Starbucks + laptops = D-bags

Why do people go to Starbucks anyway?

I'm a coffee addict, drink the stuff all day. I have coffee (caffeinated, not decaf) in the evening and never have a problem falling asleep. I keep a thermos of hot black coffee at my desk all day. First thing I do in the morning after getting up -- even before I visit the bathroom -- is to put on a pot of coffee to drip through.

Starbucks isn't a coffee shop. It's just a hangoutr for obnoxious people.

I went into a Starbucks once. "Medium sized black coffee," I said.

"What kind of coffee would you like, sir?"

Huh? I'd like coffee. Black. Maybe two lumps of sugar.

"We have choco-mocha, French roast, Brazillian roast, classic decaf, Kona extra extra, vanilla supreme and..."

Fakrissakes! Gimme a friggin' cuppa coffee, don't read me the dictionary of foreign phrases and culinary terms. I want coffee, not a dessert. If I wanted vanilla-flavored coffee I'd carry a small jar of vanilla extract around with me. Kona is good but it tastes better when served at the King Kamehameha Hotel on the waterfront of Kailua-Kona, looking out at the cruise ships coming in. Or that cute little joint in Halualoa, up in the hills where the coffee plantations are and the coffee you're drinking was not only freshly ground but ground from beans grown about half a mile from where you're sitting. Cool. But in Boston? Do they grow coffee beans in Dorchester? Roslindale? Gimme a Maxwell House or a Chock Full'a Nuts, that'll be fine, thank you.

I hate Strabucks. It is unmitigated evil disguised as a yuppie dating bar.

Well, no wonder you didn't get served! You were politically incorrect (I'm not kidding on this)!

Caught a snippet on a radio talk show the other day. It's no longer correct to say black coffee, but rather coffee with no cream.

I walked into one of those joints once, which was featuring Tanzanian Aa, which is a dark, rich bean, and one i happen to like, because it is the coffee most like Columbian which is not actually Columbian that i've ever tasted. So i said, give me a Tanza-NEE-an Aa. He went to get my coffee, but before he would give it to me, he corrected my pronunciation and said it is pronounced Tan-ZAY-nian. I politely told him he is wrong, and asked him to give me the coffee. He still wouldn't give it to me, and insisted on his pronunciation. (Any joker here who wants to argue the point, can go to this page, linked from the World Factbook page on the government of Tanzania.) So i told him, OK, whatever you say. He pushed my coffee at me, i paid, then i threw it down the front of his smock, told him: It's Tanza-NEE-an, @sshole, left a good tip, and left. It's a meeting place for pretentious f*cks, and it employs pretentious f*cks. I was once walking by a Starbucks, and an employee was outside having a smoke, and talking to a friend about his "career track" as a "barrista." Oh fer christsake . . .

I see how that would piss you off Set. Next time tell him that you hail from Al-BAN'-ee. Dont go nukular

Walked into a yuppie grocery in Chicago one time to grab a cheap bottle of red to drink in the park. (These were classy times.) Some steward-dick or something asks me if I'm looking for anything in particular, and I ask him to point me to the Chilean wines, which were decent and cheap at the time, like California wines once were. And I said it "Chill-EH-an," like your s'posed to.

He says, "Oh, you mean CHILL-ee-un. Right this way." Made a point of the correction, even. Whatever. It was still a good afternoon in the park.

These stories about visits to Starbucks makes me reevaluate an experience that happened to me. My 24 year old daughter (who lives in Los Angeles) was visiting me in Chicago and wanted to stop at a Starbucks. Before we went in, I asked her what she wanted. I ordered for both of us at the same time. Then they asked my daughter (who was standing next to me) what she wanted. She replied "I'm with him". They looked very surprised. My daughter is very good looking and fashionable. (I am neither.) I thought it was funny and considered it a compliment to my daughter. Now I feel that the incident may just be a reflection of the Starbucks attitude.

For a cartoon-based rant on "Star-Schmucks:" http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html and click on the bottom-rightmost cartoon.

(Warning: Adult Language)