Low self esteem: Who has it,Who got Over it,What causes it?

i have to much self esteem, but not enough confidence.

it doesnt matter how sexy you are if the girl doesn't say yes.

but i think i do have low self esteem sometimes, but its mainly cuz i was depressed that i got laid off and i cant find a new job, its like the jobs turned off or someshit.

But my best friends 2 females, they like to show me affection, they just tell me im cute, and they will like stroke my hair, and cuddle., its amazing , but iono. female best friends are just so caring.

yeah , friends is what cured my low self esteem/depression.

Or really good sex.

One of the causes of low self-esteem is negative thoughts. If you keep telling yourself you're worthless, you start to feel worthless, and a spiral begins.

You have to train your mind to think in a positive way. At first it's hard to do. Every time you think, "Oh, my hair is so ugly!" you have to consciously stop yourself and find something - anything - positive to think instead. Like "My eyes are a nice color!"

You'll fee like an idiot at first but after six weeks or so of this, it starts to become automatic. You begin to find good things about yourself, and not feel so bad. Your self-esteem - that is, your opinion of yourself - will start to rise.

Stop beating yourself up! Find positive thoughts and practice them every day! If the only good thing about the day is that your shoelace didn't break, well, speak that thought in your mind - "I take care of my things. My shoelaces are strong!"

Another way to do this is to write positive statements on index cards and read them several times a day. These can be things about you that are true, like I always pay my bills on time, or things that you wish were true - I live in a clean, neat place.

yeah, personal experience. I'm still fighting.

Positive self talk does work. I'm living proof. Wy's post nails it.

Risk taking activities, challenge activities and Goal setting can be helpful as well.

I say risk taking because for me a risk taking activity might be bungee jumping but for you it might be a walking tour in the wilderness.

Excellent post Wy!

Mine has always been up and down, depending on my situation at the time.

All I do is force myself to think positive thoughts and I do things I know will help lift me up.

I'm sure I'll be able to give a better response as soon as I get rid of this sinus infection, which likes to keep my head throbbing.

Re: Low self esteem: Who has it,Who got Over it,What causes


Start with how you present yourself to you and others. Take your post, for example. You went to the effort to type many words in all CAPS to assign emphasis to your words, yet each time you referred to yourself, you couldn't be bothered to hold down the shift key and type a capital I.

It might be kool and the in thing to do these days, but in the battle to raise esteem, tiny steps like that are what helps to progress in battling low self esteem.

Now take a look at other aspects of your life. Are there other areas where you aren't bothering to hold down the shift key and type a capital I to represent yourself?

Why does the lack of "specialness" take away from the accomplishment in your eyes? That too is represented in your post and the lack of the capital I. You don't feel you are "something special" so you don't feel it necessary to highlight yourself as something special amongst all the other lower case nouns. In your effort to be as kool as everyone else, you've turned yourself into something not so special.

What was so special about the capitalized words INCREDIBLY, **** and EVERYTHING that wasn't so special about you as represented in the lower case i?

Many years ago I also suffered from low self esteem. 26 years ago when I became a Buddhist that all changed. There's too much to describe in a simple post.

mrhunt, please buy a book today. Go to Barnes & Noble or Borders or somesuch and ask for "Taming Your Gremlin."

When you have finished that one, go back and ask for Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth."

Both are excellent for identifying the negative thoughts you have about yourself, teaching new ways of thinking and dealing with the ego, roles we think we have to play, etc.

I'm really curious about your age, mrhunt.

There has been a lot of research done on what they call "helicopter parents" and the effect it has on their now adult child's self esteem.

It's really a product of the "trophy generation" (the one where every kid on the team gets a trophy no matter how good or bad they played) where parents never give their child permission to fail at anything.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's all your parents fault.

Speaking as a parent I know how hard it is to let my kid be disappointed; it's hard to know when to step in and when to but out; hard to let him fail on his own merits.

I guess what I'm saying is that it might be a good idea to take a look at the expectations you put on yourself. If you do something that you're proud of it IS special -- it doesn't matter at all that other people have accomplished the same thing.

You don't have to save the world to "matter".

In my opinion the number one way to matter is to volunteer. Build a house for Habitat for Humanity, volunteer at the Boys and Girls Club, join the Peace Corps, Teach for America. Seriously, it's easy to be a hero.

i think like "wow i want a girl whos cute, and well, submissive, but passionate and smart"

then i was like well whats a womans fanatasy?

"strong and confident? fireman you know? cop? army guy?"

am i right?

then i was like, well i want ot be a womans fantasy (im very far from it but hey i set my goals high !!!

and a woman doesnt want a sad man, thats all it comes down to.


they dont want an angry man either, they want confidence.

well, thats why i stopped being depressed, it doesnt matter if i have no money, if im confident women will line up, and thats the truth.

but maybe you need something else to cheer you up.

friends are the best for that, regardless how you talk to them !

What a bunch of losers. You people suck.

Thinking positive is essential and something I still struggle with. Figured there was a way around it - guess what, there isn't.
You need it to sustain positive self esteem.

Besides the great stuff mentioned - what helped me at some of my lowest times was my job.

Basically my job started out as volunteer work (and volunteer work is good too) and it revolved around helping someone else.

Anything that takes some focus off yourself sometimes can be a lifesaver. When down ; do you notice how self obsessed we can get?
And that in turn, makes us feel even more miserable, and makes us feel guilty and selfish on top of it sometimes.

Doing something for someone else that truly means something to them, and that gives visible results (a hug of appreciation, a smile, anything that reaches you inside) can save lives.

Seriously, from my lowest points to now and having something to show for it...still the thing that means the most is what I can contribute to others.

It may sound sappy ; but when that happens and you recognize it, it is like seeing your self at the same time. The good part that can give. Cause we can't give what we don't have.

Yo bro, high five.

High school's getting out. Let's go kick some emo kid's ass.

eek, im emo! zomg!

*RUNS*

Hah.....Well thanks alot for the positive Feedback on this guys..

I may indeed try That Whole Positive thoughts thing and I'll even give that book a try although i Dont like buying stuff like that so i'll just search for an ebook format Hopefully...

Btw....Im 21 years old and Im definately Not a trophy kid...I Was Never Really Denied Much but i definately wasnt Like given a prize for every little thing i did either..Just a Normal childhood basicly.

Just for someone's viewpoint, here's a link:

http://www.lifechallenges.org/create/RossA.html

Then I'd start reading the classics. Don't stop until you realize your life is just one in a a timeless ocean going back way before yourself. Yes, become well read and humble. Humility is a good antidote to self-esteem issues, I believe. Few may go this route in today's consumer oriented society.

Cute, submissive, passionate and smart.

All righty then.

Moving on....

Fireman, cop, army guy.



OGIONIK, you think of people in these very superficial terms.

The girl you talk about sounds like somone in a porn movie, who is wearing a white lab coat and glasses, and a name tag that says "Rocket Scientist". Then, she rips it off and becomes either the submissive, or passionate type.

Hint....smart women aren't submissive.


Even worse, your perception of what a woman wants...someone who goes out and fights fires, gets shot at. Jesus, why would I want a man who might get killed on any given day?

Chai, dear, did you get hispanic help? :wink:

Onion, my friend, be you, and avoid women who want something else.

RH