally part? Well, he knows I'm a big girl to, so when I said that, I was maintaining eye contact with the clicker, and didn't look at the husband to seek approval or to ascertain if I was doing the right thing.
After the brief conversation with the clicker, I looked back at some free paper I'd been looking at, not at Wally, and began to say "god, I guess that guy thinks...."
Wally, who was looking at a piece of that newspaper, just said "Drop it" He wasn't mad or disapproving. He's just the type that...situation resolved, move on. I dropped it and except for the comment I made while the guy was leaving, neither on of us have mentioned it. Oh, when I made the Frat Boy comment...Wally agreed with me by saying "Yeah."
Thanks.
I only asked because you had indicated that most everybody in the restaurant could, apparently, hear it and it was bothering people at other tables too.
Well, the counterman said everyone looked over when I said that, but I don't know if it was bothering everyone.
Just that one man said something after I did.
Also, sometimes askng Wally to take care of something like this means it would turn into a scene from "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly"
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