Mon 14 Nov, 2011 03:20 pm
Me and my husband has been married for 4 years, we dated 2 years and then I found that I had our first kid so we decided to get marry. He is known as a family guy and does show a lot of care to the family. He text me a lot before or after marriage, we are in touch most of the time and I can never imagine he will do something behind me and his daughter.
I'm now pregnant with our second child, and is due in a month. Just few nights ago, I accidentally find out a weird email sent to his email, I have all of his password and he has all mine too, I would said he is the person I trust the most in the world before i found out that weird email few nights ago. The email asked my husband not to text her anymore because she is going to sleep and the phone will be charged next to her husband. Then i found it very weird and i tried to look at some chat history but there's nothing i can found, fortunately, i was able to find another email in the trash folder, saying that she is missing him every min and every sec and asked if he does the same too or only think about that things, now my guts told me there's something going on between this woman and him. He was drunk and already sleep when i did all these research, just while I was checking the trash folder, she IM him, then I pretended i was my husband and chat with her, I told her I was drunk and she said don't tell me that, hate it, there's some heat coming from her stomach. I found it very weird but i wasn't able to chat with her anymore because she said her husband was coming out from the shower.
Then I looked at my husband's phone and try to see if I can find any message but he deleted all the chat history with her BUT I was able to find some images that she sent to him under some hidden folder. And Gosh! Those are images that she was wearing her lingerie wear or wearing nothing. There's even picture that is only her private place. I feel so upset and disappointed and betrayed and I woke him up and asked him what's going on. And he DENIED everything. He said they were just chatting and they were friends, she has problem going on with her marriage and he was just trying to help her out. I asked why does she has to send him those picture and he said he doesn't know, he said she is a little bit crazy. I was very upset and I cried and cried, I feel betrayed and I know my husband's sex drives is very strong, but since I'm pregnant, I cannot satisfied his needed as before, he used to ask me to use other method to help him, but lately, he didn't ask me to do so.
No matter I show him all the evidence I had found, he denied everything. Then then next day, I told him I cannot stand this anymore, he's hurting not only me but our kid and the baby. I want to separate but I really couldn't imagine my daughter grow up in the broken family. Then the woman emailed me and said that she still had a little bit feeling on my husband but they were just chatting and there's nothing between them even there's seem to be something. And she said those pictures were sent to my husband by mistakes, she wanted to send to her husband originally. of course from the bottom of my heart, i know that is not truth, how can she kept on sending those private picture to a wrong person for a few months? On the next morning, my husband still denied everything and asked if I can forget about her and start over again. i asked him why he would requested those picture and he said it's because the sex life of her and her husband is very bad and she bought new lingerie and wanted to see if it was her problem or her husband's problem, that's why she sent those picture to her.
My heart is broken, I'm not sure why they have to deny everything, but my guts told me there's really not only just friends or just friends but had sex before when they were dating back in college. I personally trust my husband a lot before I found out this incident. He never come home late, he text me all the time during day or afternoon. how would it be possible that he can have an affair?
Then I look into telephone bill history, i found that they talked to each other a lot in June and July, then they talked less since August. But he has two phones, i can only checked with one phone. The other phone he use it for texting most of the time. He told me that they found each other on FB like 8 months ago. He deleted her from FB, email and his two phones right after I found this out. But the next day, I asked him to text her in front of me and he does and the woman asked him to give her a password so she can make sure that is him, not me. If they have decide not to chat anymore, why do they need to set up a password? I asked my husband what the password is and he said he doesn't know because he will not chat with her anymore.
I feel very upset and cried and cried. I still don't know what to do. do i have to hire a spy or something until I found they really have something? or should i really trust them? If I'm not having two kids, I think i can be stronger, but I'm a very traditional woman, I always want to give the best to the kids and don't want them to grow up in a broken family
My heart goes out to you. You are pregnant and have another child and then you find out this.
He has been caught. He is a cheater.
He has a big job to do and that is to STOP this behavior and work at being a good husband. Can he do that?
You need to find help for yourself so you will be be strong for your children. Do you have parents or brother or sister to help you?
He is the one who has the work to do.
Thanks for the reply Punkey.
I'm not sure if he can do that, but I lost the trust on him, because he used to be the person i trust the most in the world.
I'm talking to my close friend about this, I haven't tell my parents because he never admit anything.
Don't pay attention to what he SAYS, watch what he DOES.
I don't know how to watch a person anymore, he seems to be so normal when he has this hidden communication with that woman in the pass 8 months, I'm still trying to find a solution for myself
I am sorry that this is happening to you while your pregnant and very emotional to begin with. Yes, I think you need to figure out what to do for yourself. If you have lost all trust in your spouse then what is the point of
continuing? You always will ask yourself if he's doing it again, and to live
with such doubt and distrust is very difficult on yourself and your family.
Consult an attorney and explore your options. Good luck to you!
Thanks for the reply Calamity.
The only thing that is holding me up is my two kids, in the first night when i found out, i plan to move out right away, but when my older kids questioned me everything and looked so innocent, I really don;'t know how to tell her about my move, so I didn't move.
How about, "We are moving to another place because daddy is not treating me respectfully, like a husband should. And I am angry and hurt and need some time away from him to think about this. It is nothing you did. This is between him and me."
BTW - HE should be the one who moves out for a while. You and the child need to stay still. Tell him to move out while you think about your relationship for a while, since he has violated your trust.
I feel really bad for you.
I'm saddened by the fact that this kind of things happen in a marriage when you promised in front of God and people you hold dear that you'll be faithful and grow more in love with each other.
It frustrates me and makes me fear of getting married.
How beautiful the thought of marriage is for me.
PRAY FOR IT.
God will help you.
Try going to church with him and while inside, ask him in front of the altar.
Don't threaten him in any way by how you ask him.
Just look him in the eye while you are in both in front of the altar.
I'll pray for your family.
I hope you mend things and remain faithful and grow more in love with God and each other as years go by. :')
PRAY FOR IT.
God will help you.
That's what you believe for yourself, but please don't tell others to do so.
Not everyone believes in God.
I'm sorry if I offended you in anyway but why am I prohibited to tell others?
Aren't we supposed to encourage others to the things that helped us get through life? Then it is up to them to follow our advise or not.
You didn't offend me, but whatever you believe in is your private matter.
I really see no logical reason to advice someone to trust or seek help in someone who is not a factual figure.
your gut in this type of matter is 100 percent correct> its the other side of you that doesnt want it to be true that will keep you from going with you initial feeling
I don't want to cause an argument but why wouldn't it be of logical reason to advice or open someone to what you believe in and what you believe might be able to help the person?
Is not that a chance that you might just be keeping him/her from getting the solution to his/her problem because you decide to be silent about what you believe in?
You're quite right, what's CJ got to complain about when you're just trying to give good advice. In that spirit you should approve of this, the woman down the road swears by it.
She suggests casting a circle, and making the appropriate offerings either to Gaia or Aphrodite. Then the two of them could make love at the altar, or if she's on her own she could just masturbate, and make a suitable love philtre.
If CJ's offended by that what the heck, at least I know you won't be.