Translation of a song for the upcoming Olympiad

it's a good translation, i'm sure. but why "th' " ? It doesn't exist in english, not even in slang. You'll be better off using "the" instead of
th' "and 'and' instead of 'n', and overlook instead of o'erlook.

Disagree dagalishouis my lovely.

The song is translated the way it is to be sung. th' and o'erlook is fine in lyrics if required. I am not sure however that it is actually required in all cases. Without the accompanying music it is difficult to know

Call it poetic licence if you will. It is done to make the words fit the meter (or timing/tempo) of the individual lines in the song.

Thanks for your appreciation
I thank both of you for your encouragement and appreciation of my translation.
Dadpad is right. I was asked to limit the number of syllables in a line, beyond which they would find it difficult to sing the way they sing the Chinese words. I haven't met the 4 singers yet. I will see how they sing in order to determine where "th" must be used.
Yes, your comment and encuragement are important to me. I will tell them with confidence that the translation is good and sing as it is except where some modification must be made for technical reasons.
Thank you very much again.

Re: Translation of a song for the upcoming Olympiad


Fansy I can't imagine how hard it would be translate something from chinese to english but with the intention of helping you perfect this are some things I'd like to direct your attention to:

>From the same sun seeds of fire aglow

'aglow' is an adjective - in this sentence you need to replace that with a verb - like 'glow'

>Amongst neighbours, swords aside we cast ?'n' friends we find

Why can't 'amongst' be 'among' and 'swords aside we cast' be 'we cast aside swords'

> set the pigeons a-flight

Try a more glamorous, inspiring bird - maybe 'eagles'

>passion burst on th' Great Wall with melodies light

'Passion burst' and 'melodies light' set up contrasting images maybe 'fanfares bright' would make more sense?

>From all corners of th' world comes the same prayer
Maybe substitute 'prayer' with 'hope' or 'vision' - atheists are a touchy bunch.

The other thing that struck me is you have to start seeing what it's like to actually sing. For example 'hatred out' is tough on the tongue at speed because of the succession of 'T' 'D' 'T' sounds.

These are only thoughts. Sometimes the best translations are so far from literal to be unrecognisable except in spirit.

Best of luck to you.