A step beyond self help books?

I find self help books boring.

Years back, I've picked up ones here and there on the suggestion of others, and my basic response has always been "Tell me something I didn't already know"

I think they are attractive to people who want a quick fix, like "How to obtain spiritual enlightenment is 4 simple steps"

I've personally experienced more growth through reading favorite authors.

I do enjoy self help books that tell me how to stain a conrete patio, or identify drought tolerant plants.

I agree Chai...I think self help books really are for people who are wanting to see a change quickly. And most things we need help with (dieting, finance, etc...) comes from making life changes. And most of the time that just ain't gonna happen in three steps. What is that saying? If it sounds too good to be true it probably is. I think that is what I have come to believe. Self Help books may light a fire to make you want to make changes but it takes a lot more than just reading them to actually make those changes work. Self-discipline being the main thing...and you can't get that from reading a book.

I do love Do It Yourself books as well. That kind of thing really is quite helpful. We built our screen porch and our raised garden by using those.

I find reading things that I am interested in, like raising kids, can be done best when I read several different ones. I never agree with them totally - but I find a snippet here and there that I can use - or that give me a good idea for guidance. I come up with my own philosophy and what works best for me and my brood.

To be honest, it's been a long time since I've looked in the self help section of a book store, but there is one thing that almost always jumped out at me regarding the subject matter. Most of them seemed to be written to help a person change into something I personally wouldn't want to be anyway.

A lot of them were about becoming more dynamic, more driven to succeed, faster, more intense, etc. Not attributes I really aspire to.

Then, amusingly, are the self help books that help you learn to be more serene because of the stress of being more dynamic, driven to succeed, faster, more intense, etc.

I read Wayne Dyer's Your Erroneous Zones in 1976 when it first came out. I found the book to be a useful way to escape negative thinking. In my opinion it is Dyer's best book, even though he has come out with numerous books since then.

you know, there's something about dyer I find extremely annoying.

I'm pretty sure I read your erroneous zone....I seem to remember the message I got from that was,

"Find some balls and stand up for yourself"

That'll be $14.95 please.

I take paypal.


If you prefer to just use those last 3 sentences as your signature line, that'll only be $8.95.

Your Erroneous Zones was not at all like that, Chai. Maybe you are thinking of a later book by Dyer.

Erroneous Zones explains how certain emotions come directly from your own thinking. It explains how to break free from negative thought patterns.

(I did not find any of Dyer's later books to be helpful but I only looked at a few of the later ones.)

I have a place in my life for old-fashioned adventure stories where Wrong Fails and Right Prevails.

Heroism can be very soothing to contemplate.

absolutely Noddy! Need that too!

I do not believe in self help books. I do think reading basic psychology books can help us understand our relationships and our own behaviors better. For example knowing the basic stages of grief can help somewhat in ciping.

PArenting books help me. A book by Barbara Coloraso " Kids are worth it, giving them the gift of inner discipline has changed my parenting philosophy forever" I do n not believe in tokens, rewardsand punishments anymore.

I'm currently reading numerous books on communication. I find that the more recently written books are much better than the older books in terms of understanding and explaining cause and effect during communication.

In them, I am not exactly looking for 'skills', or 'tools' to improve my ability to communicate.

I am looking for awareness - awareness of myself, my beliefs, values, opinions etc that effect how I communicate...and I'm looking for awareness of the other people (awareness as far as I can see, is the single biggest piece of the puzzle that goes towards improving anyones ability to communicate well). I have also been trying to 'join the dots' between all the books, so I find in many instances that I don't agree with what is being said, and other places where I do, and certain places where I find another piece of a jigsaw puzzle.

The books that impressed me the most that I have read include :

-Awareness, by Anthony De Mello
-Leadership and Self Deception, by Arbinger Institute (an incomplete/flawed book, but very worthwhile)
-The 7 Powers of Questions by Dorothy Leeds
-Any decent book on listenning
-Creating Harmonious Relationships : A Pratical Guide to the Power of True Empathy, by Andrew LeCompte
-Crucial Conversations, by Kerry Patterson and others

Have I benefitted from reading these? From my perspective, absolutely. I haven't miraculously become a communications expert, and nor have I suddenly been able to adopt all the advice and skills they espouse...but I have found a changing attitude, a mellowing towards others, a somewhat greater curiousity, and a greater ability to analyse my own contribution.

Unfortunately I'm still terrible at storytelling (well, I guess I have years to improve that), and I haven't started on motivation or anything like that yet.

Perhaps someone will find the above useful