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Fri 1 Dec, 2006 06:51 pm
Okay so today I told a lie. The kind of lie that I might be required to back up so I need a plan in place.
Mo's little school newpaper came out the other day and it said something to the effect of "no dogs on school grounds before or after school blahblahblah".
Most days I pick up Mo at 11:00 since he goes to reading group and I only bump into a few people. On Friday's I pick him up at 10:30 when all of the little kindergateners are getting out of class.
The problem?
When I go to pick up Mo I use the opportunity to walk Bird, the dog. She's a lovely old girl who is only interested in me. She never bothers anyone. Such a little sweetie is my Bird.
Today one of those rule loving butinsky moms (not like some official school person or anything) comes up to me and says I can't bring Bird anymore.
I knew this would break Bird's heart, not being able to go, so I lied and said "Oh. She's my service dog."
I know! That was stupid! I shouldn't have done it. I know!
Butinsky mom knows I walk Mo to school in the morning without the dog so I'm guessing she must now think I have some kind of late morning disease that requires a service dog.
I have really crappy vision so I'm thinking some kind of problem or medication that makes my vision all wonky or something in the late morning.
This can be something totally made up but it needs to sound real.
Can you help?
Bird and I thank you!
I'd claim Alzheimer's.
Just keep saying you forgot.
Epilepsy?
They have those. The dogs are able to sense a seizure coming, but people don't have any apparent impairment otherwise.
Then there are
emotional service dogs. Hey, is that so far from the truth?
I'd go with Nunya Disease.
Nunya business, Beeatch!
You have difficulty smelling and dogs have an extremely good sense of smell. The dog is helping you smell things.
Ohhhhhh! A emotional service dog.
The link doesn't work -- tell me more!
Epilepsy and "nunya" might work -- especially if I could work out some kind of early morning trauma. Nunya might be especially good if if I called it maybe neuronunyabeeatchatoma.
Alzheimers, especially early onset, hits just a little too close to home. I'm weird paranoid superstitious about that.
<brrrrr>
Smell?
What the hell?
Why in the world would I need to smell my way five blocks to school?
NickFun. I believe you need a service dog yourownself you big silly.
Perhaps there are foul smells along the way that you are not privy to because of your nasal deficiencies. The dog can warn you if you are approaching something foul smelling and you can steer clear.
Nah, I know this stuff, it's the glare, it's the glare.
Better to own up and ask what the f. she has to say about your old dog being there. Go to the point, no shilly shallying. Bark, bark, bark!!!
Highlight the ridiculous, take a photo.
boomer, I saw something on tv about emotional service dogs. They do exist. However, so far as I know, all service dogs, at least those that are certified, must wear one of those little jackets that announces to the world that they're service dogs. Let's hope the butinksy moms don't know this.
Oops, forgot to say that the emotional service dog I saw on tv was helping a woman with panic disorder.
Also, stop with the lying, after all, you're 35 years old now.... Get a grip and speak up.
Roberta wrote:Oops, forgot to say that the emotional service dog I saw on tv was helping a woman with panic disorder.
Well, boom, there ya go!
You do panic easily, right?
And, it'd be easy enough to knit your dog up a little coat with "Service Dog" on it?
Panic, I've had that. Coulda used a dog with me. Yikes, several hundred feet down on the right side of the car, no rails. Cliff on the left side, with little room for any other car. I couldn't go forward, and surely couldn't go backward. This was on a curve. I saw it as a slightly fat one lane with no clue like railing at the edge. Plus I'd just left my client who mentioned three people had gone over at that spot... some time before, oh, maybe six months before.
So, I had total body fright, but I couldn't just sit there either, as a car might come the other way.
So I just did it, and gained a lane some time later.
I'd never been afraid of heights before then, or, not much, and that did it.
Well, jeez, osso. I've already admitted that I was stupid to have lied but honestly I don't want to have to quit taking Bird and the lie just happened so easily and.... now the lie is out there and ...... taking it back seems kind of wierd.
I suppose I could say "I'm sorry Ms. Butinsky but I lied to you the other day. Bird is not a service dog but I just thought you were being a jerk."
She did confess that she found Bird to be "friendly" when she left today and I suppose Bird is friendly if you consider a dog that sits between my legs with her head on my knee waiting for a command "friendly".
I'm 47, not 35, and I will probably continue lying a little for the rest of my days if it makes my dog happy.
I know you're not 35, was spoofing in my way.
Well, we can just diverge. I've stopped with the fibs, but the rest of the world doesn't have to.
Oh, that sucks about the link, sorry. Does this work?
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/05/14/fashion/sundaystyles/14PETS.html?pagewanted=2&ei=5088&en=83b53d35ee1eeccc&ex=1305259200&partner=rssn
If not, Google "Wagging the dog and a finger," it's the second result.
Some excerpts:
Quote:it is a violation of the disabilities act to inquire about someone's disability, and although service animals are supposed to be trained, there is no definitive list of skills such animals must have.
"The A.D.A. started with the idea of the honor system," Ms. Froling said. "The goal was to make sure that people with disabilities were not hassled. They didn't list the services an animal should perform because they didn't want to limit creativity, and they didn't want to specify dogs because monkeys were being trained in helpful tasks."
These days people rely on a veritable Noah's Ark of support animals. Tami McLallen, a spokeswoman for American Airlines, said that although dogs are the most common service animals taken onto planes, the airline has had to accommodate monkeys, miniature horses, cats and even an emotional support duck. "Its owner dressed it up in clothes," she recalled.
There have also been at least two instances (on American and Delta) in which airlines have been presented with emotional support goats. Ms. McLallen said the airline flies service animals every day; all owners need to do is show up with a letter from a mental health professional and the animal can fly free in the cabin.
There is no way to know how many of the pets now sitting in coach class or accompanying their owners to dinner at restaurants are trained in health-related tasks. But the fact that dog vests bearing the words "service animal" and wallet-size cards explaining the rights of a support-dog owner are available over the Internet, no questions asked, suggests there is wiggle room for those wishing to exploit it.
[size=7]I'll put in my standard killjoy disclaimer re: the fact that I'm a longstanding ADA advocate and have watched with dismay as it has been watered down and bastardized, resulting in backlash that damages the real good it does for people who need it.[/size]
But that could work.
Osso and Boomer - I love you both so much. That was like seeing my own thoughts arguing with each other. Just letting you know I love ya and thanks for the chuckle.
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