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Mon 20 Nov, 2006 04:58 pm
At precisely 11.05pm (BST), on Channel 5 (UK), there is a programme due to start, called "The girl's guide to 21st Century Sex".
Being only mildly interested, I raced across the living room to grab the remote control doo dah, pressed the "information" wotsit, and the synopsis reads, as follows:-
"Dr Catherine Hood continues her frank journey into the world of sex. Tonight she focuses on the sexual position which gives women complete control of penetration. Contains sexually explicit material."
For purely scientific reasons, I immediately programmed the DVD recorder to do the necessary's, making sure that it was set on the speed that allows the clearest, slowest, slow motion playback.
I then went into the other room and programmed the VHS recorder, just in case the DVD recorder malfunctioned. I then phoned my neighbour, to tell him about the programme, and to ensure that he sets all the recorders in his house, just in case I've programmed mine incorrectly.
Now....about the programme itself, and this complete control of penetration thingummybob.
I haven't a clue as to what they are going to suggest, but I am going to open up a little competition among you, to see who can guess correctly.
Personally I think it will be the vertical missionary biscuit tin position.
The man stands on the biscuit tin, and if, during the frightful act, he accidentally manages to achieve too MUCH penetration, the lady friend of the female variety simply kicks the tin away.
I may not take too much part in this ensuing banter, as i'm planning on going to watch the programme in bed with my favourite cushion, a latex glove and a hand puppet that resembles Teri Hatcher.
As far as any other Brit members are concerned, I wouldn't hold out much hope of seeing any of them....especially smorgs and that Dorothy Parker girl.
Steve (as 4210573) may show up, but that will only be because he is drunk again, and has forgotten that the programme is showing.
Right then....just what IS this position?
Over to you.......
If she can kick away the biscuit tin, then her legs probably aren't engaged. However, I suspect your soul purpose is titillation.
The position of which you speak has the woman rolled up into a ball, legs and arms neatly tucked away. If the position is done properly the woman should resemble a hamster ball with the door slightly ajar and ready for entry.
In order to improve my vocabulary, I've just looked up tittilation on Ellpuspedia.com, and it says :- Tittilation - A breast that is experiencing extreme joy and excitement.
plainoldme wrote:If she can kick away the biscuit tin, then her legs probably aren't engaged. However, I suspect your soul purpose is titillation.
The misspelling was accidental but it is quizzical and funny. What is a soul purpose?
A soul purpose is the result of a cross between a fish and a member of the whale family.
Or is that porpoise?
I've just been informed of the position, and although the sound on my TV isn't that good, it is apparently the "Reserved Cowgirl position".
Well, they could have fooled me!
The woman that is demonstrating this is certainly not reserved, nor is she wearing a stetson.
Is she wearing boots? They help when one wants to rid of the biscuit tin.
Lord Ellpus wrote:I've just been informed of the position, and although the sound on my TV isn't that good, it is apparently the "Reserved Cowgirl position".
Well, they could have fooled me!
The woman that is demonstrating this is certainly not reserved, nor is she wearing a stetson.
I think that's the "re-VERSE cowgirl" position. She's facing away from the guy, right? And she's on top? Right? Oh yeah, ride 'em cowboy!
kickycan wrote:Lord Ellpus wrote:I've just been informed of the position, and although the sound on my TV isn't that good, it is apparently the "Reserved Cowgirl position".
Well, they could have fooled me!
The woman that is demonstrating this is certainly not reserved, nor is she wearing a stetson.
I think that's the "re-VERSE cowgirl" position. She's facing away from the guy, right? And she's on top? Right? Oh yeah, ride 'em cowboy!
Ah! I see ......
Bit disappointing about the no stetson though.
Ah, Man! I was gonna say that and I got a "critical error."
Reverse Cowgirl is the best. And, I DO have a Stetson, but Bears more interested in the riding crop.
Reversed cowgirl???
Damn, what about Aussie girls? Is backward Jillaroo acceptable?
Did they mention the crocodile roll?
I thought "Reversed Cowgirl" is a singing group
Boy, that British TV! Why can't we get this important information in the US????
dadpad wrote:Reversed cowgirl???
Damn, what about Aussie girls? Is backward Jillaroo acceptable?
Did they mention the crocodile roll?
Backward Jillaroo? That sounds interesting. Do you need a boomerang for that?
kickycan wrote:dadpad wrote:Reversed cowgirl???
Damn, what about Aussie girls? Is backward Jillaroo acceptable?
Did they mention the crocodile roll?
Backward Jillaroo? That sounds interesting. Do you need a boomerang for that?
I've never done it with boomerang so I wouldnt know!
Right! Like this Christian nation would want us womins to know anything about controlling anything, let alone penetration!
Kicky is such a romantic....
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