TODAY, I BECAME THE PROUD OWNER OF A ROCK HARD, 10" VEINY SA

......UCISSON!

When searching for one of my favourite foods, I often come away disappointed, finding that the only saucisson to be had, are often limp and skinny.
Now...I've tried nearly all the limp saucisson, and have found that none compare to one that is virtually unbreakable.

I don't know why this is, but there you go.

Today, whilst meandering towards my car near the High Street, I had a quick waft of ripe brie go up my left nostril, whilst at the same time I heard the plaintive cry of a French woman shouting "Cerm an Bye, cerm an bye".....

YES....the French Market was in town!

I hastily shuffled my tired old legs down the stairs of the multistorey car park, past the spot where I had the honour of opening th building all those years ago, by taking the first ceremonial pee in the dimly lit stairwell, and made my way to the High Street.

Ignorning the cerm bye woman (handbags...no bloody use to me at all) I pushed my way through the shoppers, past a row of stalls, in search of Jacques.

Although I was mightily tempted to get a serving of that potato provencale dish that they cook up in a giant frying pan, I was suddenly strengthened in my resistance by a smell that I can only describe as wet dog with a hint of garlic.

Jacques stall was very nearby, that was obvious.

Spying Jacques about to serve an old lady, two stalls down, I raced to get there before her and plonked my hands on his counter in triumph. The old lady then started swiping me with her shopping bag (outrageous!) so I fended her blows with one arm, whilst pointing to my favourite saucisson with the other.
Jacques gave a knowing look, gently lifted the prize "Sampiero" sausage into a sheet of tissue, and delicately wrapped it for me.
By now, the old lady had exhausted herself, so I motioned for the market inspector to come and drag her away, so she could sit on an old orange box or something.

Fifteen minutes later, after a VERY slow, careful drive home, my Sampiero is now about to be sliced, and I am about to reek of garlic all evening.

No, I won't be sharing it with you. Sorry.