Sweating the little stuff

I certainly recognize myself in what you wrote. I am definitely not fussy in the sense that you describe. I get so tired of a certain type of person who thinks they have to show the whole world how discriminating they are by complaining about every little thing. Often, as you say, on the level of pickles and sauce. Sometimes that sauce or unwanted item can be surprisingly good. I found out I liked capers that way. Usually it is some poor sales clerk or waiter or colleague who has to suck up their self importance. My partner has the same sort of outlook. We are both "easy to please" in a good way. That is, we definitely do not have low standards due to lack of self-esteem. It's just that it takes comparatively little to make us contented, which is good for the budget! Many "fussy" people, I suspect, were spoiled as children and encouraged to think that they are the centre of the universe, and as adults seem very materialistic, knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing, as my mother used to say.

I dont complain at least not in the public manner I think you are describing. It never gets you anywhere.

I do follow up though If I feel its warranted in kind of constructive criticism way if i'm dissatisfied with a service and or product. People/businesses cannot improve unless you tell them they are getting it wrong. Staff learn nothing from being complained at and certainly are less willing to sort out the problem if anger or aggression is used and certainly shouldnt have to put up with abuse.

If a boss abused his staff in the way I have seen customers abuse staff they would find themselves in court. I believe the same should apply to customers regardless of how right they are.

I once turfed a customer out of my dry cleaning store for being abusive to my very young Saturday staffer. I told her she never had to put up with rudeness, swearing and/or abuse. I gave full authority to refuse service and request the customer return when senior staff were available.

I'm like Contrex- the other day I asked for my hamburger with lettuce, tomato and mayonnaise and I got a hamburger with the works - catchup, pickles, and onions in addition to the lettuce, tomato and mayonnaise.

I didn't notice - my kids always take theirs and raise the bun to look at it and make sure they each are picking up the right burger- so I always just take what's left assuming it must be mine.

It was GREAT! I thought- this isn't what I ordered - but what the hell- all these years I could have been having this instead of that and left to my own devices - I'd never even have known how much I like it.

Food - I'll try anything- I'm never picky- I'm not a picky eater. If there's something that's cold I might say, "I'm sorry to bother you, but this is just a little cold - do you think you could have it heated up for me?"
But I'm never rude to waitresses or waiters because I was a waitress and I know what a physically hard and thankless (and often confusing) job it can be. 90% of their success is up to the cook. They themselves don't control a lot of what they're held accountable for.

I do use people who do their job with energy and politeness as examples to my children (one of whom worked in an ice cream store and one who works part time at home depot after school.) If someone's just rude, I'll say afterwards, "That person isn't doing her job right- you should never treat a customer like that."
I use the lady at our post office as a role model of politeness for my kids.

It's a pleasure to mail my letters - her smile- her grace- her friendliness- I look forward to seeing her.

Complain? Me?

Not really. Traffic jams bother me in the sense that I have to deal with those people who push forward and rudly cut off other cars ( Many causing accidents that I have to then stay to be a witness for) just so they can get a car length ahead in 5 mile an hour traffic.
THAT bothers me.
THAT is something I complain about.. that is a safety issue..but I dont tell everyone. Usually me and my husband have a bitch fest in the car which turns in to comedy hour and fast.

Same goes for ordering food. Unless it is delivered with table pepper spice in it, I dont really care. Table pepper hurts my stomach . I can not eat that and I will return it.
I ask for noodles and you give me rice? Cool. I can share with my daughter.
I ask for Tofu and you give me Seitan? Even better. I can take that home and have it with noodles.

Friends.. relatives? -I call you , you dont call me? Cool. Road trip. Im coming to your house.. HA!

It is so much easier to just stop worrying about everything then it is to try to make everything perfect.

I used to have a client who was the perfect example of what contrex said-
'Knows the price of everything and the value of nothing'

After working with her for almost 2 years, I made several changes in my own life that simplify my emotions, needs and requirements.
That woman scared me. And she was the perfect example of the mindless shopper and unthinking majority of people. Could , and sometimes would.. rattle off the price of something as it was falling apart , and wondering where to get another for cheaper. Everything was about cost, price, and how to get it. Family 'outings' were days at the mall, Target stores or other retail places.
But.. (shudder) i am not going to go there..


AS for clerks..
Im of the mind that they are ALLOWED to have bad days. They are ALLOWED to not greet me if they feel bad. They are human as well.
So what. They dont justify my person by their actions.
My day does not revolve around them. My life is not at the mercy of their attitude.

If they are angry.. so be it. As soon as I walk away from that counter, nothing of them matters in my life.Not even my purchase. If it is wrong, I can correct it. I will never see them again ( well.. I may.. but still.. doesn't matter) and they don't hold an important place in my world. Who cares if they sneer. I am not going to "correct" them.. sheesh.. Im not their mother for christs sake.
Im not going to 'tell the manager' unless they are extremely rude..
People are allowed to be people. Attitude and all. ( this of course does not include sexual insults or behavior, and out right rudeness..)
They dont have to bow down to me and greet me as if I am the queen of fkn Africa or something. They dont even really have to say hello. Their job is to take my order, or ring up what ever it is I am purchasing. Not kiss my feet. Not compliment my person. Not ensure that I fell good about myself . They are not dime store psychologists.
So what.

Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweatty stuff.

Contrex nailed it!

No, I don't think I am fussy in that way. In other ways, yeah, but when it comes to expecting with the Me me me attitude all the time, even my limited patience in life seems saintly compared to a lot of the people who are run into on a regular basis.

It may not be the kindest thing in the world, but I do admit to sometimes dealing and looking at those people with some on the same outlooks I've used to deal with some of the people I've worked with who are mentally challenged andor physically challenged (and coddled overprotected to the extreme).

Whatever. It helps me to want to even listen to them for a bit longer and try to help them when I can, so it's for the greater good right?

The one that tends to get under my skin the most out of the vices is those who really rough on others based on their perceived social status. "the rules don't apply for me, and you all are here to serve me and entertain me."

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No, that's the point. I don't think anyone should have to bow down to anyone - no matter which side of the counter you happen to be on.

I do think that if you're in a job - whatever it is - it's good to try to do it the best that you can. That's what I'm trying to instill in my children when I point out who's doing their job appropriately and who's doing it less than appropriately - because I am their mother - and that is part of MY job as their mother.
But I rarely respond to rudeness with rudeness - what's the point of that?

But I do believe doing the opposite is good- giving credit where credit is due. This woman at the post office might think she's doing nothing more important than handing out stamps all day - but she makes my day brighter every time I see her- and I'm sure she has that effect on everyone else who comes her way - instead of having the opposite and more negative effect of making them wish they didn't have to go to the post office - or could somehow bypass her and still get their business done.
I tell people who make my day more enjoyable that they do - even if it's just to say , "You know - it's always so nice to see you- you make shopping/eating/posting here so pleasant."


I don't think politeness is small stuff. I think either its presence or lack of presence makes a huge difference in every day life for all of us.

My fussiness in regards to eating out is based on cleanliness and the appearance of the staff. If I am satisfied there, I can tolerate food not being exactly perfect.

I try to be laid back when driving. If I detect a rivalry building between myself and another car, I turn off and give that person time to move out of the picture.

I follow the advice of Omsigdavid and carry a 44 magnum, if things don't go my way I put a hole in their soul. (there's mayo on my burger!!!! BLAM)

I've seen David interact with waiters and waitresses - he's extremely polite.

anyone can make a mistake... it's how they deal with that mistake that can make my mood fluctuate.. if I get food that needs to be changed or recooked... I will politely ask that it be done. If I get a sorry bout that let me fix it.... then all is well with the world. If a server or clerk acts like I'm a pain in the ass for bringing it up... it's on bitch.

I assume that he didn't shoot anyone. Interesting.

No, not when I was with him. I did ask him if he was "packing". He wouldn't give me a straight answer .

I always feel better when I'm with a woman who is packing at least a couple of 38's... 44's or 45's..... even better.

heh...interesting responses.

shewolf, remember when we were eating at that Thai place (me for the first time)? I ordered something coded with the "1 pepper" which mean spicy but not too much.

Ai Chihuahua! hot Hot HOT! But, we talked, I mixed a little of the food with a lot of rice, it settled down, and ended up being really good. Now, if I'd ordered that a few times before, and knew it wasn't supposed to be like that, I'd have asked for a replacement.

Sure I lodge complaints and return stuff. But, I try to address the issue at hand, not make it a "well, you must have known I was coming in here today, weren't you prepared for my presence?"

Oh...here's a funny one...

I'm on Amazon yesterday to order these biscotti Wally really likes. They're expense at the store, and I found out there were A LOT cheaper on lot.

For the hell of it, I was reading the reviews. Everyone likes them, as expected. Except, this one person gave them something like 1 or stars stars because of this....The biscotti is very good, but the cost of the shipping would have made it not worth getting. I got the free shipping, so it didn't cost me anything, but I don't think Amazon should charge shipping.

You....got....free.....shipping.....Mr. Dumas(s)

BTW, you can pretty much get free shipping on items most of the time, either because it's being offered, or if you have a free shipping code.


Anyway, I was also thinking about how fussy peoples behavior in general spills over into their relationships with other people. How, they sometimes are the ones for whom the world has to get out of their way in other respects, and it causes more anger in them when the world just doesn't reciprocate.

My ex SIL once ordered a big mac with cheese only at the drive through once. She pulled away and found she had the bun and cheese, no meat.

Just think that's a funny story, I don't know how she handled it. But she's an easy going person, I'm sure she simply went back to get what she wanted.

I bike, which means traffic is never in my way. It's the best, and in Boston the fastest, way to move about.
I don't send food back, ever. Both that and returning stuff to the store were new concepts to me when I moved here from Slovakia - we don't do that (though that's changing. I saw a TV report on how to return items when I was there over Christmas). I'll eat and drink just about anything anyway, not a picky eater.

I don't know but I've heard that 22's can do some damage too - if you're within range.

(my feeble attempt at a little reciprocal joke- trying to be polite you know...)

Marty - I had the opposite experience. I ordered a single at Wendy's and got a double- jesus - how do people eat those things? I couldn't make it through it - I saved the other meat patty and gave it to my dog when I got home.

One time I thought I had put my money in my pocket, but hadn't - went through a drive through and ordered five bucks and change worth of food. I had no money when I got to the window - not a cent...I told the guy, "I'm so sorry - I thought I had money - but I don't."
He gave it to me free.

I always remember people like that when I'm on the other side of something....and try to pass it on.

Sometimes, traffic is in my way on a bike; sometimes, I'm in the traffic's way. I have learned to avoid the latter situation at all costs.

The thread title reminded me of an expression we sometimes used (rather ominously) when I was a machinist. It was something like "Remember the small stuff we weren't going to sweat". When you hear that sentence, you just know it wasn't so small after all.