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Thu 12 Oct, 2006 11:15 am
So we just sold our house and moved into a temporary living situation at an apartment complex. The apartment comes equipped with a built in microwave.
Now the microwave is actually pretty nice... except it is a bossy son of a gun.
If you put food in and set a time but don't start it right away, it starts flashing "Time entered: Press Enter" over and over again. If you cook the food in advance and let it sit there for more than 1 second, it starts beeping at you and flashing "Food done. Remove Food."
I just can't please this freaking thing. No matter what I do it is always telling me to do something else. I mean, who the hell does he think he is? Does it really think that I need to be told to open the door to take my food out once it is done? It is a condescending, message posting, beeping little ****, who if it was actually alive, I would punch in the face and say "I'll open the dod damn door when I'm god damn ready... B!tch!"
You have my sympathy--I loathe imperious computer chips.
In the self check lane at the local supermarket the computer orders me:
"The bagging area is full. Please bag your items and then return to checkout."
I move down to the bagging area and before I fill a bag, "If you are finished scanning, please touch Finish and Pay.
I won't get into the long voice menus for the telephone lines at the utility companies.
Those telephone company voice menus bring out the homicidal maniac in me. My voice immediately becomes seeething, sullen, surly, churlish. It's a pavlovian response.
Noddy24 wrote:I won't get into the long voice menus for the telephone lines at the utility companies.
Oh... I hate the ones that actually make you talk to them (as opposed to pushing buttons) and then, when they can't understand what you want, in a very serious voice, say something like "I'm sorry, I didn't understand your request. Can you please repeat your option?"
Ohhhh..... makes my blood boil.
That is funny, Osso. Funny cause it's true.
Jp - loved the story of your microwave. I've got a roll of black tape just for those extra special LED's.
Ossobuco - loved that Jon Carroll column too! I've given up on the self-checkout in my local grocery store. It usually takes me longer to do my own stuff, because of all the rules and because I have problems finding the effen bar code. And I usually end up standing there with a melon or something that bears no resemblance to the produce pictures on the screen.
But the voicemail of our telephone provider has utterly defeated me. She has a name, it's Emily. Emily has all the patience in the world, but Emily doesn't like swear words. If you say something nasty to Emily, she stops -- and nothing can get her to talk to you again. You can only hang up in shame, understand your sin and contritely call her again. grrrrrrrrr.
That's downright malevolent, Tico!
On the telephone company thing, or any other company that uses those automatic humans and expects a verbal response from you, the system doesn't understand a slight cough, or the background bark of a certain corgi...
on JP's Vile Microwave, it would be the beeping that would make me want to tear it apart.
jpinMilwaukee wrote:Oh... I hate the ones that actually make you talk to them (as opposed to pushing buttons) and then, when they can't understand what you want, in a very serious voice, say something like "I'm sorry, I didn't understand your request. Can you please repeat your option?"
Yesssss!! I know exactly what you mean!! Our main phone company has one of those voice recognition systems, and I hate it. I'd rather push freakin' buttons, thank you.
So, what I want to know is, what happens if you're some poor sod with a bad accent? SOL?
I once roughed up a waffle iron pretty badly.
I'm not proud of that. It wasn't one of my finer moments.
I can't eat a waffle since then without a little tear rolling down my cheek.
Do I need therapy?
Actually, I don't think I've ever eaten a waffle. I just didn't like the way it looked at me. All "I'm so much better than pancakes", you know what I mean?
I'm not too fond of pancakes either, truth be known.
Reyn Said
So, what I want to know is, what happens if you're some poor sod with a bad accent? SOL?
Yep, my wife has to do all the voice recognition work around here. Of course, most of you would probably think she sounds..hickish...but compared to myself, she sounds like Julie Andrews.
Ha!
That was the first thing I found attractive about my husband, his accent.
I'll admit though, sometimes when he gets really excited telling a story, I have no idea of about 50% he's saying.
So I just fill in the blanks with what I want to hear. It makes it so much more exciting.
quick 2 packs.....what do you call that glass thing you screw into a lamp?
Hmm...light bulb, I think I actually say that one correctly, as in I do pronounce the L in bulb.
I've just said it out loud about 20 times..and now I have no idea what the hell a light bulb is anymore.
Heh, I lied....Liiiight Bobe. Had to work it into a sentence, Jeez, I am a hick.
how 'bout this....laht bub.....
Once in a while he has to talk to my sister in New Jersey. Afterwards he'll say to me....
Jesus Chraaast, did you used to sound lahk thaat?
2PacksAday wrote:Reyn Said
So, what I want to know is, what happens if you're some poor sod with a bad accent? SOL? ....
I used to work in voice recognition (for dictation, not phone systems) and accents are a challenge. The Indian accent is the toughest and women in general get much worse recognition scores than men. In our testing group, I used to consistently get lousy recognition scores (I'm from Long Island and have a midrange woman's voice); my colleague from Michigan (a very softspoken guy) used to get the best scores of all of us.
Oh and our microwave beeps a few times and then flashes "end" if you don't remove the food in two seconds.
Chai Tea wrote:I once roughed up a waffle iron pretty badly.
I'm not proud of that. It wasn't one of my finer moments.
I can't eat a waffle since then without a little tear rolling down my cheek.
Do I need therapy?
Actually, I don't think I've ever eaten a waffle. I just didn't like the way it looked at me. All "I'm so much better than pancakes", you know what I mean?
I'm not too fond of pancakes either, truth be known.
You did the right thing, chai. You give those waffle irons an inch and they suddenly think they contol the whole kitchen. I bet he didn't mess with you any more.
jespah wrote:I used to work in voice recognition (for dictation, not phone systems) and accents are a challenge. The Indian accent is the toughest and women in general get much worse recognition scores than men. In our testing group, I used to consistently get lousy recognition scores (I'm from Long Island and have a midrange woman's voice); my colleague from Michigan (a very softspoken guy) used to get the best scores of all of us.
Another thing that's bad are those drive-thru speaker systems in fast food restaurants.
It was so hilarious. My wife's mother, who is an English Jordy, could never get herself understood when she used them.
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