Unhappy

material girl, just take one moment at a time, one day at a time.

What in particular is bothering you right now?

Everything, money, health, the future or lack of it, work, social life.

Its like ball of absolute sickness eating away at my insides.

Those sound like the usual things that get people down. Why not start with your health. Maybe you're suffering from depression and need to see a doctor.
Sometimes it's just matter of getting the right meds to help make those connections in the brain work well (for lack of a better description.)

Then, you can start on one specific thing at a time.

Health can bring work, which brings money, which brings a future and from there maybe a social life.

Doctors have never been helpful.
I feel like I dont deserve any help, like im worthless ad everybody else deserves everything good.

Then try another doctor.
If that doctor doesn't help, try another. And another.

It's your life! You've only got one chance at this.

Of course, you deserve help. You deserve to have the best life that you can possibly have.

You need to find a psychiatrist and a therapist that can work together to help you. The right meds combined with the right kind of therapy can work miracles. But you have to commit to trying - sometimes it takes awhile.

Don't give up on yourself.

Material Girl--

You've spent another long, hot summer spinning your wheels. Of course you feel down and droopy.

Happycat is right about getting professional help--you've been battling gloom on and off ever since we met on A2K. It isn't "normal" to feel that you're not worth helping--it is dangerous.

Come on over to the diet thread. All of the bulky regulars are planning an assault on sloth and flab. Get out and take yourself for a walk--exercise helps depression. Where is your trampoline?

We care, Material Girl.

Material Girl my life sucks too.

2 choices. work through it or end it. If you work through it things may be okay. If you end it then you go to the lake of fire.

That God's a real sport isn't he?

Everyone, at some point in their life, thinks that their life sucks.

Then it gets better.

Then it sucks again.

Then it gets better again.

With some people it's on an hourly basis, and others it's day by day or week by week.

material girl, you're no different than anyone else. There is a doctor and a therapist out there that can help you....you just have to do some legwork.

BiPolar Bear - You come across as a strong person and I have no doubt that you'll work things out and come out fine in the end.

Mat,

Post back soon.

Even if you still feel like ****, and haven't gone to a doc.

Even letting us in on the shittiness factor is good for the soul. Better than carrying it alone.

And on a side note, I find you charming hilarious and wonderful..even when you don't feel worthy.

So there!

I think we need a Shittiness Factor Scale 1 thru 10.....10 being Disgustingly Shitty and 1 being Almost Odorless.

This morning was a definate 10, now a 9.
I hate having the same things go through my head, I have such a great memory to remember crap and make it worse and worse in my head.
I have real 'phobias' about life stuff which basically mean no future.

Nobody seems to understand how I feel, I dont even feel like I can talk to my friends, they wont understand.
Im not after sympathy, just a bit of understanding would be nice.
Im not begruding them anything good they have but I cant beleieve they cant realise how unhappy I am not to have the basics.And its all my fault, Im my own worst enemy.
I hate being me.

God I talk rubbish, even my posts annoy me.

I had every intention to exercise last week, to get oof my arse and at least go for a walk but nope, I talked myself out of it.

Hey, MG -- I'm sorry you're feeling worthless. You know and I know you aren't really worthless, but I know you feel that way. It's too easy to sit across the ocean and give you an armchair diagnosis, but it does seem like some real depression has set in. If you've tried doctors for physical ailments and they didn't help, maybe the source of the ailments were more emotional than physical. Not to say that the physical ramifications aren't real -- they are very, very real -- but sometimes the trigger to the physical ailments are stress, hormonal, or psychological in nature.

MG, I don't know that you do or don't have clinical depression. I do know that clinical depression isn't something where you pull yourself up by the bootstraps and just get over on your own. You don't have to feel this way. You can get help. This downhill spiral can become an uphill climb resulting in greater self-esteem, a better self-image, and a more positive outlook.

Let's look at just one of the things on your list -- social. Do you feel like staying in your room and find yourself avoiding your friends and social opportunities? At the same time, do you wonder why it seems like your friends don't care about you? Oftentimes people who are clinically depressed give off body language (and sometimes actual words) that scream, "Leave me alone!" and then feel sad that no one is reaching out to them. Can you relate to this at all?

Ah, we cross posted. MG -- I've heard these exact words from my daughter. Maybe I don't understand how you feel but she would. She started taking anti-depressants a few months ago. They don't make her happy, as in giddy, goofy, or otherwise not her own self. They simply allow her to not be depressed. Those who don't suffer with depression can't know the feeling. We can imagine we do, but we don't. That's why your friends aren't the solution. Professional help is.

Watching one's life, more like one is watching a movie, can sometimes make one realize that one is more interesting a person than previously thought.

Once we realize we're all interesting people, we can be less critical of ourselves/our lives, and think more friendly thoughts about ourselves.

Just a lay person's thoughts. No advice here. Just what I've mused over.

I used to go out quite a bit then as people settled down my usual haunt became a ghost town so I stopped going.

I dont consider myself to be particularly interesting so I wouldnt want to inflict myself on anyone hence i dont suggest going places as then id be seen like the host and Id have to do the entertaining.

I suppose as I feel like I cant contribute to any grown up situation I may give off the impression that I dont want to be included, I do, but i just cant join in.

My brothers on tablets for depression so i dont think its fair on my parents to have 2 kids on anti depressants.
Plus, and i know this sounds silly.If I take time off of work to go to the doctors ( I have another reason to go)my parents may find out and they will over react.Id hate telling them I was going beforehand as again they will over react which makes me feel even more self consciuos.I know its because they care but their reaction puts me off.

Again mor excuse, I just feel so claustrophobic.

MG -- I don't understand your concern about two children on tablets being unfair to your parents. Do you mean financially unfair because they would be paying the cost?

As to not going to the doctor because they might find out... why is risking your health a better alternative than having your parents find out that you need help?

i used to think alot like that, and coming from a broken home, abject poverty, abusive and negligent parents, both alcoholics, mother who did crack, meth and was later on a call girl,a dad who would literally beat me for nothing,and after almost all of my female relatives have been molested or abused, my brother died in my arms on his 9th birthday, i grew up in the skid row of las vegas,i didnt have any friends because i was white, my lazy eye was horrible when i was younger and it kept me from having confidence to get a girlfriend, even if girls wanted to date me,all my "friends" growing up were gangsters,i hang out with girls 13-14 years old who deal crack, i could go on and on, about **** like that.

Then i was like, thats where im from, not who i am. you can either let things get you down or adapt and overcome.

Ive got good things in my life but they dont seem like enough.
I have a career now as well as a job, i have great friends, food on the table, a roof over my head but none of it makes me feel good.

Im aware that multiple pairs of shoes dont make a person happy.I am aware that seeing a bird up close or a random act of kindness is a million times better than the latest mobile phone.

Oh, Im bored of myself now.

Do you want to go to the doctor? For that other thing, and maybe this too?

Imagining that all the obstacles were out of the way for now and taken care of.