Dining out with friends: How to handle the check

Agree on the plan before anyone orders anything.

Works best that way.

I'm of the split it equally ilk, some peeps will take advantage some won't, so it goes; life is a lot like that ( I did not have the Flambe Bananas Foster) I only had some flan.

with friends, it's usually pay what you ordered...

but when we treat a co-worker to lunch, we split it evenly.

if there's a big tip with leftover $$, whoever ordered less pockets the extra dough...

with the folks, it's always a battle over who treats who...

I voted for each individual paying for what they actually consumed. Especially if it's clear in advance that some participants are less well off financially (& will probably adjust their meal choices to their budget) than others. I sympathize with your vegetarian friend (having been a vegetarian for a long time & experienced similar dilemmas). Thing is, the vego curry doesn't cost nearly the same as the seafood extravaganza, say nothing of the rest of the available meat/vego options. But it's probably advisable to establish the paying arrangements before the night out, rather than when the bill actually arrives. THAT could ruin a terrific evening!
In more "equal" situations, just split the bill!

I've bean really burned on this issue in the past, burned vera badly to the point of paying for someone else's meal totally; I've also had peeps blame others for not paying their share when they indeed did pay their share and more but they wanted the extra to cover their own expense; so it goes....

Yes, msolga, that's pretty much how I see it too. Although, of course, the best solution is what ehbeth said.

In most cases though, I tend to be on the side of the people who want to figure out their own tab and just pay for what they had. It seems unfair that they should pay more just because it's easier to figure out that way.

Ask for separate checks.

These meals out could be a real test of friendship! :wink:

Really, all that's required is a bit of sensitivity to others' circumstances: I've sometimes paid for a friend's meal when they're broke & I'm flush .... & been shouted my meal by friends when the going has been a bit tough for me. I suppose a lot depend on what sort of company you dine with. :wink:

I have asked the waiter to split the check before. If the check is split down the middle and I feel that I have paid less than my fair share, then I'll offer to cover the tip

Oh god kicky, I hate these situations.

my initial reaction is to say just split the check up equally.

But...if you order one of the cheapest things on the menu, it may not be entirely because of being a vegetarian...some items without meat can still get pricy. Plus, if I had 1, or 2 drinks at the most, and on top of that a beer, I really wouldn't want to pay for the 5 or 6 expensive drinks 1 or more other people had.

question, was ling-ling one of the big drinkers/prime rib eaters? Have mr and mrs boing boing gotten stuck like this before?

I don't drink, but when I eat with a group of people, I don't go out of my way to order either the cheapest or the most expensive item. Ususally I really want the meal that middle-of-the road. Most of the time, the most expensive stuff doesn't even appeal to me....like lobster (shudder)

That said, when I'm ordering I'll glance at what the meal cost, let's say $20, and so when the check comes I'll toss in $30, since I ordered an ice tea, and there's tax, and I'd figure 20% tip. I personally look at it that if you can afford to lose a few bucks in exchange for good company, stay home (like if my meal was $16 or $17 I'm not going to get my panties in a twist over 3, 4 or 5 bucks.

That said, it always seems with a large group, that you've tossed in your money, feeling fair, and even generous, and all the money comes up $30-$40 short. Usually I would say that shortage has to do with people not realizing how much they drank, or underestimating what the drink cost.

I don't like to talk about money when the check comes, it's just gauche....but, if someone was insistant (and was maybe drunk and volatile) I put in another, let's say $20, and no one else, being tipsy, was ponying up, I'd probably take out my wallet, toss in a $20 and make a mental note ling ling is an asshole when drunk.

I'd have lost $20, but would know for future reference not to let it happen again.

Well, with our friends, we take turns paying the whole thing, but if there are 8 of us, I believe we all just split it. I do understand, however, if someone's a bit low on $$ or if they truly didn't consume as much - like ehbeth said, work it out first or ask for separate cheques. Sometimes they don't like doing that, but too bad.

I don't think it needs to be cause for such upset, though - that was a bit silly. She could just say, "We prefer to pay for our own meal, but the rest of you can do your thing."

The other thing that causes some problems is how much each person wants to tip - you know, you get some cheapos and some extravantos...

In most groups I eat with, it is split the damn thing evenly (or we kind of roughly in turns pick it all up). This is occasionally discussed, and amicably changes if, for example, some folk had really expensive wine, or ate a lot more expensive things.

Those of us who have more money often quietly pay more without saying anything (ie we do the maths, and organise the money, and quietly lie...one of my friends who is making twice as much as the rest of us is renowned for paying the whole bill before anyone realises...though we watch her now!!!)


One group (more a friend's friends than my friends) are like Scrooges. (All quite wealthy women!) I recall a birthday lunch, where various cards people had meant all the food was half-price...and two bottles of wine were complimentary. These ####'s argued and haggled down to the last cent...took over half an hour....I found it utterly disgusting. I never wanted to see them again. I made way less than them at that time, and I got so sick of the bitching I quietly put an extra twenty in (they were going over the bill for the n'th time because we were $15 short) just to be able to get away!


I think your friend who got cross because the other friend wanted to pay only for what she had consumed is daft for letting a minor irritation get in the way of a friendship, though. I bet there are other irritations between te two.

I was always of the belief that you just split it up even until my husband and I went out with a couple that ordered a $60 bottle of wine. My husband and I don't drink and we ordered iced teas. When the bill came the other husband picked it up and said well "let's make it easy and go 50/50". The wine was 1/3rd of the bill. So I said "50/50 is fine, if you folks don't include the wine in our 50". They looked a little surprised, but didn't argue. Since then, I usually ask the server to do separate checks (individual or for couples} at the time we place our orders. Many restaurants now have an automated system that makes it easy.

My answer is, "it depends".

If you all order similarly with only bit difference here and there, and no one is in present time dire straits, split the damned thing. My long time girlfriend group always did that. One dessert, one more glass of wine - over the years.. it evens out, fuggedabout it.

If one person has a small salad and some tea and the rest of the table shares several bottles of wine, have goodly entrees and desserts, Small Salad Person shouldn't have to fund the rest, wallet stricken or not. I've been the salad person, wallet stricken, at a school function and that was a situation I (then) didn't want to speak up in. That affected dinner the rest of the week. Well, y'all know me now, Ms. Say It Like It Is, I likely wouldn't be so quiet. But, looking back, I probably should have said something before ordering to the group as a whole, should I have gotten a word in edgewise. Then again, should I have to if it was that obvious? What are they, clods?

Third situation, when everybody orders differently - everybody look at the check for what they ate, their part of the tax, and appropriate tip. Given a sane group, if a little money is missing, someone will fork over, preferably not the same someone each time.

Oh, I like separate checks, if that can happen - can be tricky with a larger group.

More than clods, osso. Completely insensitive & self-absorbed.

Re: Dining out with friends: How to handle the check


I feel the need to say something in the defense of Boing-Boing. :wink:

Thing is, this is probably the 65th such episode (as a vegetarian) she's experienced in the past year! Maybe she'd just had enough of grinning & putting up with it? First, her choice of dinner was probably limited compared to what was available to the meat eaters. Often the case in restaurants which don't specialize in vegetarian food. I've eaten some pretty crumby token vego "cuisine" when I was a vegetarian, I can tell you. It comes with the territory. For some reason some restaurants think so long as there are vegetables in your dish that that's all that matters. And you're hardly going to cause a scene about it, are you? OK. So she & her husband spent less on the food & much less on booze. Why shouldn't they pay less? And why wouldn't their other friends be aware of the cost disparities? Sounds like they've known each other for a while. Boing-Boing probably simply assumed that this would be taken into account when the bill turned up. A mistake. No matter how well she knew the folk she was eating out with, she should have worked out what is a perfectly reasonable cost-paying arrangement beforehand.

Yes to both questions.

Aha! Ongoing "issues"! :wink:

I always have this problem when I go out to eat with people. I don't drink alcohol and I don't drink coffee and I don't eat much beef or seafood. I'm a cheap date... If we split the bill I end up having to pay almost double the cost of the food I ordered to subsidize everyone else's meal. I learned to ask for a separate bill when the waiter/waitress comes to take my order. That way there is no more dispute or hard feelings.