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Fri 26 May, 2006 09:58 am
I've noted in many of these discussions, that people don't automatically acknowledge the excellence and infallibility of my opinions. This doesn't disturb me, as i am complete within myself, and have the absolute best self-image of any member of humanity.
But it occurs to me that you folks are missing out.
For future reference: i am a physician; i am a research scientisit, in quantum mechanics, cosmology, geology, paleontology, archaeology, standard physics, chemistry, and astrology; i have a doctorate in history, in theology, in American literature, in English literature, in comparative literature, in psychology, philology, philosophy, parasitology and colo-rectal surgery. Additionally, i am a known homo sapiens and a practicing thespian.
If you have any questions, just wait your turn, i'm very, very busy.
I'm sorry that it's a skeleton, my lord. It's the best I could do on short notice. Please don't smite me.
I am a benevolent deity, i don't smite people. Unless no one else is looking . . .
I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery--
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
I never knew the words to that before. You truly are a kind deity. I shall offer sacrifices of your favorite cuts of meat over the holiday weekend to your name.
As soon as I figure out what those are. Do you have a book written about you?
Aged beef, preferrably ground sirloin, at least a week old.
Aged and ground? Ha! You must be a frickin' Vegan.
And no one holds opinions better than me....
Very well. The Festival of the Burning Beef shall commence on Saturday. Watch for one of two things - the smoke in the sky, or the report of my arrest.
DrewDad wrote:And no one holds opinions better than me....
I have the deepest sympathy for your delusions, my son.
Setanta wrote:DrewDad wrote:And no one holds opinions better than me....
I have the deepest sympathy for your delusions, my son.
I'm sure you have the deepest something....
Wrong again, pasta-brain . . . i have the deepest everything for everything . . .
The statement that I am wrong is clearly a lie. If you have the deepest everything then you must have the deepest something.
Retract the statement and apologize!
(For the A2K challenged that may not know all of the personalities here, that is a parody of another frequent poster.)
My avenging angels will around to "enlighten you." Don't wait up, though, we are very, very busy these days.
I'm of the opinion that we need additional PHP tags.
My proposal:
[sarcasm][/sarcasm]
[parody][/parody]
[humor][/humor]
If by "enlighten" you mean "darken my doorstep" then let them remain busy.
As is to be expected from a mere mortal (and a ferinous one at that!), your opinion falls short.
If they need a label to get it, it ain't worth engagin' their attention.
Don't make me slap you with my noodly appendage. I created the universe, you know.
And you've been chasing your tail so long that you've got everything backwards. You're a dog... not a deity.
Stumble It!
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