senile dementia

I forget what is the situation with your mother - is she under care or lives still with him...

They are still together.

Well, her safety/care matters, but you know that. I see the conundrum.
Conservatorship is tough, as I expect you know. Do you talk with your brother about this? (not my business, just thinking..)

Dyslexia, having worked for the state you would know more about this than I, but is it possible that some government agency might--at least when your father's dementia worsens--intervene for the protection of your mother?

These kinds of issues with parents are horrible.

<squeezes Cowboy>

<not telling where>

My grandmother was sharp as a tack until 84 and all of a sudden, she started accusing people of stealing from her. It was sad--the ones she accused were the ones who sacrificed the most to help her.

I'm sure you know the social services available--with your history. I guess calling them would be like sic-ing the Man on them or something.

Does your mom have visiting healthcare types who can judge how they're doing? I always worry about fire. It just takes that one initial mistake.

You might feel you've done what you can if you arrange some relationship with a professional--a visiting social service person?--is she receiving Medicaid or some insurance that would afford her a visiting nurse? Of course, the community based social worker is free, but your dad may shoot her.

Wish I could help.

You know, dys, that I really can get how you feel.

I suppose, in your situation, you either follow the way as you've done before, and stand all this, or change it.
With all known consequences. (Which still could be less than those I'm dealing with: e.g. 500 miles is more than 10 miles :wink: )

are you looking for suggestions on how to dispose of his body?
You know.. boars eat everything.. and such...


Or what to do to help?



I can give both..

Picking your way through a mine field.

Damn.

There's some kind of guardianship board type thing if your dad gets too bad, isn't there?

Let me guess...in the US you have to pay a fortune for such things?

I'm guessing, Dys, that the only way to ensure your mother's safety is to start some kind of legal thing involving your father. Your father probably needs protection as well. Don't know which is worse, Alzheimer's or senile dementia. I've encountered both. They both suck. It's scary to think of the two of them together this way.

Wish I could help. Also, I'm throwing in an oy. Oy.

I'll throw in another oy. Oy!

I'd probably go ahead and 'sic the man' on them by calling whatever social service agency for the elderly you have available. She has Alzheimer's and he's suffering from dementia (probably undiagnosed). It shouldn't be too hard to convince them to get involved for the protection of your mother. It doesn't matter if they get angry, let them get angry.

The last time I actually saw my father, lady diane and I were still living in Denver, he called Diane one day and accused me of stealing some of his shirts. Diane said she didn't think so but he could come over and go through our closet. He did come over about 15 minutes later and he did go though our closet finding nothing and then a few days later called Diane and said he found his shirts in a drawer in his bedroom (no apology).
I have no intention of going through the lawyer/court process of finding him incompetent even though I do worry about my mother. My only recourse of maintaining any sense of sanity is to just stay the hell away from him.

The guy raised YOU from a pup and you disown him over some shirts and dementia.

Says a lot.

You know nothing about it, cjhsa.

dys- I think that it would be wise to protect your mom. I agree with the people who suggested that you contact social services or adult protective care, and see what they can do for her.

cjhsa- Unless you have been in someone else's shoes, I think that it is extremely thoughtless of you to be so judgmental.

Dys--

You didn't design the universe. You can't control the universe. All the same, you don't have to like the universe.

I'm another vote for calling Social Services. Do you think your father would deliberately harm your mother or do you feel a harm-by-neglect situation?

I definitely fear a harm by neglect.

Homo perditus.