I have a seriously homesick husband...lol

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I don't know what to do with him........he has me in a semi-panic mode. Anytime now, I expect him to load up and flee the state screaming like his hair is on fire....

What do I do with him?

You see, he moved first. He made the move without us in Febuary of 07', and lived down here in an apartment with two other men till he moved us down here in July.

Since then, we have met some nice people, have seen everything there is to do in this area, and have done some of it. And just about every 4 to six weeks we go home for a week or so to visit, tend to our home there, and spend time on our lease hunting, or cooking out & of course with our friends and family there.

But here, its just not the same. The area we live in has no mountains, no creeks to explore, the people we know on hunting leases aren't sending invitations out to join, and the only wooded area we can explore...we've already done so to the point we are bored with it, beside a 9 square mile area of National forest doesn't take long to explore.

Also, we went from having 20 acres (combined with family) for our kids to ride four wheelers and build forts, dig holes..etc, went to not even an acre that is fenced in. And I there are no places to turn them loose to run wild in.....

So, what do ya do with a homesick husband?

We aren't musuem, theater, art, library types.......we are get out in the woods, explore, hunt, fish, camp...arrowhead hunting, crawdaddy fishin', cookin' out kind of people that never spent much time watching tv, because we were too busy outside doing something other than than being couch potatoes....

And oh yeah, we've explored all the flea markets, antique markets we can find.....

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Oh oh, I have seen this phenomenon. It is a tough one.

I'll be back.

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Amigo wrote:

Quote:

Oh oh, I have seen this phenomenon. It is a tough one.

HA!

Seriously, I don't know what to do to appease him. We have till June for our lease to be up here, and I have made the suggestion to him to just let it be till June. We'll deal with it......

Every weekend, it seems the homesicknes grows worse......but of course, thats when he's at home also.....I tried to point out that I am here EVERYDAY, and homeschooling our children to boot.

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It sounds like you're all homesick! Is moving back not an option?

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Freeduck wrote:

Quote:

It sounds like you're all homesick! Is moving back not an option?

Ohhh, we are all homesick. I try not to convey that too much to him though, because I now realize how homesick he is, which just makes it worse on all of us.

And yeah, we can go back home tommorrow if we wanted. We'd just have to take care of the lease in one way or the other, and our house is sitting there empty and clean, so that wouldn't be a problem.

I think the thing that bothers me so much, is there aren't job opportunities like this in Arkansas. He will not find another job that pays as well as this one does. I don't want him to get down the road some six months later and regret giving this one up for one that pays half as much for the same work.

And we've had that talk also..lol I don't keep much from him, or let things just build. I'm very upfront, open and opinionated (poor feller)so he knows how I feel about it.

I just wish I knew what to do to help ease the homesickness to the point it would be a little more bearable to all of us, especially him. Because this is something that we've got to do, plain and simple. We made the choice to move down here, we've gotta deal with it......

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makemeshiver33 wrote:

Amigo wrote:

Quote:
Oh oh, I have seen this phenomenon. It is a tough one.

HA!

Seriously, I don't know what to do to appease him. We have till June for our lease to be up here, and I have made the suggestion to him to just let it be till June. We'll deal with it......

Every weekend, it seems the homesicknes grows worse......but of course, thats when he's at home also.....I tried to point out that I am here EVERYDAY, and homeschooling our children to boot.

I really do have experience with this.

First off you should check out recreation maps of that area. The closest fishing area.

Remote control planes for the kids. You would be suprised how good this works and it's about 35$ a plane for the "airhogs". This gives the family a reason to go out to a big open space in the car.

I KNOW there is something in that area that you need to see that you haven't seen yet.

Find out what the single most "must see" spot is in that area and go see it just so you can say you've seen it.

Inless of course it is around a bunch of people. I am not to fond of being around a bunch of people. I just like my friends and family. You guys seem to be like me that way.

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Would it be possible to stop the trips back home?

It seems to me that those trips are bad in a couple of ways: 1) you aren't really settling into the new place properly; and 2) getting the reminders of home.

You need to give the new place a 100% try, with no back and forths.

Spend the extra time in the area searching for housing that would meet your needs better, invite folks from back home up for an occasional visit, get the boys into sports activities that require you to be as busy as you were before.

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Oh, not just the boys.

Both of you need to put some effort into getting involved in the community. That may initially mean being involved in something that doesn't thrill you - but you'll start to develop a new set of acquaintances.

MMS, you and the boys in particular need to be getting out and about, getting to know the community. The boys will have their sports, you need something of your own - not related to the boys, your house, your family, home-schooling.

You need to give the community a chance, give yourself a chance to like it, become part of it.

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MMS, is there a hunt club, fish and game club, something like that in your new neck of the woods? Maybe if you could find a group that enjoys the same sort of activities locally that would help. And once people got to know you they might invite you to join them when hunting on their property. At the least it would be a social outlet.

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Amigo wrote:

Quote:

I really do have experience with this.

First off you should check out recreation maps of that area. The closest fishing area.

Did this already, and we've visited all the recreation areas we are interested in. Besides,....one of the areas you can't park your vehicle because you'll come back to find it striped. We were warned about that real quick after moving here. And I've seen them sitting there striped. So we know thats true.....So if you can't leave your vehicle out of your sight, lol whatta ya do then?

Quote:

Remote control planes for the kids. You would be suprised how good this works and it's about 35$ a plane for the "airhogs". This gives the family a reason to go out to a big open space in the car.

Thats a good idea. What we had been doing is going to the industrial park where my husband works. (I know...doesn't sound great) But in front of his plant where he works, they have this HUGE pond that is landscaped, concrete sidewalk that surrounds it, with a huge canopied area, lighted and all....its beautiful.

We were going everyday and walking in the mornings.

This Christmas, the boys got spinners and I was planning on taking them every morning and allowing them to skate, while I walked. But the new car I just bought four months ago, which has been in the shop twice already.....now has a rod knocking. (I'm sooo PISSED)

So...in two weeks, we are going home to take the car back, and they are going to either give me another one, or going to get to eat that lemon. So I'm hoping they have some tequilla and salt handy.....

With my vehicle being down, that has left my husband truck which is a single cab to drive all four of us. (tight fight, and highly illegal not to mention not safe) And I'm too frugile to get up in the mornings to bring the truck back home and waste gas........lol

Quote:

I KNOW there is something in that area that you need to see that you haven't seen yet.

I'm sure your'e right.....

Quote:

Find out what the single most "must see" spot is in that area and go see it just so you can say you've seen it.

Inless of course it is around a bunch of people. I am not to fond of being around a bunch of people. I just like my friends and family. You guys seem to be like me that way.

See, like you that is one of our problems also. We enjoy crowds if in the middle of concerts or fairs...I'm a people person.(I get a big kick out of watching people) But we'd rather be in the woods exploring, picking up rocks, on creeks picking up rocks/artifacts and driftwood.......riding through the mountains....sitting out in a big field at night listening to the coyotes and watching stars kicked back drinking a cold beer...lol

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Ehbeth wrote:

Quote:

Would it be possible to stop the trips back home?

It seems to me that those trips are bad in a couple of ways: 1) you aren't really settling into the new place properly; and 2) getting the reminders of home.

You need to give the new place a 100% try, with no back and forths.

Spend the extra time in the area searching for housing that would meet your needs better, invite folks from back home up for an occasional visit, get the boys into sports activities that require you to be as busy as you were before.

Yeah, it would be possible to stop the trips back home. We haven't been home since Thanksgiving. When we were there, I told him that exact thing. That we were going to have to stop coming back and forth so much. We even spent Christmas here without family, which we made it just fine....

Besides, each trip back home is basically at a cost of $800-1000 dollars for a week. By the time we spend gas for both ways, gas for trips there, and grocery's, and whatever is needed at the house, its costly. That was one of my reasons for not going home so often, was to save it instead....

And I've suggested that also, about finding a different house, a different area. He semi-sorta agreed with me, thought that it might be a good idea. But we've driven around within a 40 mile radius of this area and there just aren't any with alot of property attached. (within our price range) We don't want to get to far away from his work, because the cost of gas would eat us up....there are days he has to go back and forth to work more than once.

Ehbeth wrote:

Quote:

Oh, not just the boys.

Both of you need to put some effort into getting involved in the community. That may initially mean being involved in something that doesn't thrill you - but you'll start to develop a new set of acquaintances.

MMS, you and the boys in particular need to be getting out and about, getting to know the community. The boys will have their sports, you need something of your own - not related to the boys, your house, your family, home-schooling.

You need to give the community a chance, give yourself a chance to like it, become part of it.

I've started more than once to get the boys into martial arts, but one doesn't want too, the other does. (not that they both have too) They are both into archery, and I need/ would like to find an archery club for them....(need to put that on my to-do list)

Right now, with one vehicle...I'm somewhat limited. Thats the reason behind this next trip home....to get my car taken care of....Which would help, we want to go to the Gulf, and we want to go to Florida.....We like to go to the Bass Pro Shop in Montgomery...lol, which we've done several times.....

Tai Chi wrote:

Quote:

MMS, is there a hunt club, fish and game club, something like that in your new neck of the woods? Maybe if you could find a group that enjoys the same sort of activities locally that would help. And once people got to know you they might invite you to join them when hunting on their property. At the least it would be a social outlet.

You know, we've asked around, and usually the answer we get is, "Yeah..I'm in a hunting club, its great..its this/that......and ends with... but we aren't accepting members right now.." Which means, we don't allow people we don't know into them. We know how that works, because we are in one in Arkansas...lol

We've had some tell us.."Hey, ya'll oughta come down to our lease this weekend, and we'll look for arrowheads, etc.." It boils down to polite conversation and is forgotten......

It just seems that I've hit on every angle possible, and still can't get him (and I guess myself) over feeling so homesick.

I do like this area, there is everything in the world to do if your'e into shopping, eating out or college sports. But we aren't.....

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Well, you're southeast of Alabama, how far is it to the Gulf? Maybe
get a little boat and get out on the water, rent some jet ski and have some
fun there. Explore the marine life.

Hey look, you can join the "Rocketry Society" and build your own
rocket with your kids. Wouldn't that be fun? http://www.sears572.com/

How far is Lake Eufaula from you? http://www.lakeeufaula.info/Nav4.asp

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makemeshiver33 wrote:

See, like you that is one of our problems also. We enjoy crowds if in the middle of concerts or fairs...I'm a people person.(I get a big kick out of watching people) But we'd rather be in the woods exploring, picking up rocks, on creeks picking up rocks/artifacts and driftwood.......riding through the mountains....sitting out in a big field at night listening to the coyotes and watching stars kicked back drinking a cold beer...lol .

There is no way to replace these areas and these types of activities in these areas. 90% of the population have no idea what they are missing. Your problem is you are looking for a replacment for something that cannot be replaced because it is better that anything. It is better then.......Disneyland (Chololand).

Like I said, I have seen this phenomenon and it is a bad one because there is no cure for being home Crying or Very sad

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Take your boys to the botanical garden - that's a good school lesson
for them as well http://www.dabg.com/

Did you go to the Adventureland already? http://www.adventurelandthemepark.com/

There is a hiking trail society http://www.alabamatrail.com/

Here is another website http://www.outdooralabama.com/

Lots of things to do.

Perhaps, in order to make more friends and get out more, you could
volunteer at your local school, church, hospital or other places in need
of volunteers.

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I have empathy but not as much sympathy as possible. I was wrenched around as a child, though I mostly had my parents with me, so it wasn't as wrenching as some people deal with. At an older age I live in the high desert and miss, claustrophobically miss, the Pacific Ocean, which I've nearly always been near, though I've gained in living here and am glad I do.

I agree with CJane, or was it ehBeth, re the not going back all the time. Give the new place more of a chance. You still have the old one. Give the new one much more of a go. Open your eyes. Get involved. There is beauty everywhere. Look further than everything you've always done before now.

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Amigo wrote:

Quote:

There is no way to replace these areas and these types of activities in these areas. 90% of the population have no idea what they are missing. Your problem is you are looking for a replacment for something that cannot be replaced because it is better that anything. It is better then.......Disneyland (Chololand).

You hit the nail on the head! BINGO.......(ding ding ding ding, we have a winner)

Yep, we can't replace what we had at home, can't find it here anywhere. And I think that has a whole lot to do with the homesick blues.....I remember our first trip into the Nat'l forest, we were so excited to have found some woods that we could venture off into...lol, and poof.....we were in one side and out the other in no time. We have run those roads over and over again, looking to see if we've missed something, but haven't.

I'm glad to see someone else that loves being out and about like that. People that have been raised up in the cities (not knockin' it) really don't understand my fascination with it.......lol

Calamity Jane wrote:

Quote:

Take your boys to the botanical garden - that's a good school lesson
for them as well http://www.dabg.com/

Did you go to the Adventureland already? http://www.adventurelandthemepark.com/

There is a hiking trail society http://www.alabamatrail.com/

Here is another website http://www.outdooralabama.com/

Lots of things to do.

Perhaps, in order to make more friends and get out more, you could
volunteer at your local school, church, hospital or other places in need
of volunteers.

I will use your links, and see what I can come up with...Thank you for searching.....(I've been to the Alabama outdoor link, its a good one)

Ossobuco wrote:

Quote:

I agree with CJane, or was it ehBeth, re the not going back all the time. Give the new place more of a chance. You still have the old one. Give the new one much more of a go. Open your eyes. Get involved. There is beauty everywhere. Look further than everything you've always done before now.

I agree. I'm kinda outnumbered on my end though....

I had done made up my mind when we come back from Thanksgiving that the next trip I made anywhere was going to be to the Gulf whether the husband come or not. I've traveled half this country over without anyone with me except the kids, so why would a few hours to the Gulf stop me. (But my vehicle had a different idea)

I'm also thinking....my vehicle has been out of commission since the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, we just happen to be at home when it went capoot. It went to the shop, we made the trip home...and left it behind.

My car arrived here via family about two weeks later, and was driven two times and now I have a rod knocking. But I feel like the car being out of commission is to blame as well.

We could all travel and get out and about here to go and do things. (not in the woods) With the car not being used, we are very limited, thus I feel has some to do with the homesickness, because we have been cooped up here for over a month now. We kinda take turns getting to go...lol And with the hours my husband works.........I'm limited in that aspect also.

I think if we get my car fixed or traded, maybe things will ease up some.

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I'm all for that. You might not all like the water right away, or you might..

but it's not really blank and boring. If you go back without experiencing it, oh, and not just for x hours, you may then make it a new kind of nirvana to miss.

Breathe in, explore over time.

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I wrote:

Quote:

I had done made up my mind when we come back from Thanksgiving that the next trip I made anywhere was going to be to the Gulf whether the husband come or not. I've traveled half this country over without anyone with me except the kids, so why would a few hours to the Gulf stop me. (But my vehicle had a different idea)

I wrote this so freely that I didn't even stop to think until I had posted it...but I don't know if I'm capable of doing that by myself now or not.

I don't know whether I've mentioned it or not, but back in March my kids and I had made this trip with my S-I-L and niece to come down here for a visit, and to find us housing....

Well, we weren't 30 minutes from arriving and got the pleasure of being in a head on collision at 55 mph.

To say we were lucky to have lived through it, would be an understatment! There was 5 of us in her vehicle and one dear older lady in the other that hit us. Out of the 6 of us, 4 of us were transported to the hospital via ambulance. Me and my youngest son being two of them.

My younger son had a lacerated eye lid, and severe bruising across his hips from the seatbelt and it made it difficult for him to walk, and urinate for days....

They thought my bladder was busted and my shoulder broke. Luckily neither were as they thought. But I was bruised across my breast, hips, and inner thighs from my knees up to my hips for over 6 months afterwards. Had burns from the airbags, and gun powder residue from head to toe.....I had hell! I got to lay flat on my back for three days in a hotel after being released because I couldn't sit up or muchless walk. Then it took us three days to get home from here to Arkansas. We couldn't ride for long periods of time because of the pain......My husband was having to get me up out of the bed, walk me to the shower, undress me, bathe me, and redress me, then put me back into the bed...

My SIL had a broke arm, and my niece....they thought had broken her back, but luckily her jaw was the only thing messed up.

We were a sight............my oldest son was the only one that didn't have any injuries...not even a scratch.

But....I still have this fear that wells up in me bigtime, if I'm out and about by myself. I drove back to Arkansas a couple of months ago with my sister and my boys, and by the time we got there I had callous's worked up on my hands from gripping the steering wheel.....white knuckle driving the whole way........

So, Thats my nervous disorder at the moment...lol Its hard to get over...

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MMS--

Obviously now that you're far from home you're a target for every dear, sweet old lady who happens to have a senior moment behind the wheel.

You know all about getting up and dusting yourself off (and soothing the kids) and getting back up on the horse that threw you.

That horse won't stand still right now?

Are you sure?

You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy.

Workable wheels seem to be a good place to start. I know very little about cars beyond the price of gas, but can you work with the Arkansas dealer through a local dealer?

Consider giving culture a try. A trip to a museum or art gallery would fit in with home schooling. I'm a great believer in exposing kids to new experiences both for the value of the experience and for teaching them that exploration is a Good Idea.

Good luck.

I have a seriously homesick husband...lol

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