edgar bear and sealpoet: What you all have so eloquently illustrated is that if we are lucky, we get two opportunities to experience a great father relationship, either by having one, or by being one.
From one who had, and continues to experience good feelings on both sides of the spectrum, I salute you and those like you!
It is you who break the mold, who refuse to be defined by those who have taken a less desired path and instead blaze out on your own, Days such as today should be heaped in abundance upon the likes of you folks.
I'm serious, you guys shouldn't just get a day, you should get a parade!!
Called my dad about 2 hours ago - darn great guy! Told him I loved him and missed not about being around more often, the miles get in the way. Always admired the son-of-a-gun - hoping to be half as good as he is, and then he says that of me! gosh gets me teared-up. The day we say good bye, it just gunna be like ripping off an arm or leg. Yesterday - I watched my Rockstar friend get married and his father married the couple - not a dry eye in the house, then he did a surprise song to the wife-to-be, WOW! what a great weekend!
eoe, I admire your dad's stick-to-it-ivness. I think that's the way my dad would have liked to have made his exit.
Eva and eoe, your stories make me glad that I live in Oregon where your doctor can help you die. People want to have options and make decisions about their own deaths and all to often they have to take matters into their own hands (or wills).
maxs is right - a parade is in order! People who became great dads despite or because of their own dads deserve a lot of recognition.
That's great Husker, about your dad. It sounds like you and he have a similar relationship to what my dad and I had. Lucky us.
The day I said goodbye to my dad was Valentine's Day 1998. I knew that by the time I would see him again that Alzheimer's would have stolen me from him - I was already disappearing and I knew I wouldn't last much longer. I took a photo of him that day, outside the airport as he and mom dropped me off to catch a plane home. He still has that sly look and cocky grin, that sparkle. Although I saw him several times after this I never took another picture because he was disappearing too.
Anyway, I'm telling this because sometimes the miles are literal and sometimes they are metaphorical and sometimes they are both. Make sure you find ways to close the miles and get the picture before they amputate your limbs.
My dad was a creep. He was a drunk, a brute and a womanizer. Can you imagine a kid (myself) deliberately placing himself in the path of an enraged mean drunk so he would be hit and not one of the littler brothers ot sisters. I did that.
It's not for him thos post is for but for the later surrogate father. A friend when I was in trouble introduced his father to my little family (my wife and son them with my daughter still to arrive). We were being evicted so a landlord could have our apartment for his son. Mr. Harney gave us an apartment at a fraction of what it was worth so his son's friend would have a place.
The father became even more of a friend than the son. We would talk of life until 2:00 in the morning. He had a narrative way of story telling that made me wish he had written a book of himself that others could read. Over the years time and again whenever he knew we were in trouble he provided information and actions to help. I reciprocated whenever I could. He never ceased to amaze me with the wealth of knowledge and insight he freely didpensed. Nor was I alone. A community activist he was well known for his contributions not of money but ideas to make the city a better place.
Yesterday as I have for many years I showed up with a well chosen book and card to celebrate Father's Day with him. I told him easily that I loved him. I didn't have to because he knew but if you think that, you should say it. We talked of family and plants and birds and history. I'm so glad later in life I found a reason to celebrate Father's Day. What a wonderful day.
Bob -
I had a step father much like your real father. I gave him no mention here, because he was never a father to me.
This is very interesting to me, hearing men talking about their fathers. It is a rarity.
It is.
I wanted to find one of these threads yesterday, but I guess my timing was off. I was buying plants with a check and the cashier (a woman my age) stopped and said in a strange voice, "my dad used to live on "X" Street. I looked up and she continued on about how she doesn't see him anymore and how it's always weird on Father's Day. Sad. It's amazing how much can be shared in a 1 minute chat.
Oh Eva, his determined stubborness is the least of what was passed down to me. I'm so much like my father that it scares me sometimes. I've got many of his positive traits and way too many of his big ol' ugly traits too but I work hard to keep it in check because I remember all too well just how despicable my father could be. It wasn't pretty nor endearing. But when letting it fly is called for, and sometimes it is, especially with my relatives, I always preface ripping them another hole with the reminder that I am "Joe Smith"s" daughter after all.
My oldest half brother consciously does things a certain way, saying, "I don't want to be like my father." But, in his attitudes and actions, during unguarded moments (actually days and months) he is almost a carbon copy. When he stands at the periphery of my vision I sometimes start, for it is like seeing that man alive again. There is no disowning genes.
No, edgar, there isn't. Eoe, I will have to remember to remind my relatives of the same thing the next time I am too blunt & opinionated. (blush) This nut didn't fall very far from the proverbial tree, either.
Hurrah for Mr. Harney!
Thanks bobsmyth for telling us about him. Thank you for finding a reason to celebrate father's day. Thank you for remembering him in this way.
Your story has warmed my heart in ways that you could never imagine. Sometimes finding your rightful father takes a search and I'm so glad that you were able to find yours.
And oh yes it is wonderful to hear men talk of their fathers.
I'm glad I posted that. I reasoned and rightly so there were people like me who missed on the father but had compensations to take their place. I had a rule growing up. when faced with a course of action I'd think of what my father would do and did the opposite. Came out fine.
Bob: So...............................,
your dad is George Costanza?
My Dad made him look like a saint.
In "Murphy's Romance" with James Garner and Sally Field, her son sees his father cheating while playing poker. They were only playing for matchsticks. The kid tells Murphy, the James Garner's character, what he's seen and Murphy says to him so simply. "Maybe it's a good thing you did. Take after him or not, it's up to you.
bobsmyth, you choose not. Many don't bother to make the choice or even realize that there is a choice. I salute you.
Thanks eoe. By the way I love that film. Glad you singled it out.
My father died in 1948, three years after I saw him last. I was three when my Mom left him. As I said already, my step father was the anti-Dad. At the age of 18 I began reading Philip Wylie's books, and, in my mind, almost subconsciously, I adopted him for a father figure. So, in discussions of this sort, I always find myself thinking of the father that never knew me. And would not have wanted to, perhaps.
